I'm 20, & have no clue what I'm doing with my life…

 Alicia Combs (@DeadButNotYet)5 years, 7 months ago

Is anyone else feeling the same too? I went to college for two years, dropped out, met my current boyfriend, up and left my family from Idaho, and drove cross-country to live in Maine with him… I have been trying to figure my shit out since leaving highschool but I can’t focus on any “one” thing. I have so many things I could see myself doing, yet not being able to make up my mind. So now I am waking up to go to the same 9-5 job everyday making little money (& although I love my job working with animals I can’t just be happy with it), feeling like there’s not much purpose to my life anymore. I want to make a change, but I am scared that in order for me to change I will need to up and leave again… but I can’t just keep leaving to find something I’ll never get. I don’t know how to just be content. I feel like I am just wasting time in my life, but I don’t know what to do. I feel like I need to leave my relationship, but I am so in-love and attatched to him that I’m going to be more focused on getting over heartbreak that “finding myself”. I feel so lost, and stuck… I feel like I need to run away from everyone and everything, but what good is that going to fix my problems?

February 13, 2016 at 4:12 pm
Emma (193) (@emmaclaire) 5 years, 7 months ago ago

You remind me of myself at age 20! At your age I was having regular existential crises and what I liked to call quarter-life crises just about every day. Haha. :) I’m 24 now. I still don’t know what I want to do for the rest of my life but I’ve realized it’s okay. I’m learning more about myself and the world and enjoying the journey every day.

You need to explore. You need to find a balance between providing for yourself and discovering what you’re into. It’s totally okay to be interested in a lot of things, in fact it’s really cool! Our working world doesn’t cater to such people so you may have to pave your own way and work a little harder. Check this out, you may be a multipotentialite: http://puttylike.com/ 

And also watch this for consolation and encouragement on finding your “passion(s).”  http://www.supersoul.tv/supersoul-sessions/elizabeth-gilbert-flight-hummingbird-curiosity

You also need to find a balance between exploring your interests and accepting where you are. Don’t fall prey to the idea that the grass is always greener on the other side so much that you can never be content. Let curiosity be the main driver in your life, not fear or discomfort. Don’t be paralyzed by indecision. Don’t stagnate. Your decisions do shape your future but not every decision is life-or-death. It’s often a myth that there is one “best” option out there for you. There may be many good options so just do the best you can to pick one you like! You can always turn your attention elsewhere later if it’s not a good fit.

Just make the most out of whatever you’re doing. I wish you luck dear one. :)

Alicia Combs (3) (@DeadButNotYet) 5 years, 7 months ago ago

WOW! I had never even heard of a multipotentialite… I couldn’t access the article, but I looked up a Tedtalk & watched it. I actually started crying cause I realized that that is defiently me, and it’s sad to think that it’s wired in our brains at a young age to pick one thing to devote our life to. I realize now I’m wasting my time trying to pick something, that I’m now doing none of the things I like! I should just stop worrying about that one thing and embrace the many curiosities I have. Thank you, that actually helped quite a bit! :)

Emma (193) (@emmaclaire) 5 years, 7 months ago ago

Wonderful! I’m glad to see this helped you. 

Lorenaleite (1) (@Lorenaleite) 5 years, 7 months ago ago

What a great video. Thank you a lot for share, helped me too a lot

Ellie (1,363)M (@tangledupinplaid21) 5 years, 7 months ago ago

If you’re asking whether there’s anyone else out there that also has no idea what they’re doing with their life, I think the answer is yes. Many people feel like that.

I know what you mean about seeing many different things you can do but not being able to make up your mind. These are the things that tend to fall into place as long as you keep thinking about it and looking. You can’t just expect it to fall into your lap, but if you keep your mind open, brain storm, research, and work at it, it will come. It takes a long time to figure that stuff out, and there’s nothing wrong with not knowing right now. You have plenty of time to test out different things before you find something you’d like to focus on more “seriously”.

I completely know how it feels to be unhappy in a life situation, yet wonder if it’s just a matter of a lack of being able to be content, rather than the situation. It could be a combination of the two, but if there are specific things (such as feeling like you need to leave your relationship) that keep popping up, it’s for a reason. And depending on how long you have been having these feelings, (and second guessing them), it might feel more like relief than heart ache when you finally heed the signals and break up.

If you were to just leave again, it’s likely that you’d feel lost and sad for a little while, but I am willing to bet that you would also feel happy on some level, and free to live your own life instead of trying to fit into something you don’t vibe with anymore. Sometimes running away from “everyone and everything” is the best way to figure things out, and can help you gain some clarity and independence. It won’t be instant, but it will happen. I did this one time and it was the best decision I ever made.

