I feel like I'm living a quite empty life (my heart beats for something else)

TaireSante (@shaidita) 9 years ago

I’m asking for your help because there’s something wrong that I don’t know how to make right. I’ll be sending this same text to all those who I consider successfull on doing what they love while helping others, in hope that they (you) can help me this time.

For a long time, I’ve been feeling sad, acknowledging I’m living a quite empty life. But don’t get me wrong: I’m lucky enough to be working on something I like, and my life-love-partner is an awesome man whose companionship and love makes me happy. My house is nice and beautiful, I don’t have any attachtments or debts whatsoever and I am young and strong. But something’s wrong.

I don’t know what to do. Almost every month there are a couple of days when I will cry and almost refuse to wake up in the morning. Nothing seems to motivate myself, not even myself. My work feels useless, my life feels robotic and under everything, my heart beats for something else.

But the truth is – I’m lost. I don’t know how to answer that call (hell, I don’t even know if that’ a call!). I don’t have a calling. I don’t know how or what to change… and I feel scared to even try.

Sometimes my mind lingers, and it takes me to free fields, animals (I love hens!) and long days under the sun or even over the snow. I wish I could be free, I wish I knew what I want. I don’t want to be a corporative worker for the rest of my life, but I don’t know how to change that.

So, please, if you read this… just answer. You don’t know me, and chances are I don’t know you. But neither do I know anyone who feels the same as I do, and maybe (just maybe) you’ve felt like me sometimes.

Could you please help me?

September 25, 2013 at 7:00 am
Filip (2,818)M (@filipek) 9 years ago ago

@shaidita, Heey there!

I do not know you, but that does not matter, I will try to help you as I would with anyone else.

I think many people, including myself, can resonate with the feelings you are describing. Some days I wake up feeling joyful, energetic and ready to conquer the world, whilst other days I wake up not being able to find a reason to live.

The thing is that from my experience I can say that this is part of human nature and this will never change. I think it is necessary in order for us to being able to find a balance. Sometimes I think to myself: how would it feel if I would only feel ecstatic all of the time? Would I really feel ecstatic or would the feeling of ecstatic lose meaning because I would not feel anything else?

What I try to apply is to have gratitude. Gratitude for the fact that I got all my limbs, gratitude that I am healthy, gratitude that I am born in a country where I do not have to fight to survive, gratitude for the fact that I can sleep in a warm and cosy bed, gratitude for the fact that both of my parents are still alive and so on. Actually you can have gratitude for anything.

As for your problem. On these days, no matter how hard it is, try to remind yourself that this too shall pass. That it is temporary, that it is part of life, that there is nothing you can do about it only to accept it.

Do you meditate? I find meditation to help me a lot to go through these kind of days and challenges. Instead of finding distractions to run away from these feelings, try to ‘be’ with these feelings. What I mean is, try to literally feel what is happening in your body when you experience these moments of feeling down. Do you feel warmth? Cold? Tingling sensations? Do you feel as if you cannot breath? Tensions? Just try to be aware of those feelings, and you will see that it is not as bad as you think it is. Right now you try to rationalize what is happening, but you cannot rationalize it. You can only feel and experience it. You cannot change what is happening with your thoughts. We think that our thoughts are so beneficial on these moments, because we have learned that they are necessary for our survival, but sometimes we rely too much on them. Sometimes we do not need to rely on them, in fact, most of the time we do not need to believe our thoughts in the first place.

Feel free to message me any time if there is something bothering you.

Good luck, you will get through this for sure!

Graschi (62) (@graschi) 9 years ago ago

I really know how it feels, and I have the same feelings at the moment.

First and foremost, it’s great that you are grateful for your life, and that you are together with the man of your life. Promise me, that you won’t ever leave him – because if you just knew how it feels to lose someone that you love so much…

And .. this is coming straight from the bottom of my heart: We live in a world where we have learned how to make a living; but not how to live. So many people are doing something they don’t like (and understand me correctly, I fully understand people who don’t have another option.)

