I’ve been lurking for a while and would like to gain some insight. I’m working towards a PhD in the same town I got my bachelor’s degree. All of my friends(real friends) have since moved. I’ve got acquaintances here, but my introverted nature will barely allow it. I strive for close, meaningful interaction with no more than a handful of friends. Right now, in my city, I have none.
One thing I notice is that while I have lived in this town for 6+ years now, most of its inhabitants are on what they view as an extended vacation. It’s party time, all the time (not that I mind parties). The problem is, I can’t seem to find anyone with the same interests as me (rock climbing, backpacking, philosophy), and when I do, it seems to fall into one of a few categories:
1. They are the definition of extrovert, have tons of friends and are happy to bring me in, but I don’t get that 1 on 1 that I desire.
2. They are in the category of going out way too much and can’t do anything that doesn’t revolve around it.
3. They are 100% immersed in whichever activity I meet them through and eat, sleep and think that activity.
I have looked at online groups, and there isn’t much that doesn’t fit into one of the above three categories. I looked at the craigslist activity section and thought I hit gold. It was titled “Looking for kayaking buddy”. Ok, now I might be on to something. The post read: “Looking for a guy to go kayaking with and maybe play around with in the backwaters…I’m bi.”
I’m starting to feel that idiocracy has come to life and I’m the only sane individual walking around. Everything is either groups of raving lunatics getting puke-drunk, guys looking for other dudes to fool around with, etc. Weird times, friends.
Elaborate on the 3rd point, because I don’t understand. Being immersed a 100% in an activity is a goal for many people in an age with so many distractions. When someone tries to say something like this I expect it to be said with energy. Weird I don’t feel you at all. Maybe it’s just me.
I see what you mean. I am interested in a wide array of things; jack of all trades you could say. So I find it hard to relate to people who live fully for one thing. This happens most with the climbing people. All they want to do, think, or talk about is climbing. That’s just an example, but I feel severely limited by focusing all of my energy on one thing.
I sea what you mean too. I think there’s a fundamental truth written in every existing religion and philosophy, which simply says that people always have one thing to climb and it’s becoming better for themselves alone. Through their betterment and climbing others do it too and it helps our human condition. It’s how you realize you’re not as alone as you think.
Idiocracy has been a real thing for a long-ass time. Some countries have always been worse than the rest, and the one most people on this site inhabit has always been the very worst, for the couple of centuries that it’s been around that is.
Harsh, but true.
And so is the following…
So you want friends, but you only meet really lame people? That’s par for the course. If having friends means so damn much, settle for the idiots. Can’t have everything, and especially not on your own conditions, especially not for free.
The world wasn’t made for you, wasn’t made for me, wasn’t made for anyone. Anything that doesn’t suck is a blessing and a privilege, most of the time nobody comes across such things. Yet people expect it, and they expect lots and lots of it, and they aren’t willing to do anything to get it.
That’s the fundamental source of this idiocy that’s taking over.
Humans aren’t made for introversion, humans aren’t made for dedication to hobbies, humans aren’t made to obsess over feels.
These things are just as stupid and pointless as partying. I’m not saying it’s wrong to want that stuff, I sure do like it, but when you bash on the party people you’re being a huge hypocrite. And hypocrites don’t make good friends.
Friends are nice to have, but it is a side bonus in life. Focusing on something like that is like going to a restaurant to order a bowl of cumin or oregano with nothing else.
Not only that, but you’re very unlikely to make good friends when that’s what you’re all about, and much more likely to make good friends if you’re a carefree person with real stuff going on in life…. rather than just chasing shadows.
Humans have lost connection with reality, nature, true human values and desires. So everyone is fucking lost, because they all try to live like something they’re not, and nobody knows a fucking reason for it yet everyone just keeps going.
These people have very little to none of that genuine appeal to other humans, and therefore a loyal friend or passionate lover is a very rare thing that comes at a high cost.
Shouldn’t be like that, but the stupid humans have made it that way.
I’ve been observing very bravely my hypocrisy lately and almost forgot that when I joined this site I was lurking and reading shit from you that uplifted me. Respect, Emil.
You’re leaning a little on the lone badass wolf. Sometimes I think it’s just fucked up that we all have to become self-sufficient individually to the level of ugly cynicism and when another cynic relates things aren’t getting any better. I think I’m tired of this shit. I think I’ve grown beyond that too.
Thanks for the feedback, mate. Glad you found it uplifting.
Becoming self-sufficient is, like it always has been, the natural path of least resistance. It takes continuous effort to become as useless as the average person is today. It is actually much easier to “live life the hard way” and rise above the petty man-made bullshit that kicks you in the teeth at every waking moment.
The word cynic has some nasty stuff attached to it, due to social conditioning, but cynicism isn’t a bad thing. People hate cynics out of fear and envy, nobody likes the bastard who nonchalantly opens the door they’re too afraid to open. Because they know that he might find something on the other side that would give him an advantage because the others don’t dare take a look.
Just like “witches” and scientists in the dark ages, the good humans of today are demonised by the lowly.
