I'm a worse person at home

Sean (@Sean-Tan) 5 years, 2 months ago

Hey HE people!

I’m posing this question to anyone out there who can offer me insights into this rather peculiar situation of mine. To start with, I’m currently a recruit in the Singapore Armed Forces – Singapore’s army to be precise. Singapore’s army consists of mostly conscripts, and I especially dreaded the idea of having my life on a standstill for the next two years. Though I initially hated the clockwork routine of the army, over the past month, I realized that I am a happier person than I was at home. On the few days that we were allowed to go home, I would feel like I used to always feel before the military came into my life –  lethargic, neurotic and depressed. I’ve identified the main reason for this occurrence and would like for anyone to share any common experiences or valuable insights.  The environment of my home reinforces negative habits that drain me physically and emotionally. I have a habit of oversleeping, aimless use of my smartphone and worrying about my purpose in life at home – habits which are supplanted by the enforced discipline and rigorous training of the army.

How then, do I overcome the habitual energy that runs my life at home? Was my peace of mind in the army really due to the unrelenting discipline it enforced? What can I do to use my time wisely once the bad habits have been eliminated?

June 4, 2017 at 4:55 pm
Lou (1) (@Tailz) 5 years ago ago

Hey Sean, 

I’m sorry it took me so long to find your post. I seem to feel similar things, although the change in my life is less drastic than yours. A year and a half ago, I moved out of my parent’s homes to a different city, some three hours away by car/train. Upon coming back to their houses months later, I would feel estranged. As though the baggage I had come home with was different than that with which I left. 

I contemplated this feeling. I think I figured out why, in my case. I had had the opportunity to shape myself entirely anew, free from all former norms/ways/people and that set me free. I made some changes to certain habits and ways of thinking… And they were unbelievably set in stone when I live in my own home. I find, now, that when I return to my parent’s homes, these hard-earned and ‘newly’ established habits (like getting up early, eating healthier etc.) were utterly destroyed.
The people you surround yourself with matter – their view of you can sometimes hinder your growth, force you into regression, or the exact opposite. Returning to well known things, be it people or environments, will somehow allow your mind to shift.

I won’t say I’ve overcome the change I seem to undergo entirely, but some things have helped me. Below, you will find the list of things and a brief explanation. 

1. Becoming more aware of your change
 – Ask questions! Why, who and what inspires this change? What do I think of as desireable changes, and which aren’t? And how can I reason for this point of view? 

2. Evaluating how you feel about the situation. Do you feel okay with the change? Why/why not?
– Evaluating the situation and considering whether it is as bad as it seems can be a good thing. Perhaps you will discover that there are simply two versions of you; perhaps your will discover that you are as susceptible to change as you wish to be because there are two versions of you; perhaps, you will find that one version of you dislikes the other but not vice versa? 

3. Discovering the cause of your change. 
– For me, I figured I was afraid of changing. That it would be easier to be two different people than one whole person. It has complicated things for me, and I am working on becoming whole once more… I was afraid of changing, not from within but from without. That others would not recognise me, that some friends might disregard me, that I would lose things I thought/think were/are valuable. It has given me insight into my fearful nature and that I am liable to lie/be dishonest if the multiple versions of me are forced to match but can’t/won’t. I have yet to overcome this challenge. The cause for my change has been found, but how I will overcome is still a question I look for answers to. Meanwhile, I try to accept that this is not an easy thing and that I must have patience to proceed.

Let me know how you are dealing with things, if you so desire :) All the best on your forward path! 

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