I NEED HELP!

 Rana (@rana) 7 years, 10 months ago

My sister is suffering from depression. Recently she told me that she had suicide thoughts and even plans. Whatever action i think of taking to make her feel better, is always stated under “Things Not to Say/Do with a Depressed Person” on the internet. She’s disinterested in all activities, and i can’t get her out of bed most of the time. She’s been moving to new schools and that has been the root of her problem. The first time she moved to another school, she got bullied and was a loner, then she moved to another school where she also got bullied, and then moved to a third school where she is now. She hates school. The past 2 years where the worst in her life, and the cause of her depression. She feels like she will never have friends, and she’ll always be alone. She thinks that she’s different from everyone in her age. I don’t know what to do! She goes to a psychiatrist, and takes medication. But i don’t think it’s making any difference! The psychiatrists just suck! She says that they don’t even listen to her attentively! Well, she told me that her main problem and her cause of depression is school. I want to fill her life, so that school is just a tiny part of it. Needless to say, currently she doesn’t have any purposes or goals and just wants to stay at home. She tells me that she can’t enjoy any activity because she’ll still have to go to school tomorrow, that thought is occupying her mind. I, myself, is not a fan of school, and i reject the educational system, but she’s been running away from her problems for too long now, i don’t think getting her out of school is a solution.. I need some guidance on what to do, and how to fill her life, and prevent her suicidal thoughts.

November 30, 2013 at 10:28 pm
Kelly (0) (@kekunsman) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

Don’t leave her alone, and don’t be afraid to ask frank questions; how she is doing, what’s on her mind, if she has the means to commit suicide etc.

*If you believe she’s in danger – call 911 or if you can, take her to the hospital.

I am not am expert, however I’ve lost two loved ones to suicide, and can only offer my experience. They each had different situations, but no one knew how they felt. There is nothing I can do to change what happened, I except that. However, if I could go back, I would have let them know how loved and worthy they are. I would let them know that there is no shame in unhappiness, yet not to fear changing what causes it. I would show them the beauty in the small things.

Especially for stressful times, such as school, it’s so important to set achievable goals, and to take care of the body and mind. Small goals are just as important as the big ones, they show progress and a sense of achievment. However, if the body or mind are unhealthy, it makes stress that more difficult. Walks, fruits, veggies and water, go a long way.

If all else fails, sometimes a complete 360 is necessary.

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josephm (772) (@josephm) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

@rana, highschool is a joke, but deal with it. depression is a bitch though. get her out of the house, blood moving, endorphines flaring. give her a friend, take her out of her negative thought pools shes trapped in. publicly feed off happy peoples energy and general subconscious concern. dont rush.

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KoMaCarpe (92) (@KoMaCarpe) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

@rana, Try practical solutions to solve the problems. Im thinking martial arts class (because of the self respect, moral strenght and dignity you get) – there’s no bullying there I promise you that. And also, your sister probably carries A TON of anger and resentment inside, that she really needs to get rid of. What better way than fighting? Its healthy, trust me.

Also my thought goes to unplugging all the media bullshit that constantly attacks us. Unplugg and sit down together to just meditate; just sit with clsoed eyes for however long time is needed and support your sister with whatever thoughts arise inside of her. It will probably be tough for her beacuse its as honest a practise can be – but how will she ever get better if she can’t face her own demons? Just support her and tell her about your own problems. We all got them. Shes not alone.

Im thinking nutritional issues. Get rid of all the white poision that sugar is and also minimize salt intake. Get her on a fruit, veg, fish and egg diet – all organic of course and commit to it yourself. You’ll have to make the journey with her.

Finally, do one thing at a time and dont rush it. I believe the best thing for her to start with is martial arts since she’s got problems with bullying etc. It sure has helped me and a lot of other people. Dont ever give up on her.

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Anonymous (13) (@) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

@rana, If she switched schools and started hating them all without finding a like-minded person, sees through psychiatrists as phonies – it’s probable that her intelligence is above average and those places that are supposed to be a guidance torture her deeply. You and your family should be there for her as support until she finds her own way. If she goes to different schools and to a psychiatrist without it being her choice, things could get worse for her. Only speaking from experience when I had to pull out everything that was shoved down my throat.

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Luminos (7) (@Alphakristjan) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

@rana, There is absolutely nothing wrong with your sister !
I know because i was in exactly the same place,this depression is just a
reaction to this world that is not good enough for her , or appears to be that.
I would suggest telling her that, and really showing her sincere love and understanding.
To tell her that something is wrong with her makes things worse and is inherently incorrect.
Im my opinion the pills do not help in any way…they just numb and lower her intelligence.
Find what really makes her happy, ask her that, and then let her go for it !
And its also possible that she is “Gifted”.

