I'm not an artist, I'm not a poet and I'm not an author.

 Nicole (@nicccolllee)7 years, 8 months ago

Not looking for answers, just want to share some thoughts.

Sometimes people “zone out” you find yourself sitting at school or at work bored out of your fucking mind and it begins to wander and you then realize, as your eyes begin to refocus and everything goes from blurry to “clear” again, that you’ve been gone for 2 minutes. Today, while standing in line at Walmart I did the opposite, I zoned in, I became completely self aware of everything around me and the only way I can really describe it was a kind of odd feeling. I looked up and all around me at the people going on with their average lives looking somewhat flustered and tired. I felt as though I could read everyone around me but questioned if I was actually reading them or if it was just all in my head. Maybe I was just imagining that I could read them. I am nothing special. I am an average 20 year old girl with a basic life trying to find my place in this world. I go to school, I have a job and just like everyone else, I’ve dealt with tragedy. Tragedy is something that is fairly new for me and for awhile it made me feel like I had an excuse to be miserable all the time and gave me a reason to feel sorry for myself. One day I realized that everyone has their own type of sadness that they’re addicted to and it very much is an addiction that is hard to break. I’m not an artist, an author or a poet. Although sometimes I pretend to be. I wish I could go on being content with life, having a hobby and being good at it. In my little moment of self awareness today I realized that everything feels very out of place and I need to figure out how to put it back where it needs to be. Or maybe it doesn’t need to be in place but it should at least feel okay again. Maybe I don’t have a place in this world, I’m not content with being stuck with a career, in a place or even with a lover.
A very lost soul.

January 10, 2014 at 10:06 pm
josephm (772) (@josephm) 7 years, 8 months ago ago

i’m terrible at every hobby i have

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Kelly Rios (1) (@Isabelrah) 7 years, 8 months ago ago

I felt the same way very often, but I met someone who thought like me (she became my best friend) and recently she shared this site with me. I finally opened my eyes. There is an article about fining you bliss which I loved because it describes me so well. I’m just like you, a normal 20 year old girl who is tired of “zoning out” and ready for the hustle. Becoming what you really need to be won’t be easy but it will be the start of your new wonderful life. I’m already staring my journey and I wish you the best!

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Anonymous (107) (@) 7 years, 8 months ago ago

I feel very similar. I see imbalances like zoning out as a strength that needs to be applied somewhere desirable. Zoning out is a part of what happens when you focus, but we’re addicted to the default focus. I think that being good at something isn’t the goal though, bc one can always be better. The goal is to be in charge of your mind enough to immerse yourself
in things that liberate you from boredom and neediness. At least for me. I think that intention makes achievement inevitable.

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Anonymous (107) (@) 7 years, 8 months ago ago

I think the type of honesty your speaking with and being accepting of what you find when looking inward is key to owning your life

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Anonymous (175) (@) 7 years, 8 months ago ago

huh? A hobby is something one enjoys. being “good” at it is immaterial.

I play football from time to time, but I’ll never be a Messi or Ronaldo. I don’t give a shit, nor need to, as I am me lol..

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505 (6) (@Dislexic) 7 years, 8 months ago ago

people usually enjoy stuff they are good at, so its not immaterial. Well at least you know why you’ll never be at the same level as Ronaldo and Messi, because you don’t give a shit. They gave a shit and turned there hobby into there profession. If you aspire to be as good as or better then Ronaldo or Messi, it doesn’t take anything away from you, you are still you even if you’re amazing at football haha your logic is flawed, maybe if you find something you give a shit about and you’re good at then you’ll understand.

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Graschi (62) (@graschi) 7 years, 8 months ago ago

It’s not that easy, though. There is a big difference between enjoying something as a hobby and enjoying something as a profession. Like, you enjoy doing something from time to other, but it would drive you insane if you had to do it all the time.

Beside that, there is something called talent. And yeah I know that talent isn’t all, but it says much. And regarding soccer/football, your chances of becoming pro is very low, if you don’t start before your teen-years. After that the odds is against you; no matter how much you enjoy it.

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505 (6) (@Dislexic) 7 years, 8 months ago ago

You’re not alone or lost, these thoughts are natural. You’re searching, some people are a bit more thorough in their search then others are.

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HenricusHalkins (0) (@Castle) 7 years, 8 months ago ago

I think everyone feels lost in one way or the other. Its totally fine being lost unless you start worrying, ofcourse. And yes i would same-pinch you on the ‘pretend to be’ an author, a poet or an artist :)

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Anonymous (328) (@) 7 years, 8 months ago ago

“I zoned in, I became completely self aware of everything around me and the only way I can really describe it was a kind of odd feeling. I looked up and all around me at the people going on with their average lives looking somewhat flustered and tired. I felt as though I could read everyone around me but questioned if I was actually reading them or if it was just all in my head.”