Alicia Combs (3) (@DeadButNotYet) 5 years, 7 months ago ago

So, how’d it turn out for you after you ran away? I am second guessing myself a lot, but can’t tell if it’s just my unwillingness to be content. I have everything I could ever need… I’m just lacking fulfillment of “self”.

Ellie (1,363)M (@tangledupinplaid21) 5 years, 7 months ago ago

My situation was a lot like yours, I was living in a new state for some months and very unhappy. I knew I needed to leave my relationship, but kept having doubts because I was afraid and had no idea where I would go or what I’d do. I could feel that I needed to be doing other things with life (but no idea what) and that the situation wasn’t right, but any time I tried to bring this up he would tell me that I could never be satisfied and that was the problem… so I wondered if that was true.

Well it turns out it was both, I had issues that needed to be dealt with, and I was also in the wrong situation. So I waited until it literally became too painful to stay anymore (not the best way to handle it) and finally ended up moving the next day on a bus. First I lived in my friend’s living room for a bit back in the city I lived in before. Then I moved back in with my dad for a while. At my dad’s place I had no friends and didn’t have my own space. I was forced to be alone with myself for the first time in a while and it wasn’t that fun at times, but I still knew it was the right thing. Finally I could look at my life and think about what I wanted, and not have to make my visions fit in with other factors, or tell myself that I couldn’t do certain things. So I used this time to work a LOT and save up money to travel. This is why I said it was the best decision I ever made, because all that time alone gave me the opportunity to finally know myself, and it led to that.

Alicia Combs (3) (@DeadButNotYet) 5 years, 7 months ago ago

This sounds a lot like me… & how I bring up leaving or wanting more my boyfriend says I’ll never be satisfied. So, I’ve believed him & ever since I’ve been trying to find contentment & inner peace. How long did you stay before shit hit the fan? I am stuck at the fork looking down two different roads… I see a future living with the man I love, & I see a single adventurous path full of surprizes. I feel that if I left, all I would want is to come back to him… so that is my uncertainty & I am scared to go that far.

Ellie (1,363)M (@tangledupinplaid21) 5 years, 7 months ago ago

2 years. It’s possible to ignore those signals for a very long time. I thought that I would feel the same way when I left but I didn’t regret it once (which may have been because I waited so long to finally leave and admit that it wasn’t working).
My friends took me to the bus station that day and I was crying and sad but had an overwhelming feeling of rightness at the same time. It’s not like breakups are ever a joyous occasion, but they are the best option sometimes, and can lead to better things.

If remaining with someone you love is worth giving up something you really want to do, it just doesn’t seem like a good trade off. And also people who want to travel and have adventures being with someone that doesn’t want the same thing doesn’t sound very compatible, and isn’t in my experience.

The thing is, it will work out either way. If it isn’t right, you will feel it more and more as time goes on until you eventually can’t ignore it anymore.

Adamous92 (3) (@Adamous92) 5 years, 7 months ago ago

I’m 23 and still don’t know what to do with my life. It’s funny, cause I talked to a friend of mine who is 26, and still she doesn’t know what to do with her life. And I’m the kind of person who has done a lot of things in my life. I’ve travelled, experienced and don’t some epic shit with my life and now I’m sitting here still wondering what to do with my time. But it all comes down to this. What kind of change do you want to see in the world? What can you do for other people today? What will you do even though you are broke and friendless for the rest of your life? And it’s a question we all have to answer every single day. And you will get lost. You’re 20 and three years ago I was in the same boat. But I kept doing, and kept learning, kept helping and kept living and by the end of that 3 years I still have some existential crisis. 

What I say is this though. You can always find yourself RIGHT NOW! Everything is a choice of the moment. Everything. This moment right now, when you are reading this, you can choose what you want to do with your time. Do you want to feel lost? Or do you want to keep learning and doing what you really want to do? Your choice. Every. Single. Time.


UpgradedSpecs (0) (@UpgradedSpecs) 5 years, 7 months ago ago

Hey Alicia firstly i just want to let you know that you’re not alone, 20 is still young ! Some People find what “Their Purpose”  in life is… And some, Well some Never Find it because of Over thinking, I understand you tho taking risks is Pretty scary ! because we never know the outcome of the situation, But we’ll NEVER know the TRUE  outcome of it Unless we TRY

if you don’t take the risk you already gave up, without  even trying !!! 

I’ve analyzed your Post word for word and I’m going to Quote you on some of the things you’ve said.

1. “I have so many things I could see myself doing, yet not being able to make up my mind”  

Okay Good, So you see yourself Doing Different things to find that “Change” You’re Seeking for in Life. 

