Step parents tend to lead a more demanding role in lives of their children. Mine in particular seems to be irate at every move I make. My real mom is dead so I have no one to run to. When she slow degrates my self-esteem, I feel like I’m disappointing my dead mom also. Apparently I need to grow and act my age when I’m about to be a senior and taking all advanced placement classes and she doesn’t seem to give the slightest care. I need her attetnion more than anything. I’ve busted my ass to get her attetnion time after time and still haven’t achieved my ultimatum. I feel like I’m wasting my time for nothing. I have told her how I’ve felt before. I’m beating a dead horse. I need help with this. Should I just give up on her never exsisting affection or should I keep trying? I’m at a crossroads with this one. All I want is a mom figure taht will treat me as if I’m wanted. Help.
@itsemilybabe, Unfortunately these aren’t the things that just get better over a cup of tea. Usually when someone’s a bitch, they stay a bitch. My advice would be to stop seeking her approval and do what makes you happy. Once she sees that you could care less what she has to say, she just may leave you alone.
If you really need someone to talk to and confide in, there’s always school counselors and even friend’s parents as well.
I would keep a general focus on what you desire, and wait for specific moments to align themselves. Don’t force them that will just tire you. Has she nurtured a child before? I’d like to think that every woman has the mother instinct programed into their DNA, tho I’m skeptical about that in this day-n-age. In the mean time I wouldn’t expect anything from the universe that you cannot give to yourself. Tho try to be open and allow everything (awesome) life sends down/up your path. Also, I use to seek a lot of attention from my family until I learned/started to appreciate the attention I was already receiving
@itsemilybabe, Why do you feel like you need her to pat you on the back for being successful? I’m not saying you should totally disregard what she thinks, but maybe prove something to yourself by succeeding and busting your ass for your own pride. I’m sure your birth mom would be really proud of you, and your step mom as well, even if she doesn’t say it. If she doesn’t have affection for you, that’s her problem. You don’t have to be dependent on her approval.
Why did she say you need to “grow and act your age”?
Was your birth mom more supportive than your step mom is?
Is your dad around for you to talk to?
Yes you are wasting your time. That’s not to say your step mother isn’t capable of change but just that your efforts could go towards doing so much more for yourself. There will be a time when you will laugh at how you sought her approval, it’d suck to also feel like you wasted so much time pining for attention that you forgot to work on your own dreams and aspirations.
Wow. That’s a really hard question to answer. There are so many different possibilities that I don’t see one concise answer.
You’ve already spoken with her, so speaking with her again seems dismal.
As for working your hardest just to attain someone’s love and affection… No one should ever have to work for that. Your achievements don’t define who you are. You define who you are.
If she doesn’t love you for you, it could be due to a deeper reason. Have you considered looking at this from her perspective? This is just a possibility, as I don’t know you or her. However, there are times where the real parent will decease leaving the step (or whatever you consider her as) to continue to provide for the child that isn’t directly theirs.
Something like this can wear on someone like no other… Not only is she constantly reminded of what she lost, she has to provide for you. Providing for another isn’t easy in the first place..
I don’t feel she is doing it on purpose but she isn’t willing to open her eyes enough to see she is doing it. It this point I would suggest reaching out to a program such as big brothers and big sisters. You won’t get the affection of a mother figure, but you can put all your hard work towards something. Something that will brighten your life while brightening someone else’s.
My advice, give her some space. Stop striving for her attention. Do something for you.
Just be prepared for a potential backlash. When you change someone’s life drastically (where you start to pull away, and stop doing everything she wants) she may lash out verbally towards you. Be prepared, be patient, be calm.
Life is a game. This game has different hell’s for all of us to experience. Just because you can’t see it, doesn’t mean they aren’t going through just that.
My two cents :3 cheer up Emily. Things will get better. Just give time, some time.
i can relate – my story isnt exactly similar, but just to show you the feelings that come from parents when they dont perfectly:
my dad took off when i was 4 – he moved to india – my mom is a caring person, but the kind of person who is too bossy and OCD to actually want to be around or talk to – my dad was always really cool and i didnt realize as i got older that being cool and being there for you are totally different – he never came back to america, he was happy to have me if i came to india and visited him, but that was the extent of the effort he put in – in india, men are revered and i guess he ends up looking like he did no wrong to many people around me
i just got married and he didnt come – hes never come here before anyway so i didnt expect him to – he filed half assed for immigration but didnt come – i was upset so i didnt call or accept calls for a few months – i called back wanting to just not discuss the situation – but he was furious with me at not calling him – i told him i felt bad and he was totally unapologetic and basically just kept trying to sound like he’s right – we just stopped talking
sucks and im 30 years old – this stuff doesnt get easier
anyway, to your point – we both have to learn to just take it easy – nothing is our fault and we dont have to please anyone – and we want to make sure we surround ourselves with people who we can rely on – thats way more important than who is cool – those things make life a lot easier – then, when we act well, we are rewarded and we dont constantly question ourselves and our actions
thanks for bringing up this topic
@itsemilybabe, It seems like your wasting your time with this woman, You should think about what you really want and care about. Once you have an answer pursue it and follow in until you get it. Also you’ve already made a huge step in getting over it by talking about it:)
Keep your head up mate.