:] It is hard. I often ask myself: Do we delude ourselves because of our own personal bad traits, or maybe we resort to it as a defense mechanism?

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Stephen Robinson (39) (@rotoenforco) 7 years, 8 months ago ago

Very interesting. I am curious as to your thoughts on the society around you. Do you fear holding the same legacy as the rest of Americans? Just being the guy that lived, worked the 9 to 5 then died? That’s how I feel relation with this post. You explain how you examined everyone around you and felt the need to question yourself. With your self questioning you began to explain how you feel out of place. I always feel out of place. I fear the idea of being the common guy with nothing to show for his life other than a piece of time. Though on that same token, I struggle with the route I want to take for progression. I am a bit lost. I work full time at a restaurant and i’m doing schooling full time. I feel like i’m entering the a world that I won’t be able to escape from. A world in which you work so often, and you work so hard that you simply get lost within your life and repeat cycles of dead ends until you die. Never taking the time to step back, say “Fuck this, I want to be myself and flourish.”. That takes you back to square one though. What route to take.

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Jason (68) (@jasonmctw) 7 years, 8 months ago ago

I see this as very insightful. Im one who zones in and out, I like to say it get easier as you get older but you can learn to enjoy it more. :)
We do live within our own sadness. everyone has their own reasons to feel the way they do. As Van Goth said if the voice is nice you says you cant paint, by all means paint and the voice will be silenced.

Peace and love

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KoMaCarpe (92) (@KoMaCarpe) 7 years, 8 months ago ago

I too zone out a lot but since I’ve become aware of it I try to snap myself out if it and pay better attention to the immediate moment. It’s as if the voice inside my head is louder than the outside world and the “real” experiences keeps getting drowned.
But being totally present is very much being able to accept whatever we feel; boredom, anger, frustration, hatred, exitement, joy etc.
The “negative” emotions we feel trigger our internal voice to make us detached from what doesnt feel good. We dont want to feel it and we come up with a strategy to push it away, rather than accepting the feeling for what it is and staying present with it.

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JonH (1,139)C (@IJesusChrist) 7 years, 8 months ago ago

24/7

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frustratedteenager (7) (@frustratedteenager) 7 years, 8 months ago ago

Smoke some weed it’ll help you zone out…

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Jimmy (9) (@VastOneAlive) 7 years, 8 months ago ago

I just finished reading a book that helped open my eyes to what makes people truly happy and content and how we, (Americans and many other developing societies), are so far from it and sadly getting farther. I’m happy I found it, I’ve changed many things about myself since. 5 days after finishing the book I already feel happier, less anxious and overall good. Ordered it off amazon cause I couldn’t find it in a bookstore. Check it out.

American Mania: When More Is Not Enough – Peter Whybrow

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MonkeyZazu (1,865)M (@monkeyzazu) 7 years, 8 months ago ago

Acknowledgement of emotions felt, then expressing them in words. Regardless of what you said, you seem like a poet to me.

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Mike Wuest (510) (@mikeyw829) 7 years, 8 months ago ago

Maybe you just need to get comfortable with everything being “out of place,” as you put it.

Nobody really knows what the fuck they’re doing, they just pretend to. They play make-believe so they can feel safe in their roles and bubbles of reality.

Other than getting comfortable with uncertainty, just do things that make you feel alive. I’m not an “artist” either. I don’t paint or draw or prance around. I don’t even pretend to like any of that stuff anymore. But that doesn’t mean you can’t express yourself creatively in other ways that don’t really look “artsy”. The way you express yourself, I’ve learned for myself, is to just do what feels the best as often as you can. To me, that’s working out, breaking a sweat, going on walks, pushing my comfort zone (that’s a big one), helping people out etc.

Don’t rely on your logic so much, rely more on feelings and desire.

You just have to gain some momentum. You’ll get there. And then you’ll lose it. And then you’ll get there for a longer period of time, etc.

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Mike Wuest (510) (@mikeyw829) 7 years, 8 months ago ago

And also another question to ask yourself: Do you want to be an author, poet, or artist? Or do you just think you have to be in order to be “creative”?

If you want it, go for it. If you enjoy those things, do it. If you just think you’re supposed to do that and it’s an effortful struggle, drop it.

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Anonymous (30) (@) 7 years, 8 months ago ago

You had a taste of real life… You & Everybody else really needs to read this book. (TruthContest.Com) As you became aware of your thoughts, you shifted your focus from your thoughts to reality, to the present moment. Life is perfect it is our minds that pollute it with opinions, beliefs, expectations, worries. This will help you like it has helped me & other people.

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