Im in love with a heroin addict.

sunshinefiend (@sunshinefiend) 8 years, 9 months ago

Im normally very aware of my actions and choices in life. Ive struggled immensely my whole life and I’d like to think Ive learned alot from it. Without a doubt Ive had the hand of reality slap me in the face when I discovered my boyfriend, love of my life, is a heroin addict. Immediately my reaction was painful and I was hurt but nonetheless this post isnt even about that!
I had dumped him after relapsing repeatedly and neglecting every opportunity to be honest. Then I thought about when I was a drug addict. I had no one and it took going to jail three times, attempted suicides, losing everyone and everything, to change.
I found myself in the gap between my boyfriend and sobriety. I thought about all the homeless people and addicts ive spoken to in my life who are far gone and are already absorbed by the illusion of permanency. By that I mean, they never told themselves they COULD change. If someone had been in their life as a selfless yet overall good influence with love and good intentions, would their chances of sobriety be greater? I believe in the power of love and kindness.
With that said, I decided to be as attentive as possible in my boyfriends life. I no longer fill my shoes with doubt or worrying. Everyone needs atleast one person to pull them out of that hole. Alot of people ignore that cry for help in others. Dont get me wrong, there should always be a limit on how far you should reach out your hand. But, if you could be that one person standing in the gap between another person and happiness or sobriety, then please take on that responsibility with integrity.
Id love to hear other peoples success story with helping their friends and loved ones through addiction. Im always accepting advice. This trip is far from over for me but I have faith. Hard times are like bacteria, if you dont ever go through it then youll never be able to endure it. Im not saying invite problems into your life but once in a while attend to someone elses for a change. Its universally gratifying and empowering.

February 8, 2013 at 10:36 pm
Ed (40) (@orange) 8 years, 9 months ago ago

I found this post interesting! I wish you all the luck in the known and unknown universe!

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possiblehubris (72) (@possiblehubris) 8 years, 9 months ago ago

Sounds as if you have viewed this from various angles. You have experience. You have reformed. You offer hope.
His life does have an impact on your life- regardless of how altruist you are being.
No fears of relapse for you?
If no, then stick with him until he improves or you feel you are sacrificing too much.
My 2cents:)
I wish the best for you both.

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Axis (10) (@oceanis) 8 years, 9 months ago ago

I wish I could have some sort of advice or story to give on the off chance that it might encourage or enlighten you if even for a day, but I wouldn’t even know if I’ve met a heroin addict in my lifetime. With that said, it is at least eye-opening that I read about someone else’s experiences since I have none. Thank you for sharing your decision to undertake such a benevolent challenge!

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christopher (1) (@jjdesantis) 8 years, 9 months ago ago

Congratulations on finding love. That’s much more than many people ever get to experience, so consider yourself blessed. Addiction comes in all shapes and sizes…whether it be drugs or something else. Naturally, some addictions are more destructive than others, and heroin is a tough one to conquer. Being an admitted former addict yourself, it sounds like he is with someone who can really help him concur his demons, if that’s what he wants to do, so he is blessed as well. Among the things that make us all so unique and beautiful are our faults. I have found that a big part of being in love with another person is learning about their faults, figuring out how to deal with them, and moving forward together throughout life, faults and all. Sounds like you may have a rough road ahead, but embrace it, learn from it, and don’t give up on love.

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U_Name_It (2) (@tennessee1) 8 years, 1 month ago ago

I know this is an older post but i just joined and happened on this story, and wanted to share some thoughts. I admire you for sticking with your boyfriend and your right for doing it. I myself am a strugling addict and luckily i have an amazing wife who is sticking by me and helping me get threw my bad days and good days. Being where your boyfriend is i know that no matter how much you love him and he loves you love isn’t strong enough to beat addiction. He has to want to quit and then there is hope but nobody but him can beat his addiction because he’s the one who decides to use or not. You can’t love him enough to change the choice he makes. It’s sad and not what we want the truth to be but thats the reality of having an addiction. It ends with the person it starts with one way or another.

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Ellie (1,363)M (@tangledupinplaid21) 8 years, 1 month ago ago

@tennessee1, same here. I was lucky enough to find someone that stuck with me through it and would actually be real and confront me about it and it makes all the difference in the world. Best of luck!

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Josh (213) (@reinvented2012) 8 years, 1 month ago ago

@sunshinefiend, I just have to say what I think is an obvious answer but maybe affirming to you. Continue to live your life with love, compassion and kindness. Help others every chance you get, but DO NOT sacrifice your own well being. If you were to get dragged back in WE would lose 2 lives, yours and his. Not to say one life if worth anymore than the next, but what I’m saying follows the same rule of “two wrongs don’t make a right”. Best of luck of life’s journey and I hope you’re able to get him drug free.