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Shady Giorgio (30) (@giorgioknolege) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

@rana, I don’t know what to tell you to do because i have never been in a situation like that but here is what i think you should do.:
1. Tell her how much you appreciate her, and get other people to do so too( non-bully classmates).
2. Take her to the beach and just sit there, maybe talk to her about random thing going on in the world or try to think with her how amazing this world is and how both of you should look more at how beautiful earth is.
3. Get her to get a hair cut or/and buy her new clothes.
4. I don’t know about this one but try making her play video games, it was said if i remember correctly that it makes you distracted from any negative thoughts.
5. Teach her how to stand up for her self. I would suggest a channel on youtube called ” FightTips”.
6. Stay with her most of the time but don’t make it feel like you are forced cause if not she might do something to her self.
7. Don’t let her take medication, she will get used to feeling like shit and then taking pills which maker her “maybe feel better”. Its like being a drug addict.
8. As Italians say ” Food is the solution to the biggest problems”. So try making with her delicious food that you will fill with later.
9. Give her a jar of nutella, but she get to eat a spoon of it only if she makes some effort everyday.
10. When you talk to her, look her straight in the eyes, it does make a big difference to her believe me.
11. When you try o incorrege her, try and thing(have a thinking face) and let her see it, it will make her seem important to think about ;).

I would have some other suggestions but try these and i hope some help.
take care and a huge salute to your sista!

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Shady Giorgio (30) (@giorgioknolege) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

@rana, I don’t know what to tell you to do because i have never been in a situation like that but here is what i think you should do.:
1. Tell her how much you appreciate her, and get other people to do so too( non-bully classmates).
2. Take her to the beach and just sit there, maybe talk to her about random thing going on in the world or try to think with her how amazing this world is and how both of you should look more at how beautiful earth is.
3. Get her to get a hair cut or/and buy her new clothes.
4. I don’t know about this one but try making her play video games, it was said if i remember correctly that it makes you distracted from any negative thoughts.
5. Teach her how to stand up for her self. I would suggest a channel on youtube called ” FightTips”.
6. Stay with her most of the time but don’t make it feel like you are forced cause if not she might do something to her self.
7. Don’t let her take medication, she will get used to feeling like shit and then taking pills which maker her “maybe feel better”. Its like being a drug addict.
8. As Italians say ” Food is the solution to the biggest problems”. So try making with her delicious food that you will fill with later.
9. Give her a jar of nutella, but she get to eat a spoon of it only if she makes some effort everyday.
10. When you talk to her, look her straight in the eyes, it does make a big difference to her believe me.
11. When you try to incorege her, try and thing(have a thinking face) and let her see it, it will make her seem important to think about ;).

I would have some other suggestions but try these and i hope some help.
take care and a huge salute to your sista!

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KoMaCarpe (92) (@KoMaCarpe) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

@giorgioknolege, wtf dude? dont like to bitch about people trying to help each other, but some of your tips seem almost borderland retarded…Nutella=fuckin poison i.e pure sugar! She doesnt need food that makes her emotions sway even more! Why dont you suggest diet coke when you’re at it? She seems to need stability and real nutrition. If she likes chocalate better give her some organic cacoa bar or sun warrior protein chocolate taste etc.
“Get her to get a hair cut or/and buy her new clothes.” how the hell is that gonna solve her deeply imbedded feelings of perhaps self hatred, resentment and alienation? Its just a temporary distraction from the source of the problem, which will keep on hunting her even worse after the momentarily satisfaction of the hair cut wares off. Do you wanne make her addicted`? Caus that is the proper way to intruduce a vulnerable human being to addiction.
” I don’t know about this one but try making her play video games, it was said if i remember correctly that it makes you distracted from any negative thoughts.” its counter productive and just HIDES the real problem!
” When you try to incorege her, try and thing(have a thinking face) and let her see it, it will make her seem important to think about ;).” If you’re not already genuinly trying to help her then get the fuck out of there…You’re kinda pissin me off here man. Well at least you got the “no medication-part” right. dah..

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MonkeyZazu (1,865)M (@monkeyzazu) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

@rana,

I’m sorry your sister feels that way. Her story reminds me of this thing I just came across. It’s so sad:
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BUopenlCUAAYinr.jpg

Hug her and let her know she’s not alone. Try to give her something to hold on to for right now. Depression makes everything so pointless, but when we have someone or something in our lives to hold on to, it gives us a reason to keep going.

The suicidal thoughts are her looking for a way out. She doesn’t want to feel that pain any longer and sees suicide as the only way to relieve her self of it. In order for her to feel better, she needs an outlet for her pain. The thoughts and emotions that are causing her to suffer need to be released somehow….. a lot easier said than done though. Those things are all on the inside. Most people don’t really know how to deal with their insides. For the most part, we use external methods for alleviating our internal pain.
Those methods only help so much because they’re not really getting rid of our pain, but more along the lines of suppressing it. Because of this, there’s only so much you can do for her. Ultimately she is the only one who can rid herself of her depression.

