I'm shallow and judgemental.

 actuallygiveashit (@actuallygiveashit) 7 years, 9 months ago

First of all, I don’t want to read things like “you have low self steem” or “that’s a defence mechanism” because I already know that. I’m aware that this is very negative, so I just want some advice of how can I change what I don’t like of myself. And by the way, sorry if my english is weird. I’m hispanic :)
The problem is that I discard people when I hear that they say anything I would consider stupid (and I must say that my standars are excesive), I don’t get to know a lot of people because of that, and yes, I know I do this so they don’t even have the chance to reject me. Also I’m starting to realize that I am not only judgemental, but I’m also shallow, let me explain myself: I’m dating an awesome guy, and well… he is a big-sized guy and I told him that he has all my suppport to start working out because I care about his health (which is true, like I said he is awesome), but I know it is also because I like muscles. I feel like shit because I’m not exactly a beautiful person and he really loves me as I am. Please don’t be too hard on me, I know I act like a bitch but I just don’t know where to begin.

January 24, 2014 at 10:12 pm
TheSkaFish (962)M (@theskafish) 7 years, 9 months ago ago

I was pondering this stuff tonight myself. Trying to strip away all the layers that have built up over the years to get to the core, to my true self. Once I am there, I reason that I’d see only my true wants. And I’d be able to contrast that with anything that I don’t want, yet do anyway in my day to day life. I can then ask myself why.

So, if you recognize these things about yourself, and you feel they are bad and don’t want them to continue, why do you continue doing them? If you truly don’t like them, why do what you don’t want to do, ever?

It sounds like you are glad with your guy, and you say he is awesome. I see no problem there. Encouraging him to work out is a good thing, it would be good for anyone. It keeps a person young and more vital. Like you said, you care about his health. And there is nothing wrong with liking muscles. There is a difference between liking muscles, and in hating and looking down on anyone who does not have muscles. Maybe the two of you can work out together? You can motivate each other and make it another area that you two can bond over.

If you really want to change, do the opposite of what you are doing. Don’t judge people as much, or at least think before you judge. Give them 5 or 10 minutes of judgment-free zone. I went through a time of this myself….I judged people for things like music tastes, interests, car tastes, etc…then I realized I was wasting my thoughts and time and not being true to myself – my true nature is happy and friendly, not hateful or someone who puts people down. Judging people harshly, while it can be instantly gratifying in the moment, in the long term its just like you said – you are only limiting your own choices in who you get to know.

[Hidden]

Sorry for replying so late, but I want to thank you for your time reading my problems and trying to help :) I think I will try your idea of “5-10 min of judgement-free zone”, it may be babysteps but I think it’s the only way to work something out.

[Hidden]
TheSkaFish (962)M (@theskafish) 7 years, 9 months ago ago

I was pondering this stuff tonight myself. Trying to strip away all the layers that have built up over the years to get to the core, to my true self. Once I am there, I reason that I’d see only my true wants. And I’d be able to contrast that with anything that I don’t want, yet do anyway in my day to day life. I can then ask myself why.

So, if you recognize these things about yourself, and you feel they are bad and don’t want them to continue, why do you continue doing them? If you truly don’t like them, why do what you don’t want to do, ever?

It sounds like you are glad with your guy, and you say he is awesome. I see no problem there. Encouraging him to work out is a good thing, it would be good for anyone. It keeps a person young and more vital. Like you said, you care about his health. And there is nothing wrong with liking muscles. There is a difference between liking muscles, and in hating and looking down on anyone who does not have muscles. Maybe the two of you can work out together? You can motivate each other and make it another area that you two can bond over.

If you really want to change, do the opposite of what you are doing. Don’t judge people as much, or at least think before you judge. Give them 5 or 10 minutes of judgment-free zone. I went through a time of this myself….I judged people for things like music tastes, interests, car tastes, etc…then I realized I was wasting my thoughts and time and not being true to myself – my true nature is happy and friendly, not hateful or someone who puts people down. Judging people harshly, while it can be instantly gratifying in the moment, in the long term its just like you said – you are only limiting your own choices in who you get to know.

[Hidden]
Emma (193) (@emmaclaire) 7 years, 9 months ago ago

Something that helped me is realizing that we are all intrinsically connected. You can’t be you without the food you eat, the places you go, the things that you do, the books you read that are all products other people and the earth have made. You are absolutely reliant on other people, and they rely on you. You are also very, very small. Just a tiny speck. But at the very same time, you are extremely important. You are not inferior or superior to other people, you just are. You will lead a happier life if you realize your place in this world: you are small and also very big. This is beautiful. Realize your tiny little place in the grand scheme of things to be able to go with the flow and realize the existence of something bigger. Then you will realize how big you really are. And, as a result, maybe you will start to treat people better. After all, they are you :)

[Hidden]

I know it’s been a long time (sometimes it’s hard for me to access the Internet) but I had to reply this… I think you have a real point and I thank you for your time, you just gave me something to think about :)

[Hidden]
Emma (193) (@emmaclaire) 6 years, 5 months ago ago

I know it’s been a long time since you said thank you, but you’re welcome! :)

[Hidden]
Anonymous (175) (@) 7 years, 9 months ago ago

It’s normal.

IMO, people only say this to be PC.

[Hidden]
Anonymous (175) (@) 7 years, 9 months ago ago

That said, I’m generally a non-judgmental person. I accept all for who and what they are.

[Hidden]
Ellie (1,363)M (@tangledupinplaid21) 7 years, 9 months ago ago

@actuallygiveashit, I think we all have thoughts like this. But being aware that we have thoughts like this gives us a choice of whether to let them govern our behavior. You can simply be aware of the thought, “that person is stupid” for example, and let it pass through your mind, without grabbing a hold of it. Try next time to see a thought like this simply as a potential view point and not the one and only option of how to think. Think about how many thoughts pass through your mind each day, they can’t all be true.
If you are aware also of the fact that judging others is a reflection of your own sense of self worth, perhaps next time you notice yourself labeling or judging another you can remember this and turn your awareness in on yourself instead of others.

Also judging yourself about this stuff you’ve noticed only perpetuates the cycle of judgment and resentment. Instead of calling yourself a bitch in response to noticing a rude thought you had about someone, remember that you have a choice to only view it as a thought with no power over you.

[Hidden]
Lennaard (3) (@Lennaard) 7 years, 9 months ago ago

Knowing it is the first step to do something about it.

[Hidden]
load more