PEACE. LOVE. GOOD VIBES

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Ray Butler (1,423)M (@trek79) 8 years, 1 month ago ago

@sunshinefiend, You say it took you to lose everything and no one was there for you in your habit, yet you are rationalising to be there for him? That doesn’t make sense, how could he snap out of it if he doesn’t lose everything? And guess what, you are something, so if he still has you then he hasn’t lost everything.

It seems like a double standard to me, by being there for him you are basically enabling him because you staying is not a consequence, there is no rock bottom. If someone was there for you do you think you would have quit? I don’t think so, I think you quit because no one was there for you.

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Ellie (1,363)M (@tangledupinplaid21) 8 years, 1 month ago ago

@trek79, I think that may be true in a lot of cases, but not all. My progress in beating addiction improved exponentially when I had someone who was there for me unconditionally. A few times it got pretty bad and he would get mad at me or threaten to leave out of sheer desperation, and that only made it worse. It only made me want to dig deeper into my opposite position out of defiance and hopelessness. Once he decided and made clear that he would love and accept me no matter what choices I made, it made the consequences of my actions a lot more apparent. I saw the pain I was causing him instead of his anger that I wanted to react to. It was my choice and mine alone instead of one I made out of fear of his reaction.

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khandero (532) (@khandero) 8 years, 1 month ago ago

@sunshinefiend, I encourage you to read “in the realm of hungry ghosts” by gabor mate if you ever get the chance

I’ve met some heroin/drug addicts and I’ve learned that a lot of drug addicts have no choice but to fall into addictions because of their brain development and because of their environment, and it became so obvious and horrifying to me when i got to know these addicts..the truth is there are a lot more addictions in today’s world than meets the eye and that book has really helped me understand addiction more clearly

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LVX (297) (@Vovinawol) 8 years, 1 month ago ago

Beware the bearer of false bilss. Or don’t.

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sunshinefiend (5) (@sunshinefiend) 8 years, 1 month ago ago

@possiblehubris, Im very grounded in my life and relapsing is not an option nor a fear. Thank you so much :)

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sunshinefiend (5) (@sunshinefiend) 8 years, 1 month ago ago

@jjdesantis, Youre absolutely right. Embracing your lovers flaws or mistakes is tough and takes time but when you empathize with that person, it makes it that much easier. Thankyou for your honesty

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sunshinefiend (5) (@sunshinefiend) 8 years, 1 month ago ago

@tennessee1, Youre absolutely right and luckily i learned from my own addiction that love changes nothing but it can encourage someone. I can only be a living, breathing and active witness of conquering addiction. By addiction I also mean lying which is a huge addiction in itself that drugs instill in people. Good luck on your journey. I hope you find life outside of drugs and truly surrender.

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sunshinefiend (5) (@sunshinefiend) 8 years, 1 month ago ago

@tangledupinplaid21, good for you man! You cant fight alone

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sunshinefiend (5) (@sunshinefiend) 8 years, 1 month ago ago

@reinvented2012, Needless to say, my well being is still in tact. Im going on 6 years sober and my will power will never budge. Thankyou, we all need to hear the reality of love and servanthood.

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sunshinefiend (5) (@sunshinefiend) 8 years, 1 month ago ago

@trek79, Im definitely not enabling him. I see through him because I was a former addict. I catch him in his lies, I sense when hes fiend out and I know how to soothe his soul from powers of addiction. All because I was a former addict. I didnt quit because I had no one. I quit because I already saw death and what my life would be like. I watched it destroy my life and my family. Im helping him because no one helped me when I truly needed it. And yes I do believe I wouldnt of taken me 4+ years to quit if I had support.

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sunshinefiend (5) (@sunshinefiend) 8 years, 1 month ago ago

@khandero, Thankyou! Ill check it out

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Ray Butler (1,423)M (@trek79) 8 years, 1 month ago ago

@sunshinefiend, You are in a better position to judge than I am, I have no experience like that, well I was a speed addict but it is a very different situation. I wish you both well, never stop growing, even if you overcome this, climb higher.

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sunshinefiend (5) (@sunshinefiend) 8 years, 1 month ago ago

@trek79, Good for you man, Ive lost friends to drugs. Especially meth so seriously, good for you. With honesty comes love, so thank you.

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