You are lucky enough to be in a position where you have a financial capacity. I would advice you to take some months off and travel the world (perhaps with your man). Afterwards, you’ll hopefully be inspired to do something you would love to do, even if it’s in a foreign country. And even though you can’t have the material goods that you have now.

TaireSante (2) (@shaidita) 9 years ago ago

@filipek, first of all, thanks for your quick and useful answer :) I do meditate, and I really find relief on it!

What worries me is: How do you know if it’s something that ‘will pass’ and therefore it is part of the human experience or something you must act on, and change something? How can you tell the difference? I don’t want to change for the sake of change, but neither do I want to stay still if something inside of me is urging me to change…

TaireSante (2) (@shaidita) 9 years ago ago

@graschi, Thank you so much for your kind and sympathetic answer. I wish I could do so, but the economy is such a mess that I don’t think I can come back for a job if that is what I wanted. I live in Spain, where only 1 out of 10 under 30 are making more than 1000€ a month and only 5 out of 10 are employed. This may sound as an ‘excuse’, but the truth is here either you have time OR you have money, but not the two at the same time. So, to sum up, I’d kind of have to quit my job to do so and I really really really need to be sure before doing that…

Graschi (62) (@graschi) 9 years ago ago


What do you work as, how often and do you hate your work?

TaireSante (2) (@shaidita) 9 years ago ago

@graschi, Social Media Marketing. I love it – but the way social media works has almost nothing to do with how companies work nowadays. It’s not that I hate it, it’s just that I wish I could do it… differently!

Filip (2,818)M (@filipek) 9 years ago ago

@shaidita, I understand your dilemma. Well first of all everything passes in life, as long as you wait long enough for that to happen.

But the thing is, you can act wisely, or you can act foolishly. I believe that we cannot speed up certain processes and most of the time we have to be very patient. Actually practicing the virtue of patience is something we can always benefit from.

That said: when is it time to act? Hmm, in general I would say that it has to ‘feel’ right. This is not something I can give you a clear answer on, because it depends on many factors. I think it is important you trust and believe in your own feelings (or you may call it intuition if you want). You can ask yourself, why do you want to change the thing you want to change? What is the reason for that? Check your intentions and your motivation for your actions and you will get a lot of questions. In general I would say, if something does not feel right (opposed to if you think something does not feel right. This distinction is difficult to make and takes a lot of practice), do not do it. If it feels right, go for it.

I think it is beneficial that you are already meditating, keep going in that direction, more things will become clear.

Also, what helps for me at times when I feel bad and I feel that I am not accomplishing anything in life, is to look back at where my life was 5 years ago. Or when I feel bad I try to think of moments where I felt invincible.

You can also acknowledge that life is difficult at times, that sometimes we do not know anything at all, we are confused, and we feel bad. There is nothing wrong with that, as long we do not run away from these feelings.

I know you would expect me to give a direct answer on your questions, but that is impossible. I always wanted to have immediate answers on my questions, but the more patience I cultivate, the easier it becomes to take decisions.

Have faith in life, be patient, be persistent, be diligent, work hard and do not give up.

TaireSante (2) (@shaidita) 9 years ago ago

@filipek, Actually, I think your answer is quite a direct one! Thanks! :)

Raj (0) (@Raju) 8 years, 9 months ago ago

feeling comes because, people around us left us alone(you have to decide in what manner they left you ex:talking).
when our soul feels that it need conversation,we feel like we are alone and we are in empty life.
usually if people spent their childhood beautifully, and remembering those golden days during their free time feels that now they are alone and their life is empty.

my best solution is keep talking with others and enjoy what you do.

my friend in india and me too feel the same feeling as you are.

