I Should Be Kicking Life's Butt Right Now

Nomercynary (@nomercynary) 3 years, 9 months ago

I’m 27, and I’m stagnant. I should be developing my life’s foundation right now, but I’m essentially at a standstill right now, and I loathe it. 

I have let the last 7 years really slip by me while I was battling depression and such. Looking back, I was unconsciously pushing people away, and avoiding opportunities that could help me out. I’ve managed to mostly wormed my way out of it, forcing myself to understand that I really don’t have it that bad.  

I’m staying in a nice mobile home, on my own with my brother. I have a decent job, have some money. Have two pretty sweet vehicles, and strong knowledge of keeping them running. None of my immediate family has died, or is sick. I’m reasonably intelligent, and have some college experience. I don’t have baby-momma drama, I haven’t committed any felonies. So basically, I haven’t fucked up my life, but I haven’t exactly done anything with it yet. 

So, really, I don’t have it that bad. I know this. But I can’t seem to get moving. I’ve basically isolated myself from people for the last x years, so I have 1 friend and no partner for the last 4 years. I’ve basically just been working at a mediocre job, and drinking alone, for the last 7 years. 

Thing is, I’m smarter than this. I know that if I try to find a girlfriend, I could do it. I’m a pretty decent looking guy, though I need to lose some weight. I would treat her right, and I could build a solid relationship from my side. I would never cheat and I would help her build herself up while she did the same with me… But I Don’t Look… 

I have an ok job, making ok money, but I know I can do much better. I could be working at a plant right now, doing maintenance and such, building a career and making real money. But I just come home from work and basically just drink. I don’t drink ridiculous amounts, but I know it’s not helping at all, in any way. So instead of making a career, I’m getting by, check by check. I’m conditioned lazy over the years. 

I daydream about leaving Alabama, and living in the mountains of Tennessee, owing my own land, and simply living out of a camper for a while. But I don’t plan for it, I haven’t researched where I could live, I don’t have savings to do that, and really, I keep forgetting I have this dream of mine, if that makes sense… 

I go through periods where I think life is awesome, know that I can change it, that it’s not too late. Then there’s other days where I can barely get out of bed to get to work. Everything is dreary and I resent life. It kills me when I’m feeling good, because I know that eventually will become negative again and hate life.  

There’re days I’ll eat healthy and feel good. I won’t drink, I’ll wake up well rested and smiling as the day goes on. I can actually feel my body become healthier, I’ll feel an awesome glow. Other days, I’ll drink a bunch and feel really shitty about myself.  I can barely think, I can’t remember shit. I’ll make all kinds of mistakes, and know it’s all in my head, that I could fix it if I tried… 

So, after all that stuff ^^^, how do I go in the right direction, and STAY that way? I want to find a cute chick, make mad love with her, be working at a respectable job, securing my future, while living in the mountains. I want to embrace life, be happy, and have the strength to pass on that energy to those in situations like I’m in now….I know it’s not too late to change my life, but I feel the turnpike to an awesome life is coming up soon, and I’m in the wrong damn lane.. 

Overall, I just want to improve, in most every part I can. I want to get fit while I can. I want to live where I want. I want to work how I want, be with who I want. I want to create a life worth the suffering and I want to help others do the same. It just seems like such a huge task, that I have to piece too many pieces together to quickly, and I fall back into bad habits all over.  

Any advice/experience? Books I can read, videos to watch? Ect??  Thanks for caring enough to read my issues :-) 

October 18, 2018 at 9:33 pm
Bryan Hellard (307)M (@xyver) 3 years, 9 months ago ago

I mean the good thing is you know what you want to do, the question is just how do you do it.

There are a few ways to tackel that, you’ll get tons of advice from different people.  Make to-do lists, make an inspirational poster with all your goals on it so you see it and are reminded everyday, don’t let “the big picture” discourage you, you just need baby steps.

But I think the most important thing is what you said in the middle, “ I’ll make all kinds of mistakes, and know it’s all in my head, that I could fix it if I tried… 

I think you should focus on your thought patterns, and start to write them down.  What makes a day good?  What makes it bad?  How do you feel each morning, what happened previously (the night/day before) that may have made you feel that way?

Start shining a spotlight (or even a flashlight to start!) on how you feel each day, and soon you’ll be able to notice some patterns and find out what makes you do what you do.