With that said, there is still a lot you can do. The main thing is making her external environment more bearable. If someone is messing with her at school, beat their ass…… Well, maybe try to stay away from conflict, but seriously let em know what’s up. The last thing a person with depression needs is some asshole making their life worse, especially if they’re already suicidal. But yea, just be there for her the best you can. Seems like your already doing a pretty good job of it.

Something that’s really helped me and might help your sister is poetry. My friend recently got me into poetry and I love it. You just take the things that your feeling on the inside and just let em out. It’s kind of freeing :) I actually just wrote a poem about depression(http://hellopoetry.com/poem/jungle-of-thought-depression/) It might help. There’s actually a lot of people on that site who write about depression and their inner feelings. I would go through some of their poetry too. And poetry is one of many things she could do. There just has to be some form of expression that let’s her release her inner turmoil.

I hope things start to go better for her.

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Shady Giorgio (30) (@giorgioknolege) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

@komacarpe, Hey man, sorry for pissing you off, i do see now some of the stupidity in my comment. I should have given more thought through suggestions; the things you talked about felt like they helped me a little when i was in a quite dark place ( tho not suicidal), accept for the nutella, which you did give a valid comment about that. The last part of ” When you try to incorege her, try and thing(have a thinking face) and let her see it, it will make her seem important to think about ;).” i didn’t mean “since you don’t give a fuck just fake as if you did” i meant from a psychological perspective, when you are talking to a person in that condition, think more on what you are about to say and show it because when you are talking to someone and you give your self an extra 10 seconds to think about a response to replay to what ever you told them it gives a feeling to that person of “wow what i have to say matters and is important to think a bit before responding”; and if course if you don’t really care, don’t even bother. ( i didn’t mean to fake it )

I credit you for commenting on some of my bad advice, and i hope i didn’t piss you off to much. I must admit, when i wrote the comment i wasn’t taking it seriously and i should have!

Thanks again for responding to some of my bad advice.
Take care!

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Ljean (0) (@lzylight) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

@rana, She is talking to you, so that is a plus!

When did this all start? What were her interests before?

To start, being in bed for long periods of time decreases your muscle strength dramatically. So once she gets out of bed it will take awhile for her strength to return. Depression for this long can change your brain chemistry. Not sure what meds she is on, is there an actual diagnosis? Most psychotropics, especially antidepressants should be short term only and monitored very closely. Psychiatrists give you drugs, psychologists, therapists work on issues. Is she seeing the latter?

Again, she is talking to you, and that’s great, but that is a lot of pressure on you now & i’m assuming you are around her age? Both of you are still growing/maturing in so many ways, you both need more support. Is she old enough to study for her GED? Very important to stimulate the brain.

High school sucks, but it eventually ends. I am not in intimate contact w/ anyone i went to h.s. with. Yes, she may be very different from her peers, consider that a good thing. She is not the cookie cutter teen that all look the same, act the same – that are more considered w/ external vs. internal beauty. Its all the process of finding out who you are & developing into your uniqueness. Its a life long process. Oh, and the bullys won’t go away. Its pretty bad on social networks too, even this board.

I was especially depressed & suicidal in high school. I was withdrawn even as a young child as I was abandoned, abused & bullied my whole life by school kids, neighborhood kids & my own family. I’m almost 30 years past graduation & i swear i still have a target for bullies on my back. Guess what, the biggest bullies i still know are the most unhappy unintelligent people i know. Most of them never even left their neighborhoods & still think they are kings/queens of the sandbox; they are employed in jobs where they continue to bully.

She is lucky to have your support. I hope your family is supportive. If not, not all ‘family” is blood related. My family was shitty & always put me in the middle, always the scapegoat. I hated high school, my father & step mothers were all physically, mentally & emotionally abusive. I grew up in a circus of chaos & left ‘home’ at age 17. Music, nature & the puppy i took in at age 21 saved my life. Thank goodness, because my brain was thinking crazy things to get me out of the reality i was in. I had insomnia starting in childhood because the only time i could be at peace alone was while everyone else was sleeping. Then i could read, play atari or listen to music in peace. I’m still introverted & prefer the company of children & animals because most people in close proximity to me just suck. I am blessed to have a 1/2 dozen great friends & a supportive sister. Though they are far in distance they are always in my heart & on my mind.

My point in all this rambling is she is not alone & people do survive & thrive after the pit of depression. If you can find something your sister is or was interested in start there. Its been my experience that women need to nurture to really be happy, but the last thing we tend to nurture is ourselves – which makes no sense, but its common. She needs to be creative in some way. Art, gardening, dancing, a pet, reading, movies, learning a new language, something, anything! Then when she is participating more in her life she can nurture herself more intimately. For some reason its hard for women to do this. We must take care of everyone & everything else before we self nurture.