A lone ass wolf, huh?
Well, I wouldn’t be flying solo if there wasn’t such a huge deficiency of great people. Sacrificing more of the fantastic just to accommodate another pointless burden, that is insanity and only the fool of fools could ignore that.
Badass, me? Not really. I may appear hard and fierce sometimes but that is only in comparison to the atrophied, spineless commoners.
I have very little in common with a wolf. But if you compare a collie to a chihuahua, then I guess it looks a bit wolf-ish.
Next to a hambeast the most bland of bimbos looks like an angel, next to a strongman we all look small.
A carbonara would look very luxurious at a mcdonald’s, but it would look utterly distasteful at a fancy restaurant.
Very good reply. Nice way of looking at things. One thing I want to mention is that I don’t intend to bash on the party people, just that it’s not where my interests lie in and find that as a major source of the dissonance between myself and others.
What do you mean ‘real stuff going on in life’? I’m curious to know.
That’s the strange thing, though, isn’t it?
Countless people, all saying that everyone else is just partying or stuff like that, that they’d like friends who aren’t like that… if so many are in that boat, then how come all repeat over and over that they’re lonely and can’t find anyone to befriend?
When I say real stuff going on in life, I mean what I say. I say what I mean. Something that isn’t just a job or a way to kill time waiting for the next job session.
Ambitions, projects, strife, some kind of movement in life… that’s what I mean when I say real stuff going on.
Idiocracy is the consequence of society’s lack of satire. It’s a simple thing and makes everyone wonder. :) People’s belief “Oh, I hold no responsibility because being indifferent is the way?” usually leads to epiphanies about their karma. Fooling around with karma is willful carelessness and it’s a little embarrassing. “Well, uh, I was, uh, negligent about, uh, everything, good thing I still have human rights or something!”
This is the idiocracy. People want to “just be” and not fight for anything, it makes you weaker and dumber until all that’s left is a useless husk.
Indulgent lazy people who feel entitled to the world, living off their surroundings without ever giving back.
This is what the idiocracy is all about. In the movie and in the real world alike.
That has nothing to do with how I was referring to the term. This ‘existing’ with a like minded companion is alluded to as a way of blowing off steam. Not as some kind of lifestyle.
You’re definitely right though about the movie, and I never saw it that way but it makes perfect sense. I’m referring more to the idea that everyone is listening to weak ass Katy Perry and not willing to think outside the box oftentimes.
Connect the dots.
That “music” is just like the stuff in the movie. Cheap, simple, readily available, shiny, hyped, there’s lots of it and it’s everywhere… so of course that’s what the typical dumbass chooses.
This is their choice because they’re lazy and dumb, and they’re lazy and dumb because they rarely have to use their brains or muscles in the modern world, because a bunch of comfy-ass idiots think that’s the way the world should be.
Domesticated rubbish people, slaves to comfort and security.
Expecting a normal person to have a worthwhile thought is like expecting a fish to climb a tree… it’s not gonna happen.
People aren’t real persons any more, they’ve turned themselves into fucking livestock.
LIke-minded companion. That’s what this whole post started with–looking for friends. That is sort of what like-minded companions are . . . I too have problems finding that. Everyone is so focused on achievement and goals. But I’m not sure we, as people, know how to just exist with one another anymore.
Yeah ideally that’s what a friend is. It can be challenging. It has been particularly challenging for me after my old friend circle kind of dissolved and I’m left to search for new ones.
I think what I desire is that particular way of looking at the world. Or even a new way that I haven’t experienced. Most of the people I meet don’t seem very eager to analyze or question anything. That’s one benefit of this site and probably why so many people like it. A lot of ‘like-minded’ individuals here, questioning and discussing experiences. Achievements or not, I think it is the similarity in perception that really creates the bond. Just my thoughts though.
Your post says nothing about other people, but everything about yourself. You have no idea what’s in someone else’s head, what their life is like, or what they believe in and how they live.
Just remember this: your opinion of the world is also a confession of your character.
I can only speak about what’s in my own head. Since the post is about my inability to relate with many others, this seems natural. If I did know what went on in others heads, I probably wouldn’t ask for advice about the issue.
the post also isn’t a representation of my opinion of the world or the intelligence of others.
To truly find your place you have to understand how people work. People in general feel they have to have a title to exist. The partier, kayaker, slut, fun loving, simple, trite, cute, working, independent, extrovert, introvert, lover of animals, vegan, christian, catholic, or any number of varieties of placed labels that are bestowed upon us at birth. We as a whole feel that we must perform at all times to be seen and to matter. If we have a label then we must be worth something. It is a loneliness that most never realize. So they own those titles and stick to their “groups” and function on the same playing field as most because it’s safe. Very few are brave enough or enlightened enough to just be.
I promise there are people out there that feel the same way as you… I have many acquaintances but very few friends. But the friends I do have that are scattered across this amazing world are the most enlightened and beautiful people. So keep looking and don’t lose hope because you might possibly create a label for yourself as the anti social dude lol.