Is love reciprocal?

 ces’t la vie (@citygirl9050) 7 years, 10 months ago

Do you guys believe that if you like/love someone they will like/love you back eventually? If you persue them, maybe?

December 4, 2013 at 1:16 pm
josephm (772) (@josephm) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

at least try, just eliminate all expectation and live in the momentum

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Frosty (45) (@iflipvans) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

If you love someone, you show love to them, be it guy or girl, they will eventually show love back.

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Ellie (1,363)M (@tangledupinplaid21) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

@citygirl9050, not really. I’ve definitely liked someone for a good while and nothing ever happened.

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ces’t la vie (197) (@citygirl9050) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

@tangledupinplaid21, yeah but did you pursue them? did they know you liked them?

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Ellie (1,363)M (@tangledupinplaid21) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

@citygirl9050, yes and yes, we even kissed one time which made me fall harder.. but any time I tried to hang out after(many times) it just didn’t happen. It took me some months to get over it and my heart still beats a little faster when I see or think of him, but I’ve accepted that it wasn’t meant to happen.

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J (1) (@DeafLife) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

@citygirl9050,
No, but never be afraid to go for it. You just gotta put yourself out there till you find that one where the feeling is mutual. I’m not saying you can’t change someone or get them to love you, but is it worth it?

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J (1) (@DeafLife) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

@tangledupinplaid21,

Wow, I just had the same thing happen to me. Though I am boy so I was hung up on this girl. We saw each other on off for a few weeks, I would say it was getting pretty serious. Nothing really changed after that time except everytime I hit her up she was busy. After 3-4 times I felt it was more than her schedule and she must not want to see me. What really ate at me though was why? What did I do wrong? Why didn’t she love me back? For about two months I was feeling pretty shitty about this but then I found an answer I never saw before.
Over Thanksgiving break I saw my brother who is 24 and lives in an apartment in the city. I am currently still at college I failed to mention. He talked to me about this girl he had been seeing. Everything was perfect he said, they were going on dates making plans etc. But what he said was she just got too serious too quick and he didn’t know what to say. She was a really nice girl so he answered her texts but he just kind of blew her off. At first I was like wow what an asshole, he should have told her to her face.
Then it hit me. This whole time I had felt supremely justified in my actions and that she was in the wrong. But in hindsight I got a little too serious too quick and was overeager. I don’t blame myself, it was my first love. I wish more than anything she would just say something to me again but it’s over. And now I’m in the best part of my life with more relationship knowledge than before and a more fruitful life. All I can say is don’t get hung up things for too long, don’t assign blame to one party and really, I mean really look at yourself and your actions. Hope you find peace and happiness my friend, I’m always here.

Also in response to the first question, people can learn to love but then is that really what you want, It’s so much more powerful and uplifting when the attraction is inherent and natural.

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Ellie (1,363)M (@tangledupinplaid21) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

@deaflife, Isn’t it amazing how hearing about other people’s experiences can shed light on our own confusing situations? What you described is exactly what I did with this guy!! but it was way more pathetic because him and I never had a relationship. We were always just friends and I could tell the attraction was mutual, but my feelings got really really strong and I think it just kinda scared him off how, as you called it, “over eager” i was. I think something could have developed had I restrained myself from trying to jump into something… but such is life. He’s still my friend that I see every so often and trade books/play music with. :) and yes it was a lesson to be less of a creep and develop some patience. Not sure how recent your thing happened but with some time and space maybe you guys can revisit things or at least be friends.

@citygirl9050, back to the original poster, learn from me and Jack’s mistakes and don’t come on too strong, haha.

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James (121) (@alljuicedup) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

Love is reciprocal… though not really in the way the OP refers to

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josephm (772) (@josephm) 7 years, 10 months ago ago
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kaysteady (18) (@stereofidelic) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

If they know about me liking them, the obvious intent is seen. I like them or love them. I want to be with them. Ball is in their court once I opened myself up to them.

Best case scenario for me has always been being open and honest about my own feelings and intentions. However I am always dating the person. That skews things…

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Q (94) (@Qualohuasca) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

I don’t think in the way OP’s saying… if it were like that, rejection wouldn’t exist at all.
Of course, rejection is usually better than nothing. Or that’s what I’d argue, anyway.
I’ve never really been rejected myself. I’ve never really hit on anyone either. Had too many partners though… could’ve learned a lot about independence if it weren’t for some relationships – something I’d recommend for everyone.

(I did once blow a chance with a beautiful girl I met for the first time in a bar by telling her her name meant “shit” in Hindi… smooth)

Or, like, when you’re in a relationship and you fall for someone else? Like a crush that eventually fades. If love was reciprocal in this way, wouldn’t that always mean the death of the current relationship?

I think love’s being mystified way too much in our culture. It’s media sexy, I get it, but it’s not really that special. It’s actually fairly common. It’s another function of evolution, you could say. And, I mean, of course it’s “special”, but not in the whole “cosmic universal wwwaaa”-way. I used to think “since love is the only emotion that can be felt unconditionally, it must be what everything is made out of!”, but I sort of see the fallacy in that now.

Sorry for going a bit off-topic there. Interesting question, in the end.

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Bryce (2) (@bryce) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

i saw something in my last love, that she didn’t even see in herself. i gave her the respect she never had, and unfortunately her walls were to think to accept it. i used to think that the love you give is returned, but not anymore‚Ķ people have to be on the same wavelength to give and take love properly.

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ces’t la vie (197) (@citygirl9050) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

@qualohuasca, I agree with how rejection is better than nothing at all. I always tell people that I’d rather get ignored than the guy leading me on… and if I like the guy, it’s easier for me to be ignored than it is for me to ignore him (even if I think he isn’t good for me).

@tangledupinplaid21, @deaflife, thanks guys, for your stories. It really does help to listen to another person’s perspective.

I guess love *can* be reciprocal but it’s not always.

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