2. I can’t just keep leaving to find something I’ll never get” 

<font color=”#283235″>Who said you Have to Leave ? And Who said that You’ll Never Get it ??? you haven’t even taken the first step… the first step is TRYING. and if you “Fail” that’s The Best thing that can happen to you because Failure does not Exist Failure Just means, that you messed up but just learned the reason to why it is that it happen, so Now you now how to do it properly, and can continue on your Journey to success. </font>

3. “feeling like there’s not much purpose to my life anymore”

<font color=”#283235″>Take the RISK ! do what you Truly want to do, and Disregard everyone’s Opinions on the Decision that you’ve taken. I can see you’re not happy right now in life  you can Lie to yourself And say that you are happy ! to the Point where you will start to believe that  lie Knowing that its a Lie ! and soon that converts into a reality.. Thoughts Lead into Feelings, Feelings lead into actions and Actions Lead into results.   I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT :D ! </font>

4. “I feel like I am just wasting time in my life, but I don’t know what to  do” 

<font color=”#283235″>You are Wasting your time ! If you say you’re not Content with the way things are and  you’re Not doing anything  what’s so ever to change it, Nothing will change! EVERYTHING will Stay the SAME. </font>

<font color=”#283235″>You Do know what you want to do ! you’re just scared of taking the risk… </font>


<font color=”#283235″>If you Need More Guidance:</font>

<font color=”#283235″>IG: @upgradedspecs</font>

<font color=”#283235″>Twitter: @upgradedspecs </font>

<font color=”#283235″>

<font color=”#283235″>Ps.. Good Luck :)  

monsterjack (13) (@monsterjack) 5 years, 7 months ago ago

Enroll some online studies, start to learn about Java, or iOs programming.  You will see in one year you can learn a lot. And after hard working you can make a lots of money in IT sector. About love : you only know what are you feeling, follow your heart.

Manimal (2,998) (@manimal) 5 years, 7 months ago ago

When I was 20 I actually thought I had most things figured out. Two years later I had a rude awakening to the fact that I had no idea what the fuck I was doing with my life or even what I wanted to do. I think it’s just a big part of life that most people deal with between 15-30 or so.

I think people are right when they say some people cannot be content. There are so many things out there to strive for, and due to how society has developed, those things are hard to fit together, you can have one or two if you sacrifice all the others. It sucks.
The only way to find a way to being content, I think, is to search until you find that something that’s simply better. Although it’s not perfect, it’s adequate and worthwhile.

The relationship dilemma is a common one these days. A lot of people go through that and of course it’s not an easy decision to make.
I think the mechanics behind romantic love is mostly a selfish and limiting desire. Like how your man wants you to settle down and stay with him, even though it makes you feel hollow and lost… and you want his love even though you want to break off from him. Like you’re both more focused on receiving love than giving it, and that’s the normal mentality.

There’s a problematic recurring theme among girls, when it comes to “finding yourself”, which is not looking for the self. Most girls rush into relationships, and either settle down or run it into the ground, and then fall back on another partner, or a friend group, family, fuck buddies, etc.
Essentially, never being alone with one’s own feelings, issues and ambitions. Seeing everything from a socially distorted perspective, and becoming dependent on company.

It’s pretty clear that this is why so few women find themselves, or reach high levels of enlightenment, or create things that have a big impact on the world. Because they spend most of their lives trying to drown out the voice of the self.

On top of it all, a person who’s not used to handling her/himself, will have limited success in relationships with other people and often cause a lot of distress for their closest one(s).
If you’re not mentally and emotionally self-sufficient, you become needy around those who love you.

The Harmonious Crow (3) (@theharmoniouscrow) 5 years, 7 months ago ago

I’m 40 and I still don’t really know what I am doing. The trick is to try lots of things, see what works. Don’t feel you have to pursue just ONE thing. We have many passions in life. Try and find yours. ALL of yours. 

Also – try and figure out if you are running away or running toward new things. Change. Change is hard, but it’s also a chance to start afresh. I’ve started “fresh” many times. Don’t be hard on yourself, either. Your brain (quite literally) is not yet properly formed. It’s still working itself out. Be gentle. Go with the flow. See where things take you. 

Breathe. In. Out. Do it again. Do it 5 times. Slowly. With intent. Listen to yourself. Your mind. Just listen. Let your mind prattle on. Try and detach yourself a little bit. See where it goes. 

Take another 5 slow, deep breaths.  Do it again. Try and do it once a day, for a few days in a row. Just for 5 minutes. Then slowly make it last longer. Yes, it’s meditation… but it does help. 

It opens your mind and lets you see from the “outside” of yourself, what’s going on on the inside. It might shed some light for you. 

Be strong, but be gentle with yourself. 

Good luck.

GreatG (3) (@GreatG) 5 years, 7 months ago ago

Hey Alicia! Your situation is absolutely normal for the age of 20! Just relax and try to stay calm. Time wil show what and how.

Alicia Combs (3) (@DeadButNotYet) 5 years, 7 months ago ago

Yeah, I’ll get right on it XD lol

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