I only care about myself. I guess my ego has the best of me? I don’t know. I’m actually very selfless. Many people regard me as a pretty humble person. But that’s just externally. I feel like I’m constantly trying to act a certain way to be accepted and get along with others. In my own mind, all I truly care about is myself, and I don’t believe any physical interaction can change that. I feel bad because I want to care about others, but I don’t. I just keep thinking to myself “how will I react if my mom dies or my brother dies or my best friend dies?” The answer is always that I will be mentally unaffected. I guess that’s good but at the same time I feel inhumane for not really having actual feelings towards people that I love. Maybe I just don’t actually love anybody. Maybe “love” is just an external status for me. I feel like it’s impossible for anyone to permeate through my mind to the point where I actually care about them. I am all that matters to me. Nothing else really matters. It sounds dark, but it is actually a very nice and relieving thought. Everything that happens externally is simply adding to my happiness or not affecting me at all. All I want is to enjoy my existence, and that is what I’m doing. This doesn’t necessarily make me a self centered, egotistic, and conceited person. Externally, at least. It makes me happy to see other people happy. It makes me happy to be nice to others. It makes me happy to treat others like I would want to be treated, despite the way they act. It makes me happy to forgive and forget. I don’t do any of my kind gestures out of sheer compassion, but rather because I myself get joy from doing so. I don’t understand how others can be so concerned with such things. I feel like an outcast. But to me being an outcast doesn’t matter either. Because being content in my own mind is all that matters to me.
Is this the wrong mindset? Is this the right mindset? I don’t know. How can I see what it is like to actually care for someone? Is that even possible?
I’ve read and reread this several times today. It was bold and well written….and I suspect there are many here who find an aspect of themselves in it. It brings to mind the greek stoic philosophy which, in my opinion, is one of the true spiritual paths of universal love and liberation. Similar in many ways to the teachings of Buddha and Jesus. (And interestingly arose around the same timeframe.) The gist of it is you cannot control external factors. The only path to your salvation and the end of suffering is to control your own mind and its reactions and perceptions of the world around it. In doing this you liberate yourself and in this state of nirvana radiate an outward peace and light that helps liberate others. I think you are firmly on the path. Blessings.
You see the world how it truly is. Love,happiness,and sadness are all illusions we experience. It’s important to experience these things because it’s a part of the human condition but learning to take a step back and see through the smoke and mirrors is equally important.
When you were very young, you made up your mind to be this way, to protect yourself. Despite your protestations of contentment, I believe that there is a dychotomy, a scism that you are not only aware of, but which is making you uncomfortable and concerned. Your ability to act on this evident dichotomy is going to hampered by the very choices you have committed to. You are trapped – however nice your cage is – and suspect rightly that this sin’t really living, but a clever and comfortable facimile. In order to be truly free and exercise choice – which it is evident from your post is something you cannot at present command – you will need to place yourself in therapy for a couple of years and talk to someone trained and skilled in psychology. This will lead you to true freedom and choice. You have some great coping tools, but you are over using them to the detriment of a wider appreciation of life and all the experiences it offers. Yes, there will be some more suffering and yes, the work in therapy will be hard and sometimes frightening, but it will also be exhilarating and liberatng. Your true self awaits, please go and meet her and embrace her!
I can relate to this a lot. At school I act the way that I think will be most beneficial to me(making friends, cracking jokes, etc.) But once I’m by myself those people couldn’t matter less to me. I’ve gone whole summers without seeing any of them because, in my eyes, they’re just interesting(well, some of them) personalities to examine and pass the time.
I can’t relate. People who don’t try to get along with others actually care more about bothering them and really know what they’re doing when they do. You don’t seem to know to care. You don’t know why. I for example put others first and that’s why I offend them and push them away. If I didn’t care I’d pretend I want to deal with them in the first place and I wouldn’t do that to a person. Caring is a feeling, not a mindset a quality or a lifestyle. When you don’t care you really won’t pretend for too long. People notice genuineness to protect themselves and choose their contacts based on trustworthiness. Trying to be accepted and not caring don’t go together in possibility.
This sounds exactly like me! This was a rather refreshing bit you wrote because honestly I felt like I was the only person who felt this way, like a friendly sociopath. I love others but when it comes down to it, I love myself way more than anyone else and I only care for my own personal enjoyment and happiness. I think maybe you understand that when it comes down to it, everyone does everything out of some selfish desire, so you’d rather just cut to the chase and live your life. You’re so secure and happy that you can help out those in immediate need of help but you’re still your top priority.
At least that’s how I feel! :) I see nothing wrong living this way, but there’s so much pressure to be a martyr and put others before you. UGGGHHHH….
I don’t really think this is about not caring for others. When we are babies and toddlers people are always coming up to you with open mouths and bugged eyes trying to force you to react to them, and exaggerating ridiculously when they mirror your emotions . I think this is extremely unnatural and teaches us to fake our emotions to share experience with others. If you have the privilege of knowing how to be more honest then you won’t be participating much. I bet you would cry if it was your fault that your parents died.
