Is change ever possible?

Hitomi (@kidvisions) 10 years, 1 month ago

If you have been repeating the same mistakes over and over again, if you realized certain things need to be changed in you because they are making you lead a complicated life, if you tried to change but failed over and over again, what would you do? Would you change? Won’t you give up and just accept the fact that “nobody changes” like Dr. House would say?

March 30, 2012 at 11:59 am
Martijn Schirp (112,780)A (@martijn) 10 years, 1 month ago ago

If you repeat mistakes than clearly you haven’t understood that they were mistakes. Because that’s like putting your hand in a fire, again and again.

Of course change is hard, so discipline/training is needed to get stronger to stick with your goals/intentions. Because if you don’t, you are denying your freedom, which in my opinion, is the most essential thing we have as humans.

[Hidden]
Flynnstone (813) (@flynnstone) 10 years, 1 month ago ago

We can change, it’s just a matter of desire and willpower.
Desire for a new lifestyle, willpower to follow through with it even when tempted by old habits.

[Hidden]
Hitomi (67) (@kidvisions) 10 years, 1 month ago ago

@martijn, Allright, if you know that what you did was a mistake but you kept doing it, how could this be due to the fact that you didn’t know it was a mistake?
@flynnstone, Yes, but where to find will power? How does it work?

[Hidden]
Mike Wuest (510) (@mikeyw829) 10 years, 1 month ago ago

True external change only comes about through internal change. Breaking a habit is an example of this.

[Hidden]
Zach (63) (@v1kingfan) 10 years, 1 month ago ago

I used to go through this issue because i was in really bad denial of my sexuality. Even when it clicked in my head and i knew for a fact i was gay i was still denying it. This denial lead me to a lot of psychological issues and these consequences lead me to finally change. You can change if you REALLY want to, change is hard but you can do it and grow from it.

[Hidden]
Flynnstone (813) (@flynnstone) 10 years, 1 month ago ago

@kidvisions, I wish I could give you a step-by-step process, but really it’s about finding that motivation inside yourself and using it to drive you. It’s finding that which you won’t compromise your goals for.
For example, you want to run faster, but you really want to play video games all day. Willpower may come from many affirmations you get from people saying you run fast, you look more fit, winning races, etc. Many times it’s not one thing, but it produces a better feeling than the alternative or you care enough about it to run instead of sitting on your couch.

[Hidden]
Hitomi (67) (@kidvisions) 10 years, 1 month ago ago

@sharks, Many speak of change as a “process”, that you go through until you reach the desired result, but how can one make sure that the “process” is not interrupted? That it will not be stopped by external factors?
@v1kingfan, But wanting is not enough isn’t it?

[Hidden]
[Hidden]
Eric (1,819)M (@blankey) 10 years, 1 month ago ago

People change, it’s rare for some, but people change. This can only happen when something happens internally, perhaps a deep depression or anything that makes you reflect on your life.
Thoughts manifest into your reality, trying and trying to change with a negative attitude does nothing but dig your hole deeper. Change for the better from within first, then the world around you will too.

[Hidden]
Marina Lopes (0) (@marinaelysse) 10 years, 1 month ago ago

I think the only constant in life is change. If you are repeating your mistakes, only your situation has changed, your mindset has not. Your mind is very powerful, change it and everything around you changes as well :)

[Hidden]
Angel (5) (@angellopez) 10 years, 1 month ago ago

it’s up to you to decide where you wanna go…
once you find that, you can proceed on your journey/process!

when you find out what you really want, that’s when IT all starts!

Good luck ;)

[Hidden]
Kevin (536) (@placid) 10 years, 1 month ago ago

If you keep on trying and failing each time that alone is setting a pattern and creating a habit of failing. Don’t do that. Either change with a completely serious mentality about it and make it happen or don’t.

[Hidden]
Matt (26) (@greenthinker) 10 years, 1 month ago ago

I don’t think failing at your attempt to change is any reason to think change isn’t possible. You are aware of your temporary short-comings and you have identified them as such. Welcome to step one of changing.

Dont short change your accomplishments.

Think of a baby and how everyone goes crazy when the baby begins to walk. No one says the baby is an idiot because it keeps falling down, or that it will never get it. Everyone praises that baby every moment. We need to start doing this for ourselves.

