I don't know if I'll ever be able to give her up

Zoerb (@zoerb) 8 years, 9 months ago

So the title may be a bit misleading. I’ve given up at least two girls who I was sure at the time were the one, and have mostly gotten over both of them. The problem is that I can’t seem to give up the thought that there is a perfect girl out there for me who would make me extremely happy. I’ve met girls who weren’t perfect, but filled a perfect role in my life, so I know it’s not that I have some delusional view of what perfect is. I just feel I can’t be happy without someone special in my life, as cliche as that sounds. I feel like I should be able to overcome this, to overcome this need in order to be happy, but it’s been the constant hold up on my happiness. Any suggestions, or comments would be extremely helpful. Thanks

February 9, 2013 at 2:41 am
Nik (3) (@rotekolibri) 8 years, 9 months ago ago

@zoerb, This is also going to be incredibly cliche, however there are no perfect people on this great, green Earth. And there is no one who will ever be “absolutely perfect” for you. Instead, focus on what you enjoy in a partner and try to be at peace with the things that bother you. If something happens to be glaringly problematic, then maybe it was just not meant to be.
My point is, don’t let the little things ruin a really big thing.

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TheSkaFish (962)M (@theskafish) 8 years, 9 months ago ago

@zoerb, I used to think that way too, until I found myself in a situation where I fancy several girls at once. I could see myself happy with any of them. When that happened, I was finally able to discard my idea of “the one”. And on top of that, meeting them made me completely lose interest in the girl I’d been interested in long before that, about whom I made several rediculous claims about her being the one. In the end, I completely lost attraction for her when I realized there was not one but several girls out there who are much better for me (not to mention prettier too!).

Now the dilemma is, which do I go for? Decisions, decisions.

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Manimal (2,998) (@manimal) 8 years, 9 months ago ago

@zoerb, Reasoning is not enough. Gotta let life do the teaching. That’s how you really learn stuff and set your mind.

What do I mean when I say that?

Well, you simply gotta PROVE yourself wrong.
What is it about the concept of a significant other that you want so badly?

Companionship? Well, you have friends and family, and one day you’ll be a father.
Sex? You don’t need a significant other for that.
Inspiration and praise? There’s plenty of targets and sources for this, everywhere at all times.

Just get into the right situations where life will teach you the lessons that will set you free.
Easiest way to do this? Well, try a few relationships, and/or fuck a bunch of girls. Also, how close are you to your female friends and family members? That could be the missing puzzle piece. Most guys have a very poor connection to their female family members and friends, they feel that something is missing, and they go looking for a woman to fill that void.

I’m not at all saying that you shouldn’t keep your eyes open for great girls or anything like that, just that you need balance. Don’t get too attached to the concept of a girlfriend.

Also, stop watching romcoms, they fill your head with this kind of bullshit. The perfect romance ideal is a fraud, a piece of bullshit made up by writers of fiction, a sorry illusion which sadly has its nasty little claws wrapped around most people’s minds.

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cheeky (76) (@cheeky) 8 years, 9 months ago ago

I know that feeling. Have you meditated on the root of these feelings? If you can find those misconceptions in your mind, the very cause of their existence, look at them in a new light, that is usually where you will find your peace.

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Michael Skywalker (6) (@dd23) 8 years, 9 months ago ago

@zoerb, try not being such a chick about it.

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