I’m 27, and I’m stagnant. I should be developing my life’s foundation right now, but I’m essentially at a standstill right now, and I loathe it.
I have let the last 7 years really slip by me while I was battling depression and such. Looking back, I was unconsciously pushing people away, and avoiding opportunities that could help me out. I’ve managed to mostly wormed my way out of it, forcing myself to understand that I really don’t have it that bad.
I’m staying in a nice mobile home, on my own with my brother. I have a decent job, have some money. Have two pretty sweet vehicles, and strong knowledge of keeping them running. None of my immediate family has died, or is sick. I’m reasonably intelligent, and have some college experience. I don’t have baby-momma drama, I haven’t committed any felonies. So basically, I haven’t fucked up my life, but I haven’t exactly done anything with it yet.
So, really, I don’t have it that bad. I know this. But I can’t seem to get moving. I’ve basically isolated myself from people for the last x years, so I have 1 friend and no partner for the last 4 years. I’ve basically just been working at a mediocre job, and drinking alone, for the last 7 years.
Thing is, I’m smarter than this. I know that if I try to find a girlfriend, I could do it. I’m a pretty decent looking guy, though I need to lose some weight. I would treat her right, and I could build a solid relationship from my side. I would never cheat and I would help her build herself up while she did the same with me… But I Don’t Look…
I have an ok job, making ok money, but I know I can do much better. I could be working at a plant right now, doing maintenance and such, building a career and making real money. But I just come home from work and basically just drink. I don’t drink ridiculous amounts, but I know it’s not helping at all, in any way. So instead of making a career, I’m getting by, check by check. I’m conditioned lazy over the years.
I daydream about leaving Alabama, and living in the mountains of Tennessee, owing my own land, and simply living out of a camper for a while. But I don’t plan for it, I haven’t researched where I could live, I don’t have savings to do that, and really, I keep forgetting I have this dream of mine, if that makes sense…
I go through periods where I think life is awesome, know that I can change it, that it’s not too late. Then there’s other days where I can barely get out of bed to get to work. Everything is dreary and I resent life. It kills me when I’m feeling good, because I know that eventually will become negative again and hate life.
There’re days I’ll eat healthy and feel good. I won’t drink, I’ll wake up well rested and smiling as the day goes on. I can actually feel my body become healthier, I’ll feel an awesome glow. Other days, I’ll drink a bunch and feel really shitty about myself. I can barely think, I can’t remember shit. I’ll make all kinds of mistakes, and know it’s all in my head, that I could fix it if I tried…
So, after all that stuff ^^^, how do I go in the right direction, and STAY that way? I want to find a cute chick, make mad love with her, be working at a respectable job, securing my future, while living in the mountains. I want to embrace life, be happy, and have the strength to pass on that energy to those in situations like I’m in now….I know it’s not too late to change my life, but I feel the turnpike to an awesome life is coming up soon, and I’m in the wrong damn lane..
Overall, I just want to improve, in most every part I can. I want to get fit while I can. I want to live where I want. I want to work how I want, be with who I want. I want to create a life worth the suffering and I want to help others do the same. It just seems like such a huge task, that I have to piece too many pieces together to quickly, and I fall back into bad habits all over.
Any advice/experience? Books I can read, videos to watch? Ect?? Thanks for caring enough to read my issues :-)
I mean the good thing is you know what you want to do, the question is just how do you do it.
There are a few ways to tackel that, you’ll get tons of advice from different people. Make to-do lists, make an inspirational poster with all your goals on it so you see it and are reminded everyday, don’t let “the big picture” discourage you, you just need baby steps.
But I think the most important thing is what you said in the middle, “ I’ll make all kinds of mistakes, and know it’s all in my head, that I could fix it if I tried… “
I think you should focus on your thought patterns, and start to write them down. What makes a day good? What makes it bad? How do you feel each morning, what happened previously (the night/day before) that may have made you feel that way?
Start shining a spotlight (or even a flashlight to start!) on how you feel each day, and soon you’ll be able to notice some patterns and find out what makes you do what you do.
Final thought is that there’s never a final turnpike in life. Even if you miss one chance, you’ll always have another. But, thats not a reason to slack off, because the longer you wait the harder it becomes, so it is best to make changes ASAP. It’s just good to remember that, because even if you can’t make changes very quickly, that doesn’t make it hopeless.