I have dabbled with psychedelics for the last year. I have had good trips and very dark and bad ones. My last very dark and bad trip is where my view on life changed. I was sitting in my living room, at my peak of a three tab dose, feeling the most terrible feeling of hopelessness and solicitude. I felt empty and alone. I could see myself, truly see myself. I was so ugly. Consumed with vanity, fear, and a deep longing to be loved. I just wanted to die. I started thinking about my life. I had a good job, people who loved me, and I was in fair health. This revelation hit me, all my problems would dissipate or dramatically reduce if I just loved my self more. I had been severely neglecting my self by putting others needs or wants before my own i had lost myself. I was waiting for someone to come along and make me feel whole, fearless, happy, beautiful, loved. No one was going to come and fix me, I had to fix me. No one will ever love me as much as I can love myself. No one can make my my worries go away except for me. In order to feel beautiful I had to work on myself from the inside out…… This revelation has changed my entire view of myself, thus changing how I view the world around me. I love who I am today, I am ok with being with myself. No one needs to complete me, I am whole. I know that no matter what at the end of the i will always have at least one person in my corner, loving me unconditionally, pushing me to be stronger, that person is myself, and I am enough.
This revelation was made several months ago. Since then I have dosed many more times and I continue to learn more about myself and about the world around me. I wish when I had been first introduced to lsd it was introduced as a tool for exploration of my self and the world around me. It took me a long time to figure this out and start using it to better my self instead of trying to escape my self. Currently I work full time in the healthcare industry, I dose regularly, and sub-dose daily for any where to a week or two weeks out of the month. In my place of employment I am one of the best and most favored workers by my clients and employers. No one in my life knows how often I do lsd, and I intend to keep it that way due to the stigma attached to it. I am a 25 year old female,in case any of you readers are curious. I obtained my G.E.D at the age of 16, and have a stack of over 35 certificates and licenses I have obtained from my local college and online institutions. I am not done pursuing education, quite the opposite in fact. I am going to pursue education in communications, business, philosophy, and science, and the pursuit of these things is driven simply by my hunger for knowledge in these areas. There is no job or career I plan on getting once these things are completed.
So I ask to all of you readers out there, can any of you relate? I know that there has to be someone else out there who uses lsd like I do. I want to hear your stories, I want to know you. I want to be able to talk to you and share experiences.
What I’m seeing is a woman realizing a life with motive but no direction. To fill that void you rely on doing things that stimulate your mind. The drugs and the education counteract each other they make you feel balanced and secure in that but despite everything your stuck. I think like a lot of the people on this site I see, you got to find something you truly are passionate about and use it to make money. It may seem like the bottom on your priorities but it will fulfill something in you that cant be satisfied otherwise. You have 35 certificates, so pick one out of a hat. I would also stop the drugs. I’ve been there done that. Look the whole getting high to be spiritually enlightened thing sounds cool but it’s so much more effective to just live and currently your not living. I’m not a psychologist and the last thing I want to to do is offer you advice that would potentially hurt you. That’s why I’m going to tell you the only reason I feel like I have the right to share is because I’ve been through this. Seriously do what you want you make your own decisions just hopefully your happy with the ones you make.