I was left alone

Petiolaris (@hydrangea1) 9 years, 1 month ago

Not physically but I’ve been left alone, I am one of the million cases of child abandoment, child abuse (physical and verbally), I’ve been rejected, misunderstood, silenced, beaten, burned, brought down, insulted by people whom I love the most. People have taken advantage of me, abused my will to do good since I was a little girl (5-6yrs) and I have grown bitter. Bitter and negative. And it seems that I have the tendency of making people who love me leave, and not only leave, but leave with the worst image of me. I kinda was just writing this post to let off some steam. But still… How can someone live with so much resentment?

October 19, 2012 at 8:25 pm
Nick (554) (@splashartist) 9 years, 1 month ago ago

@hydrangea1, Let go, live in the moment. Free yourself from the unruley grasp of the ego. You are not the future or past. You simply are.
Meditate.

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Timm (12) (@tdowling) 9 years, 1 month ago ago

i have heard that the degree of hell one can endure is the measure of heaven one can create

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who (557) (@season) 9 years, 1 month ago ago

@hydrangea1, Well, You are, and that’s admirable. If it gets too heavy there are others here, that’s why we are here.

<3 from HE

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Brandy (26) (@bnwesol) 9 years, 1 month ago ago

I can relate, but only in a very small sense. I am not you, and you are not me. I will never know what you went through, as well as you with I. It is a very sad feeling, but the first thing to do is not beat yourself up about it. It is much easier said than done. I have a tendancy of pushing people away that I love, and I still havent quite figured out how to stop, how to correct this habit. Make sure you look at the positives in people, and not the negative. I know I must take my own advice, but maybe this is a step for both of us. Think logically and do not let your feelings take over when you are mad. The best advice anyone can take is to take a moment to breathe and reflect before you speak out of anger. <3

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DaJetPlane (994)M (@lytning91) 9 years, 1 month ago ago

@hydrangea1, mad respect and mad love to you, girl. Tonight you have all my love with you.

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Anonymous (2,833) (@) 9 years, 1 month ago ago

Example:
A professor who taught me such an incredible amount about sociology, psychology, paradigms, graffiti… the list goes on, came from a mother who was a heroine addict. and an absent father. He grew up in a shitty slum part of LA and blew my mind with his perceptions of things. Literally changed me forever. He used his negative background to push himself forward, to reach for something better than he had grown up with. He has a beautiful house, a wonderful girlfriend, and 3 adorable children who he treats very kindly.

A friend of mine studies mathematics and is the smartest person I have ever met in my entire life, hands down. He came from a fundamentalist christian family, was forced to wear “armor” around his house, could not leave the house for anything other than church related things, and went through hell trying to figure things out on his own. His mother wouldn’t allow music, movies, or any type of entertainment. He was punished if they found out. His only escape was the library, where he read mathematics. He won the WORLD’S science fair a while ago – as in, he won out of everyone in the entire world. He’s been contacted by nasa, the pentagon, and many agencies trying to recruit him.

This type of tension, this friction in life is what molds people into some of the most constructive and powerful people on earth. You can use this to increase your strength to reach for goodness, or you can allow it to swallow you, as you sit in the negative. Its up to you.

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Media Messiah (6) (@massmediamessiah) 9 years, 1 month ago ago

@ijesuschrist, Thank you! The world needs so many more stories like that.

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Matthew (1,127) (@ojai) 9 years, 1 month ago ago

@ijesuschrist, ^^^ he said it the very fucking best.

@hydrangea1, See how these fit —

“freedom is what you do with what’s been done to you” – Jean Paul Sarte

And

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company… a church… a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past… we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you… we are in charge of our Attitudes.” – Charles Swindoll

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Filip (2,818)M (@filipek) 9 years, 1 month ago ago

You are not your thoughts
You are not your experiences
You are not the body where you reside in

You can choose at ANYTIME what you feel, you have the power to change whenever it is you want to change.

You choose to live with ‘so much resentment’. What you describe is simply your ego. To get out of the misery you find yourself in you simply have to become aware of it, become present, become conscious. This is the only thing there is, the past does not exist, the future does not exist, only the now, simply BEING. There is nothing you need to do to BE, simply be aware of the fact that you are, be aware of what you feel, disidentify with the fragmentary, compulsory and discordant thoughts you experience, because you are NOT your thoughts. Be aware of your thoughts, and you become present, the only state that actually exists. The rest is only made up by our ego’s.

