I don't want to meditate

nyx (@wanderingmoons) 7 years, 6 months ago

It’s hard to find the will power to discipline myself into meditating when I’m upset,
if I’m not willing to make myself then I’m not going to meditate. I could really use some advise, because I actually need to meditate to release myself of these fears and anxieties.

May 14, 2014 at 9:40 am
nyx (12) (@wanderingmoons) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

source of anxiety..is I’m too hard on myself. I expect so much from myself that when I fail I do not have a desire to live. This lack of desire for life is short lived, but I don’t want to feel this way anymore and I don’t know how to except my failures. I’ve never been one to be so insecure and mistrusting of people and I hate this new trait about myself. But the only reason I don’t trust people is that I’ve been hurt by those closest to me, and I don’t want to hurt anymore. I can’t hurt anymore. I need psychiatrist undoubtedly but sometimes it’s nice to vent with some anyonmisity.

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Anonymous (64) (@) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

I’m in the same place. And when I do try to meditate I get lost in the first memory that comes along and sort of trance out reliving this memory. Kind of the antithesis of meditation. I know the very effort it takes to stay in the present moment and to focus the mind is what we are lacking in life and that is causing our anxiety and fear. Perhaps just meditating for a minute or two at a time and building up. And then not judging ourselves for not doing a longer sit. Or else go do an immersive retreat like a 10 day Vipassana course. You are not alone in this and like you, I realize there is no healing without doing the hard work. Keep your head up and keep at it. Namaste.

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nyx (12) (@wanderingmoons) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

thank you so much, I really do appreciate the fact that someone took some time to help me out. I will definitely consider your advice. Have a lovely day/night/life and Namaste friend.

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Leo (0) (@leozeff) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

Hello friend,
I feel your words.
I think you shouldn’t focus on mindless meditation as a goal to reach a state of no fear and no anxiety.
Meditation is not an escape of what you are feeling, it is a big jump in it, and if you are not prepared to face it with your entire being, you will feel a lot of frustration. Do not expect anything out of it, or it will take all the magic away.
Have you try Tai chi, or qi gong ? These are precious tools, art, exercices for me. It will help you focusing on your own energy. Releases stress in your body, and in your mind, to link them and make yourself One. Learn to concentrate your energy where you feel it is important, and where it is not.
What is anxiety, fear, lack of trust, what are YOUR definitions? Don’t tell me, ask yourself the question and put some light on it. What you are feeling is yours, and it is a gift that will lead you to growing up.

Understand your own patterns leading your to being upset, your own misunderstandings leading you to anger and hate.

Only you can do it, and you have all the keys right now to do it. Be aware, not only when you sit and feel that it is a good time to meditate, be aware all the time. Be aware when you feel anger coming, be aware when you feel insecure, be aware of what is inside you. Do not try to make it disappear because the very essence of it being here, is a sign for you that you must learn. Learn to be aware of it when it happens, to put some light on it and see it clearer.

Let me tell you, you do not need meditation to release yourself from fears and anxieties. You need meditation to be here, to grow up, and to learn about yourself. Your fears and anxieties are your own responsabilities, meditation will make you face them.

I have just wrote what came to me after reading your post, I hope it means something to you. Didn’t write in english for a while tho excuse it if not really good… :)

You are a light being, what is in you is your treasure. In there you will find all the answers and the light you need.

Love

Leo

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