I hope you both find some help and i hope she realizes how beautiful she is & is able to have the confidence to be vulnerable and to continue to share w/ you & eventually w/ others. Others who deserve it that is. There are so many spiritually sick selfish entitled people out there, i joke to my husband that the zombie apocalypse is already here! no joke though, they are everywhere =)

((To the commenter above, plz. dont use the word “retarded” its offensive, as is your foul language. The person was jst trying to help. I am a nurse who works w/ special needs children & when their parents hear that word thrown around it wounds them. These familys already grieve the loss of a “normal” life for their child on a daily basis))

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Anonymous (3) (@) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

@rana, Hi, I must first say I am not trained professional in psychiatry or phycology, I only have experience with depression, personal and observational. PLEASE ONLY TAKE ANYTHING I SAY AS OPINION AND DEVELOP YOUR OWN THOUGHTS FROM IT. (I suggest you do this with any information you receive, especially online, and using your heart is the only way to form your own opinion that will help your sister)

{If it was my sister} I would consider that there is nothing wrong with her, she is young, confused, alone, and hates school- this is normal, do you not agree?

I would not feed her imagination that she has a serious problem, everything described is avoidable, preventable and most importantly curable.

I would slowly leave the therapist, expanding visit gaps and tapper off the visits all together. Find someone she can talk to, not a medical background, but someone who understands young girls feelings and that can listen.

I would drop the medication, slowly, tapper off and observe. Ideally no one should be medicated especially not young people. Research her meds, you’ll be surprised how many anti-depressants have sides effects of suicidal thoughts, which makes no sense to me!

There are simple steps that can be done to help her take back some control over her emotions. Until she is old enough and mature enough to handle her emotions these steps can work as a buffer between her and the strong emotions of depression she feels. ( some of these have already been mentioned above and IF it was my sister this is what I would do)

1) Exercise, Exercise, Exercise, start a small simple exercise program, don’t think gyms, think walks in the nature as a start, even if she hates it at first, second or even the tenth time this will help her.

2) Food. Cut out the bad stuff, this is so simple and has a tremendous effect on a persons ability to clarify their thinking. Cut back on sugar and fried food, no fast food, NO fast food. Eat whole foods, brown rices, pastas, fresh veg, fruit, even cut down on meats, it is very easy to eat well. Don’t be too extreme though, slowly introduce new foods and meals, and slowly leave behind any undesired eating habits. Start her days early with a good breakfast.

3) Nature, go into the nature, forests, hills, the sea as often and as early in the day as possible. Nature holds something very powerful that can help all people.

4) If you have any organizing skills or someone to help you, you could organize a group that caters for young kids to go on activities together. In my country we have a organization that brings kids on walks/hikes into the forest, they meet new kids and experience nature at the same time. You could then have your sister in your company and integrate her into a social circle. This can be done very easily and start small, advertise on local websites, in shops etc. Your sister isn’t the only kid that has trouble making friends. And parents will react positively to you.

(if she likes books instead of walks, then that is cool, but helping her out of a depression needs a different action, be a little bit tough, you are older you know better. If she is treated like a fragile little flower she will act like it, and soon all flowers wither)

Finally, things I would AVOID like the plague (if it was my sister)

1) Cut down, ideally cut out, TV. Minimize time watching TV shows, stop watching the news all together. She will not loose touch with reality, she may discover what reality really is.

2) Minimise time online, cut back on FB, youtube, online games etc. Ideally only go online every few days with a purpose rather then mindlessly searching for hours, (this is much easier said then done, but can be done)

3) No sleeping in late, get up at a good time and eat breakfast.

4) As said before, no fast food, cut down on sugar, no soft drinks at all, no caffeine.

Ok well that is what I would do, If you have a faith or believe in God I would also call upon his help as for God nothing is impossible. As I said at the start these are all my own opinions, you need to find yours. Try not to make decisions based on fear but rather heart felt sense.

I have no doubt that your sister will be perfectly fine, she will grow to be very intelligent and loving. She is fine already, she just has to se it herself.

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see-saw (0) (@see-saw) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

@rana, I totally agree with Pappa86. She’s completely fine, but as young girls, we’re especially sensitive, and small slights can be exaggerated and misconstrued the wrong way, leading to spiraling negative thought patterns and eventually suicide. I think it’s best to attack the root of her concern. It may be a singular experience or set of experiences blown out of proportion leading her to depression. It’s usually no big deal, but she can’t see it for herself yet. Once she does, I think she’ll blossom. Empathize and comfort her as best you can and she should recover

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