Its easy to get frustrated. I do it all the time. One of my problems is I stay up on the Internet too late when I have nothing to do the next day. This then forces me to sleep in, and then I feel like I wasted the whole next day. I have acknowledged this, and have set myself a curfew lol. I don’t always stick to it, but when I do this small feeling of accomplishments fuels my will power to do it again next time.

I hope this helps.

[Hidden]
Sean Dominguez (2) (@dominoz) 10 years, 1 month ago ago

@kidvisions I feel like I know exactly where this question is coming from because I’ve tried to change myself for the longest time and it hasn’t been until recently that I feel like I’ve made long term reinforcements. As I woke up every day, I would think “how can I possibly believe that today is any more extraordinary than yesterday? How can I be naive enough to believe that any inspiration I might run into today or any time soon can be more intense than previous bouts of intense inspiration that ultimately failed to change me?”

I think the first notion to get rid of is the idea of ‘will-power’ – at least for now. If you glorify the idea of will-power and are on a constant quest to attain it, any instance in which you don’t exhibit will power will make you feel as if you’re exhibiting weakness, which can only make you feel more hopeless about the habit you’re trying to change, which only reinforces the idea that getting where you want to be will be a near impossible battle. The more impossible the battle looks like in your head, the more will-power it seems is required to win it, which is very, very daunting. I’m not sure if that makes sense as I write it out. Sometimes, human emotions are so complicated that words make them look silly.

To make this more personal, I’m a pretty compulsive eater. For me, when I’m worried about life, it is damn near impossible to stop me from eating, oh I don’t know, a whole bag of Honey Bunches of Oats for no reason. For someone else who doesn’t have a strange urge to satisfy worry with compulsiveness, this is not an issue one bit. Is it because this person has more will power than me? Of course not. This person has nothing to overcome in that regard. In the same way, when I’m feeling a little too drunk, I simply stop drinking. Imagine me telling an alcoholic, “I don’t understand… why can’t you stop drinking…? Why do you want to make yourself look so foolish?”

In the end, and just so I can cut down this response, I believe that the inability to break bad habits is the result of limiting paradigms. It really is the way you look at things. I’m sure there are specific ways you perceive your habits that make them appear to be so daunting that they’re damn near impossible to face – which has lead to repeated, unsuccessful attempts to tame them.

Or maybe I’m just full of shit and I’ve missed the point completely…?

[Hidden]
Hitomi (67) (@kidvisions) 10 years, 1 month ago ago

Thank you all! I think that change is possible when it comes to breaking a habit or gaining one, but how about change in a certain aspect of one’s personality?
Let’s say someone has a tendency to become depressed or possessive or manipulative and they’ve seen that this was only making their life terrible, they didn’t want it to happen anymore, and tried changing it only to do it again once, unexpectedly when they are in a situation that they find themselves confused about?
@dominoz, I think a lot of what you are saying makes sense, but I don’t know, I think it’s better not to try to change, than do it and fall and get even more depressed than before trying to change, maybe the best way is to learn to deal with those things that make life hard on us, perhaps, try to control them, but changing them is quiet impossible.

[Hidden]
Hitomi (67) (@kidvisions) 10 years, 1 month ago ago

@trek79, Heraclitus was true about that, and I do not deny that change is happening all the time, but the problem is with the very notion of “change from within” which I find very difficult to graspe, because unlearning or learning things is not something which we control totally.

[Hidden]
Sean Dominguez (2) (@dominoz) 10 years, 1 month ago ago

@kidvisions, I don’t know. For me, as someone who doesn’t believe in the afterlife, I feel it would be such a shame for me to waste all of the time I have here pondering dreams unrealized and constantly having to deal with the dissatisfaction of my bad habits in action – most of which I developed arbitrarily when I think about it. Some of my bad habits: I browse Tumblr aimlessly for extended amounts of time, I’m often 5-10 minutes late for events (even ones where it is mandatory to arrive on time), and I have the worst sleeping habits (hello? it’s 4:30am PST!). Do I really want to just say, “well, it is in my nature” and then pass off the same mentality to my kids some day – this idea that people just have to deal with, for the rest of their lives, the bad habits they cultivated in the first 1/5 of their existence? No way.