Stop looking for people to accept you because you feel half baked right now. I didn’t go to my high school graduation because of exactly how you feel I didn’t care about that school I was done fuck graduation. But your looking for people to take pity on you. Poor me I don’t love anything or care about anyone tell me do you think I have a problem? Like seriously? Here’s your answer your a lazy shit that has no desire to express emotion because that takes energy. It’s easier to be an ass hole and say you don’t give a shit, then to go out of your way to make a smile and care for someone. I recommend that you stop being a whinney bitch. This is your wake up call to start giving a fuck. People on this site that know me will tell you my comments are usually very kind but right now what you need is tough love.
“Here’s your answer, you’re a lazy shit that has no desire to express emotion because that takes energy.”;
“I recommend that you stop being a whiny bitch.”;
“…right now what you need is tough love.”
I think you should have tried empathizing a little bit before replying that you know how someone feels. What the original poster said is that he’s content and nothing is more important to him than his own self-awareness, yet for some reason you and others around here try to make a person who isn’t replying on a thread from two months ago, about not caring to feel guilty or something? Why is that?
How does everyone know what everyone else needs around here? You can’t know another person’s conscience. Do you agree? How do you know for sure that a person needs tough love? In my opinion he’s got enough courage to know what he needs. Something a lot of people on this site really lack and need is courage, not love. I think that’s also what whiny bitches need to love in the first place, but that explains the whole discussion, doesn’t it?
I admit, I am a whiny bitch with a crazy huge ego that just expressed itself. I don’t know you and have no idea how kind you are but you speak from the heart, even though I think you missed the point.
Questioning your own conscience is courageous and I don’t think someone whiny would do that. You were emotion deprived, though. This site has that effect on people, I guess. Expressionless and persistent in its fears. :)
Don’t assume how I treat others off of one comment. Empathy isn’t what this guy needs right now. He’s been babied and sheltered so much that he doesn’t realise what tough is. You can’t ever begin to understand love or empathy until you’ve experienced uncontrollable outside catastrophes that are out of your control. I don’t always show unconditional love for everyone. Because even though it’s something you need it’s not for everyone. Grow up! The last thing I’d want is for someone to commit suicide because I’m trying to help them but in all seriousness if they did it would be like here’s kids out in the world who are sex slaves being dragged by a chain fighting to stay alive and then there’s this guy complaining about how he can’t express love and emotion. Then he commits suicide because one guy says. “All right stop the act man pull your shit together let’s go.” Look! Suicide is obviously the extreme here I get that but this post was 2 months ago and no one else thought to say to this guy grow the fuck up. Marlon was close. Let me use Marlon for this example even. Marlon is the happiest character I’ve met on this website. Marlon is crazy positive. Read his comment is it positive? Positive people that have their shot figured out have it figured out. Do you honestly think we’re just trying to be assholes wasting our time. We have much better things to do then help everyone’s problems but occasionally we do and we do a hell of a good job.
… this is gonna be awkward. Well, I’m Marlon, something weird happened with that account. Someone would think I’m making a social experiment and creating different personalities. What’s the point of being anything else than crazy positive? The best things in life are wild and free.
Hmm, yeah. Actually it turns out that life indeed is awesome, and nothing weird happened with my account after all… Martijn seems to have messed it up again and lied around that I’m an arrogant drunk to Jordan. Don’t even ask, I guess. It’s kind of obvious what’s going on.
This is cool, because it shows how ignorant some people are, and how new members like you actually pay attention to substance. Well, I think I can’t fix that and I guess it’s embarrassing for them so… I guess positivity is actually being censored here. If this account gets banned as well you should probably know not to use the site for telling anyone to grow up or something like that… because that seems to be a problem. :D
I don’t know, man. When people lie about me I tend to get sensitive. I even advised someone how not to get addicted to drinking recently, although if I’m going to be misrepresented by the owners of this site, I gotta keep in touch with the contacts I’ve already made and helped, because Martijn is clearly a whiny bitch too. It seems they have no idea who they’re banning at all like they don’t even check their own forum.That’s… just laughable. I actually await for an apology. If not, our conversation is probably going to get deleted so he can seem clean and great. You made a very good point actually: “Do you honestly think we’re just trying to be assholes wasting our time.” It’s not like trying to help people is because of someone who writes articles for the site. I actually agree with you. I confronted you because those kind of remarks are against the etiquette here, no matter how immature, half-baked and full of shit a person is. I’d seriously punch someone in the face, though. Why would I want to get banned because only one idiot has issues?
It seems like you like being untouchable emotionally, as it’s safe- but you feel lonely in that respect.
Doing things out of joy to make other people happy is fine. I feel the same, but you’re overthinking my friend, and dragging other aspects of your life into one simple “problem” or thing that is worrying you.
Try and talk to someone, maybe a therapist and sort it out :’) You’re going to be fine x