I had a pretty unsettling moment today…

Autumn (@shirbean) 9 years, 2 months ago

I realized that the only person who I can really stand being around is my boyfriend. This is great for me and him, I guess, but I also realized that I’ve been spending almost all of my social/free time with him because my old friends have either moved away or just grown apart from me through the past couple years. We’ve only been together for about 6 months, but since summer started I don’t see him as much and I’m finding myself more and more irritated with my job, hobbies, etc. and I’ve been smoking more weed because, let’s face it, I’m stuck living at my parent’s house and I’ve been spending my summer working for THEM. My best friend, who I stopped talking to, got into snorting heroin recently and I have grown apart from her since then. I have a couple friends who I sometimes see, one of them I play in a band with and she’s pretty cool but I don’t really hang out with her much outside of practice. The other one just annoys me, and I can’t really have conversations with her outside topics of work and her boy problems.

I do feel a lot better since I cut ties with the friends who always just wanted get fucked up (basically because they had social and substance abuse issues) but we also shared many world-views and I could have real conversations with them. I don’t have that many interests, other than music, learning about shit, and travel (which I have no $ to do anyway) and I feel like I can’t relate to anyone, especially girls. Maybe I’m being cynical, but it just seems like so many people are faking their way through life, taking lots of acid, and following the words of the figures who they think are ‘cool’ or ‘enlightened’ or they’re too wrapped up in their own relationship, money, technology, or career troubles to even think of anything more interesting. Maybe I am one, or even both of these kinds of people. Maybe not.
I am so sorry for this long post, I feel like an asshole right now. but I guess I had to spill what was on my mind.

Feel free to comment or whatever

July 14, 2013 at 5:49 pm
Man of the Future (108) (@Man-of-the-Future) 9 years, 2 months ago ago

In no way do I want to offend you but your life sounds interesting…Like you’ve got stories to tell as well as memories for yourself. All I can say is keep living and explore this life. I see the world in a similar light as you. Everybody else is so wrapped up in pointless things I feel people on a mass need to break away from the bull shit of everyday and LIVE TRUE FULL LIVES OF LOVE INSTEAD OF this MENTAL SLAVERY CRAP lol sorry thats the young revolutionist in me

Anonymous (0) (@) 9 years, 2 months ago ago

@shirbean, Maybe a good question to ask yourself is if you really need other people in your life? I went through a similar situation and found it is very fulfilling to follow your hobbies/passions instead of seeking other people.

Some wise advice from Manimal:
“You can’t receive self-assurance or esteem, it’s something you just give yourself. Nothing in the world can complete you, other than yourself. Loneliness is an illusion, people try to search for themselves in other people or objects and it’s pointless. If you are with yourself, you are never lonely, if you hide from yourself you will always be lonely no matter how many people you try to cover that up with. Loneliness is a state of mind, not a situation that the world throws at you.”

Autumn (5) (@shirbean) 9 years, 2 months ago ago

@man-of-the-future, @vskren
Thanks for your replies guys. I do have a hard time embracing the lonely and being by myself. I think I should just spend some more time with my inner nerd.

RandySavageXx (16) (@RandySavageXx) 9 years, 2 months ago ago

@shirbean, my situation is somewhat similar to yours, my girlfriend is the only one i really enjoy talking too/hanging out with, im a musician so i just spend my free time working on music/with her, but yea ive just realized that the only things everyone else talks about is, other people, what they are buying, mindless bullshit. I dont see anything wrong with only hanging out with your significant other, me and her both dont watch tv, live healthy lives together and talk about REAL things, recently I quit weed to focus on my music career, maybe i would suggest to you the same, i personally love weed but i have realized i cant focus on my music career with it, hope this helps at all haha, just know there are other people who dont relate to anyone

Man of the Future (108) (@Man-of-the-Future) 9 years, 2 months ago ago

@shirbean, Yup its hard to be alone at first but once you do it enough you begin to figure yourself out but try to balance it out

TheSkaFish (962)M (@theskafish) 9 years, 2 months ago ago

@shirbean, what genre is your music and what are your songs about? i never know what to write about.

Anonymous (328) (@) 9 years, 2 months ago ago

@shirbean, “and I feel like I can’t relate to anyone, especially girls.”

Girls who rarely get along with other girls are usually really cool girls. I don’t know exactly why, but that’s how I see it.

devil sunday (0) (@devil-sunday) 9 years, 2 months ago ago

holy CRAP it sounds like you and my girlfriend are the same person! lol that’s all i have to say…

Flynnstone (813) (@flynnstone) 9 years, 2 months ago ago

Try finding ways to meet new people. Sign up for a class or activity (not necessarily a school class…my friend got into roller derby through our park district, for example) by yourself and just force yourself to meet new people and do new things. Weed and boyfriends are cool, but if you feel alone try throwing yourself into stuff you really enjoy, that you can reasonably do now (I’m not saying go plan a trip to India if you can’t afford it or have the time),and go do it. When you’re happy doing what you’re doing, you’ll find more like minded people along the way.
I don’t know if you wanted advice, but I thought I’d just toss in my two cents.

Autumn (5) (@shirbean) 9 years, 2 months ago ago

wow I didn’t expect to receive so many replies! :P

, yeah I smoke too much weed and I think the main problem is I do a lot of things high and thus get bored with those things when I am not high

, Hah I’m actually still trying to figure it out. I’ve been leaning toward a psychedelic rock-ish genre. And song lyrics, I try to stick to things I know. If you’re short on ideas, try and think of something that really makes you angry, sad, scared, whatever. Just something you feel emotional about. If it’s nothing, write about that.

, @motorik, haha thanks guys

, That’s a good idea, I don’t do a whole lot of other activities so I could get some more exercise and possibly make some friends.

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