bad english s…..y

Peter (116) (@Gismo) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

@shaidita, Hey there,

I can truly relate to that urge of change as I’m feeling it myself, but living in this world at current times really puts the pressure on you and digs you in, so you feel like you can’t move.. at least that how I felt regarding the need to survive in a world where you either work or suffer the consequences of submission to whatever society at your location provides.. I took the deep dive, quit my job, sold my appartment and I have nothing to show for it so far and sometimes I look back and wonder if I’ve made the right move, so I actually wouldn’t recommend doing that until you got a clear cut vision about what different direction you wanna take your life. (It should also be mentioned that luckily I live in Denmark, so when I run out of money, welfare will provide for my survival, so I’m lucky in that context).. But what I would recommend you, is to take whatever steps you can in your freetime to satisfy that inner urge, cause I think there’s a reason and life is trying to tell you something..
Follow your bliss :-)

WPX (0) (@WpxBlue) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

I believe that….

Part of what makes us human is that there is no right mindset. There is no baseline, “control-group” mindset that defines sane or insane or happy or crappy. We are all shaped by our own experiences and as a result find things that trigger these flow of emotions so that we feel less empty.

For example, a long time ago, a man was searching for happiness. He was a rich man with lots of gold and a full belly, and a huge house. Yet, he was never able to find what he so desired despite his searching. He searched the land high and low for happiness but true happiness always seemed to elude him. Then, he came upon a farmer living on a hill who was smiling and laughing and happy. The rich man went up to the farmer and asked him if he had found happiness to which the farmer replied “Would you like it as well?”. The rich man, excited beyond belief, asked the farmer for happiness when the farmer said “I will give you happiness, if you trade me all your gold.”. The rich man agreed and so the trade was made. The rich man gave the farmer his gold and the farmer bestowed happiness upon the newly broke man. Then the farmer left the hill. The broke man was not happy at all for he had been duped! He had no more gold and he wasn’t happy at all. So the next day, the broke man stormed up the hill to the farmer who was waiting patiently with a smile on his face. The broke man demanded his gold back and claimed that the farmer did not know what happiness was or how to find it. The farmer did not reply and gladly gave the broke man back the gold. Shortly thereafter, the rich man had a smile on his face.

In my encounters, this story means a lot of different things to a lot of different people. But what I’ve learned from it was that emotions are relative and that thinking about one’s life in different perspectives helps one to feel satisfied with their place in the world.

But this isn’t enough for a lot of people. A drunk realizing they’re a drunk doesn’t make them any less of a drunk (with the same theory applying to corporate workers). After putting things into perspective, what I’ve found changed my life from when I was feeling empty and without any motivation to looking forward to each new day, was initiative. Although it seems like nothing is in the least bit interesting, go and do it. Interact with people, say hi to someone in line at Starbucks, even go on a freakin adventure. This, I feel, is the primary remedy to feeling empty inside.

Even though its 9 months late, I hope this might help you or someone in some way. Cheers!

Alex Eastman (71) (@alex) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

I want to start out by saying I completely understand what you are feeling. The curse of life is the curse of want, and when you can’t find something you want you feel empty and without purpose. You don’t know what you want yet, but something will come.

I like Filip’s advice. I also want to add something to that. Perhaps you have wanderlust? You dream of being free. Perhaps you and your love should take a vacation at some point and just drive? Go to the Grand Canyon if you’re in the U.S. or if you’re feeling exceptionally adventurous, go skydiving.

Sky diving is the closest I have come to feeling ultimate bliss. Orgasm, love, payday, etc., NOTHING that I have experienced in my life can compare to the euphoria you get from jumping out of a perfectly good airplane. That is my ultimate life advice. For several months after that, whenever I felt down on myself I would remember the free fall and grin from ear to ear. It is really good for you psychologically and surprisingly safe. Overcoming that fear of plummeting to the earth will leave you feeling euphoric for several days.

If not skydiving, do something out of your comfort zone. Push your limits. You may find something you love by doing so!

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