My pappy had been fighting ALS for many months now. With each passing time I saw him he became worse and worse. loosing more and more weight, losing the ability to move muscles or joints, barely being able to move at all. last night we had a call at 1 in the morning. Not knowing who would be calling at that hour, I brushed it off and get back to more HE. Soon after my mom left the house, confusing me even more but I still wasn’t worrying about it. This morning when I woke up, I was laying in bed and overheard people talking about days off work due to death and then I knew what happened. I was confused because I didn’t feel anything. I felt nothing and wasn’t sure why. I continued to lay in bed and eventually I dosed off into dream world.
It was me and my mom and my dad inside toys r us and it seemed to be closed, so we thought lets go in to see what’s inside. we start looking and we find the electronics section. This especially chimed in with me because I’ve played video games all my life and in this dream I felt younger, perhaps around the age of 10 or 12. We find some xbox stuff that was cheap and decided to take it. As we move on throughout the store, the seemingly empty store becomes more and more filled with people, but still no employees. I take advantage of that fact and decide to put items in my bag with almost definatly the intent of not paying for them but it still wasnt completely decided in my mind. As me and my family move further and further throughout the store more and more people arise but still no employees. Eventually an old lady that doesn’t work there comes up to me and says “Are you going to pay for whats inside of your backpack?” I nodded my head and said yes. I was baffled by the fact that she knew stuff was in there because I later checked to see that my backpack was fully closed. I did what she said and went to pay for my items, putting them on the counter. As soon as I put them on the counter, many other family members that didnt come with us come up to me and start talking to me about I don’t know what. Random things that I didn’t/couldn’t care about because it seemed like there was too much on my mind even though there wasn’t a thought in my head. After about three to five of these encounters I was too confused to say or do anything. I turn around to walk away and notice my pappy as he was in his prime of my knowing him. Completely healthy with no illness in sight. As soon as I see him I had half of a thought that said to myself “Your not suppose to be here.” Part of me knew it was a dream and part of me didn’t care so I went with it. He turned around for me to get on his back just like the days way back when and I proceeded to get on. I started to cry. I felt empowered by him and embarresed by my own crying all at the same time but I didnt care. I was where I wanted to be. He took me out of the store and the further outside we went the less physical things became until eventually he turned into a ball of fire with these markings on it. It felt like it represented the four elements. I saw him turn into this orb of energy and float off into the sun. I felt the power and the energy of him leaving and me letting go. I knew it’s what had to happen. It felt like infinity. He was going to a better place.
I think that because I chose not to steal the items, he came to say his final goodbye to me. I know that thats something he always tried to teach. Always do the right thing. That will always resonate with me.
Thanks pappy for being the amazing role model that you were and for making that final goodbye. I love you man.
… I cried.
I’m glad you got to have that experience man.
Not much else I can say.