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Jordan Zito (2) (@jordanzito) 9 years, 1 month ago ago

@hydrangea1 Happiness comes from within. Only you can create it. Take a moment to reflect on and accept the obstacles you have endured in your life, but then put them away. Never let the way others treat you define who you are and how you think of yourself. You are amazing, because you are YOU.

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Gabe (0) (@gbabs) 9 years, 1 month ago ago

@hydrangea1, everyone has events throughout life that shape who they are. I’ve learned through life to keep it simple because things will unfold the way they do, it is just the way things happen. Keeping it simple, i want you to know that nobody knows your struggle better than you do and noone can give you better advice than your own thoughts. There really is close to nothing on this planet that should genuinely upset you because you just need to embrace everything happening around you, everything occurring is just that natural way of things whether you influence it or not. Grow from it, get strength from it, let it mold You into who You want to be. Stop existing and start living because whether you think it is fair or not, life is gonna keep on going whether you want to hate it or whether you want to live it.

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Anonymous (0) (@) 9 years, 1 month ago ago

Well fate has brought you to this site. Maybe something is driving you from your despair and the start is this site.

What do you enjoy in life?

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Petiolaris (23) (@hydrangea1) 9 years, 1 month ago ago

thank you to all… I guess I should start to be more positive… Your stories have moved me and It bring me one step closer to resolution, maybe i'”m still far away but i have moved forward. Thank you all … You’ve all made me feel like there is still hope… even for someone who has never been familiar with that term.

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Sarah Porter (6) (@srenaldo) 9 years, 1 month ago ago

I have experienced the same thing many times over and it is truly hurtful. Both of my parents abandoned me when I was 11 and I was placed in foster care in which my foster parents abused me. Later on when I was 19 I finally got away from it all but I had no friends or family because I was moved around from one placement center to the next and I was often not allowed to attend public school. When I got away from it all I had to build my life up from nothing and it was very hard. I eventually ended up in a relationship for four years where I was abused and so I left the guy but I felt like he had abandoned me because I didn’t leave him because I didn’t love him, it was just because he treated me so badly. After a few years I was in another relationship for 2 years and the guy that I was with was even more abusive. He constantly told me that I was not pretty enough for him and he would never listen to me when I tried to express my feelings. After all of this I am so negative about the world and men in general. I feel like I have been abandoned so many times. I am so sorry to hear that you also have been abandoned. I know that it hurts a lot. If you need someone to talk to I am here for you. : )

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VeniVidiVinci (2) (@helios15) 9 years, 1 month ago ago

@hydrangea1 a volte la speranza é vicino a te

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Anonymous (291) (@) 9 years, 1 month ago ago

From a survivor to a fellow survivor, it’s easy in hindsight.

First, you need to start forgiving. It’s hard, but forgive those who have hurt you. Forgive yourself. Let go of all those things that haunt you – the fights, the physical beatings, the betrayals, the harsh words. Because the longer you hold onto these, the more it burns its image unto you. And people can see this, can see the hatred you allow to boil under your skin. It’s time to stop, and to start forgiving.

Allow yourself to love who you are. You are beautiful, strong, and compassionate, but you are hurt, in pain, and broken. Put the latter aside and focus on yourself. Focus on how much strength you have, how far you’ve come. Realize you are a survivor, and no matter how many times you get fucked, no one can take that away from you.

Realize that you can’t avoid pain, but you can be accepting and open to you. You need to realize that no one is perfect, no one is going to be the perfect one. But the second you start seeing yourself in a light different from the one you are currently trapped in, the more likely you are going to attract people who truly care about you and who are willing to love you through the good and bad.

Honey, I’ve been in your shoes. I’ve been physically, sexually, and mentally abused for two decades, and though at times it’s hard to put away that hate, life is so much more beautiful behind eyes that see the good in all – and not just in all, but the good in myself. We may have been raised to believe we were always in the wrong, but its now time for you to accept that that is a fault, because you were never wrong – its time for you to live for YOU.

If you want to talk further, you’re always welcome to message me.

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Jeremy (207)C (@chadvice) 9 years, 1 month ago ago

@hydrangea1, Read your way to understanding if you cant grasp how to do these things now. My suggestions:

the alchemist by paulo coehlo
eleven minutes by paulo coehlo
the power of now by eckhart tolle
a new earth by eckhart tolle
the fifth agreement by don miguel ruiz
the mastery of love by don miguel ruiz
the tao te ching by lao tzu
conversations with god by neal donald walsch
all of mitch alboms books are great

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