I'm in trouble…

 Anonymous (@)7 years, 9 months ago

Not really.

I’m just struggling with some things.
I reached out anonymously to someone special after seeing them around town.
She was very grateful for my kind words, and we developed a very open and honest dialog over the past couple months.
Mind you, this has been completely platonic.
She sent me on a pretty deep 2-week scavenger hunt all over town. This was so far out of the norm for me, and required me to really break down some huge barriers in my life.
In the end, we finally met.
It was beautiful, and painful, and uncomfortable, and real.
We sat and talked for 2-hours.
I explained to her that I’m married, and have a family.
I wanted to be honest, as our relationship has always been, and I didn’t want to lead her on in any way.
We shared a long, beautifully perfect hug, and went our separate ways.
Since then, she has been distant, short, and despondent, and it’s breaking my heart.
I’m afraid of being pushy, but I’m also afraid to let this go.
It’s truly the most real feeling I’ve ever felt.
If we could continue the way things were, I’d be completely happy, but I can’t tell what she’s feeling.
ugh.
-m

December 16, 2013 at 1:29 pm
Anonymous (107) (@) 7 years, 9 months ago ago

You could do spontaneous, vulnerable things like that with your wife. Maybe this woman has taught you how love should be. @marcus

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inna (95) (@paintedbeings) 7 years, 9 months ago ago

yeah, like anjelica said. Also, its probably a good idea to give anyone of opposite sex a subtle heads up about your status the earlier the better.

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eextreme (31) (@eextreme) 7 years, 9 months ago ago

Well, how long has she been distant, short, and despondent, and how did you tell she was feeling that way. Here are some factors to consider to make a guess at what she is feeling, her:

1. Age, martial status
2. Career
3. Daily activities
4. Other friends
5. Personal history

If I was her, and just met someone that would be a great person to spend a lot of time with or live with, and then found out that he already has a family, it would be a bit depressing. From there onward, I would try to distance myself him for bit, because I just got too close and then far away (metaphorically) really fast.

At that point, I wouldn’t know what to do next, with the choice of moving on, or clinging on with certainty that it would not go beyond a “friend” relationship. Either choice is painful, so I would keep a distant and short approach to that person for sometime.

That is what I think she is going through, and I wouldn’t know what to do in that situation either. The only thing you could hope for is that she would be able to find someone just like you but without a family or suggest someone like that to her.

Until then, you’ll have to let the wounds heal over time.

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Corina (0) (@DDSG) 7 years, 9 months ago ago

I know exactly how you’re feeling. I am happily married with a wonderful man, but before I met him I was in love with someone else I’ve never seen before in person. The thing is, I am still in love with that man after so many years and we still talk every day via email. We know it will never be more than that between us, but because we feel something very special for each other, we choose to be in contact and we plan to actually meet one day. It’s a long story actually, but the thing is, we know where we stand and how things are and will be always, meaning we will live separate lives but we will always share a beautiful thing. We both agree on that. Maybe your girl doesn’t see the things that way and she wants more from you…the question is….what do YOU want from her?…..Life’s strange isn’t it?…..

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