Do I feel overwhelmed and helpless? Sometimes, definitely. But I just have some sort of egocentric belief that I can do anything within reason like, you know, actually arrive on time and not eat when I’m not hungry and not scrolling past status updates written by people I don’t really care about.

In terms of unlearning or learning things, I don’t think that’s really the question here when it comes to bad habits (just my opinion). It really is how you deal with it. A lot of people go through those existential crises when they realize the absurdity and purposelessness of life. But after a while, you kind of get over it and do what you can to have fun while you can. In this case, nothing is unlearned – the elixir is all in the perception. The elixir is always in the perception.

[Hidden]
Sean Dominguez (2) (@dominoz) 10 years, 1 month ago ago

Do you have any specific examples for yourself or is this just a question in general?

[Hidden]
Filip (2,818)M (@filipek) 10 years, 1 month ago ago

@kidvisions, sometimes I am wondering myself the same questions. But remember that change does not always come so drastically as you would want or expect it to come. Sometimes we change in the way we want to, but we only see it after a couple of weeks/months/years that we have actually changed. It takes time, and it does not come instantly.

And you make the same mistakes over and over again because we are, in general, reluctant to change and prefer to stay in our comfort zone, even when those mistakes are bad or destructive and even when we think we do not want to make those mistakes, but in fact we do.

[Hidden]
Hitomi (67) (@kidvisions) 10 years, 1 month ago ago

@dominoz, I like this “the elixir is all in the perception. The elixir is always in the perception.” :) and thank you for the post! I think you’re right about a lot of things here! :)
@filipek, That son of a **** “comfort zone”!!

[Hidden]
rebecca (92) (@beckable8p) 10 years, 1 month ago ago

If change isn’t possible, then when you look back to where you’ve been, everything would be the same. You wouldn’t have grown or made mistakes or even lived at all. I think all you really can do is try to change for the better so that when you do look back, you don’t miss who you were, but love who you’ve become.

[Hidden]
Anonymous (13) (@) 10 years, 1 month ago ago

Change is all around is everyday. If your expecting change and don’t ever see a difference then be patient cause nothing ever stays the same. Sometimes we just need to change our perpective to see the change we never saw before.

[Hidden]
Ray Butler (1,423)M (@trek79) 10 years, 1 month ago ago

As a writer I have to change all the time, nice guy to ass-hole to funny guy to insightful to sinister. One cannot write about death and destruction if their mindset is butterflies and rainbows. Nessecity is the mother of invention, and chance is the father, but you adapt if and when you have to. I like the quote of John Cleese, his character from “The day the Earth stood still” (remake, Keanu Reeves) “It is at the precipice that we evolve” there is much more to what he is saying but the statement stands on its own and can be in reference to science and nature or matters of the internal human being. You find that most things are, Heraclitus and philosophies are observations of nature and human beings are natural. Look at Karma, a philosophical concept about the affect the internal human has on the universe, then in relativity “every action has an equal and opposite reaction”.

[Hidden]
Hitomi (67) (@kidvisions) 10 years, 1 month ago ago

@trek79, Change is undoubtedly evident! We can’t stop it, we can’t control it and it is happening indeed, but I am talking about provoking it, are we really capable of changing things in us? Let’s take the example of someone who is very lazy? Is it really possible to stop being so??

[Hidden]
Anonymous (2,654) (@) 10 years, 1 month ago ago

What Doctor House and I would say about this is that no change in human beings will ever occur that haven’t occurred before. If by change you mean you’re gonna be like a transformer and turn into a big giant robot, I’m in.

The only change you can clearly see is getting uglier and older if you’re not healthy. :D

And… getting old is mandatory. Growing up is a choice.

Changing your physical appearance and expressions? Good. Take acting classes and learn how to lie better. Or watch some shit on TV.

You are not changing, because you are engaged with different things daily, which include to put labels on them, like – being selfish because you think that you deserve something better than someone else and … this is bullshit. I’m going back to music.
Have the power to restrain all your desires and natural instincts.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Z7DiKQDuls
Peace and love. And stuff.

[Hidden]
Viewing 24 reply threads
load more