Final thought is that there’s never a final turnpike in life.  Even if you miss one chance, you’ll always have another.  But, thats not a reason to slack off, because the longer you wait the harder it becomes, so it is best to make changes ASAP.  It’s just good to remember that, because even if you can’t make changes very quickly, that doesn’t make it hopeless.

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Visor (2) (@Visor) 3 years, 9 months ago ago

Similar experience here. You could try Jordan Peterson’s content. His Maps of Meaning and 12 Rules for Life.

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Nomercynary (5) (@nomercynary) 3 years, 9 months ago ago

I actually have his 12 steps book on my desk right now. I got to step 9 i think? and havent gotten back into the book since. I know i should. Really been considering doing his future authoring program, sounds like what i need right now. 

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angel alchemy (15) (@angedoll) 3 years, 9 months ago ago

I was actually just speaking with a dear friend of mine today who is feeling similarly stagnant to how you’ve described. He was feeling that he’s been “wasting away” the past few years and hasn’t been able to achieve anything notable.

I asked him why he felt that his sense of progress and achievement needed to be defined by something resume worthy or as proof of worthiness at family gatherings? Cause in my eyes, while I can see his is still struggling, he has grown and developed so much since I have known him. he’s developed vision for his future (just like you) and has broken down some of his guard, and also been expressing himself with more feeling, authenticity and confidence. Even with new or less familiar people. 

Small steps become big leaps, as they say. `Like you said, sometimes you feel you do better (eat better, sleep better, connect more), and that shakes up that hardwiring and you feel a sense of mastery and satisfaction. Ever day or moment that you DO something different, that strives toward WHAT MIGHT BE, you’re one step closer. Even if the next day, or next moment, or next step falters. The more we adapt and embrace change, even when we inevitably then retreat into problematic or habitual familiarity, the more that change becomes a leap, than a balance into equilibium.

You’ve got this thing.

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Michau (4) (@uznam) 3 years, 8 months ago ago

Hey, I think I remember your post from about 10 months ago! I’m glad I came across this new thread – I’d be happy to offer some further insights from what, in the hindsight, turned out to be the best year of my life. I’ll try to keep it short and structured, but you are more than welcome to address any specific issues. Actually, it’s the only thing I’d like to ask of you, just please stay active in this thread – “thanks for caring enough to reply to what I write” ;)

First off, do me another favor and read what you wrote at that time (https://highexistence.com/topic/im-struggling-with-life-in-general-and-could-use-some-advise-on-my-crazyness/) and compare your thought and behavior patterns with what you write now.

Please read the advice given by contributors in that old thread – the single common recommendation almost all of them offered (while admitting a past similar problem with alcohol, including myself) was to QUIT DRINKING.

To put things straight: drinking fucks up your body, mind and spirit in a myriad of both obvious and unthinkable ways. Drinking directly creates or at least greatly contributes to all of your problems.

For this reason, I believe staying sober should be your only focus until you feel strong enough to handle the rest (relationship, money, life goals, etc.). I would say 6-8 weeks is the minimum for your body to detoxify, so it’s fucking stupid and unproductive to worry about those other problems – using your metaphor (I know it might be harsh, but fuck that): why would you worry about missing the turnpike now? You’re not in the wrong lane – I’d say that currently you’re not even in a car and have no idea where a turnpike is. Staying sober means finding a car. Find it and keep it at all cost. Only then we can think together what repairs it might need before we start looking for a turnpike.

How to stay sober? please refer to extensive advice in the old thread. In a nutshell – exercise, diet, perseverance, vigilance. If you fail and have a drink – start over again, but promise yourself never to stop trying.

Last but not least – it is only in your hands, it’s the shit you yourself must own. Nobody is going to do that for you, there are no miracles, no knights in shining armor. This depends solely on your effort.

Ultimately, here’s a short but well written blog entry from an overall excellent resource and community built around it. Take your time to read the entry (here) and then the entire blog carefully and chronologically, as the author goes from sobriety Day One to where she is now – and it’s nothing short of impressive. It also gives you an idea of the effort she put into the whole process, but I can assure you her observations are spot on – it’s half job done, the other half is to read and recognize the same in your life. Also, it contains one of my favourite quotations about sobriety  – ‘[…] protect that shit like it’s sacred… because it fucking is”. 

Looking forward to your thoughts, fingers crossed!

M.

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