Is there really someone out there for everyone?
I’ve heard that saying a lot in my life. “There’s someone out there for everyone.” But, is that true? I’ve never had a real relationship per say. I’ve had a couple of dating experiences, but they didn’t work out. There’s been a lot of guys that have showed interest (this was when I was younger), but I either didn’t like them like that, or I just didn’t even know them at all. I’m not in a place in my life where I’m interacting much with people either. I have a job, but I’m not going to school because I have no idea what I want to do. I’m also afraid that I’m holding myself back. I had pretty bad bullying experiences in middle school and high school that pretty much stuck with me. It’s not like I’m bragging, because I seriously don’t think this, but a lot of people have called me beautiful and a “model” or whatever other shit, but I just can’t see that. There’s always a part of me, especially when it comes to family, that tells myself, “they’re just saying that cause they’re family”. It’s like I’m stuck in life. I feel like I’m not doing anything with my life, and I’m afraid that they’re really is no one out there for me. At this point if I were to find someone, I wouldn’t want to do anything sexual because I truthfully hate my body. Does anyone have any of the same feelings or input? Thanks.
@gracyfacey719, I have the same exact feelings. I went through a stage where i wouldn’t even date another girl unless i thought she was the one, because that juvenile game sickens me. But after high school i realized i didn’t have much companionship or extensive sexual relationships with anyone. On top of that I’ve lived in this state my whole life, and the opportunities to meet another girl seem like they are running thin. And even if it does come, will it be while i’m still young so we can grow together? It just seems that, like me, you have a lot of hopes, desires, and expectations that don’t deserve to be wasted. I always just think how big the world is and, although almost every attractive person in America seems to be ignorant and arrogant, there must be an exceptions to every trend, right? In the least, know that you are not the only one who feels like this! We are ind of the exception to the trend. But I can tell if, and when, you do find love, it not be a game.
@gracyfacey719, @hasenfus, it’s easy to get caught up in the “there’s someone for everyone” or the opposite, “there’s no one for me” thoughts. I certainly used to feel this way, but about a year ago something changed, my one-itis (where you think there’s only one for you) went away and I realized that I had over the course of my life met several girls that I was fairly sure would have been a good match for me.
I certainly won’t say it’s as pessimistic as “no one for me” and also I wouldn’t say it’s as guaranteed as “someone for everyone”. It’s just, if you want someone, go out and get them.
I never really believed in the whole “there’s someone out there for you”, I just kinda feel like if it happens it happens an if it doesn’t then it doesn’t. Who wants to be whining all the time about when will I find that special person. It will come when it comes, and there’s a chance it just mite not.
@gracyfacey719, well, look at it this way – how many times have you believed something, only for it to be proven wrong? For me it’s happened more times than i can count. You think that you aren’t good looking, but you don’t really KNOW that, and like you said, others have said that you are indeed good-looking. So what if your self-perception was wrong, and they are right? Also, I had the bullying issue as well at around the same age. It was pretty bad and for a while it caused an inferiority complex in me, until I forgave myself for it happening. I realized it happened because I didn’t know what to do about it back then, I didn’t know any better than to believe it. But now I’ve learned my lesson, forgiven myself for my inexperience, and can now confidently say no one will bully me again.
Besides, the older I get the more I realize looks are rarely the issue. I used to think I was weird-looking and ugly, but saw what I believed to be stranger looking people than me finding someone with much less difficulty. Another thing that happened was that I actually started grooming myself – the change is like night and day. Personally, for example, I feel like I look a million times more handsome when I comb my hair and shave than when I don’t. I am confident in my looks when I put effort into making myself look good.
@gracyfacey719, ‘input’ , Well from what I’ve read , you seem to me , neurotic , I beg for you to look up as many definitions of this word as possible. Also I’d like to say , the more you use words against yourself the less you will prevail , words have more power over all of us than most can manage to be aware of . I hope this somewhat , made you aware of what you seek.
Just by being aware of your troubles goes a long way .
@gracyfacey719, i think the idea of there being a specific person out there for everyone can be pretty overwhelming given how many people exist. I’ve had similar trouble being connected as far as everyone was in school and i took a year off where i was just working and i felt really isolated. it was a good time for me to find a sense of direction but once i started classes again i started meeting people immediately and the isolation feelings just dissolved. school is the best place to meet people and get connected while you’re young in my opinion.
“There’s someone out there for everyone.” I haven’t heard that. Ever. You must live somewhere that it’s probably common and not in the world I live in. Also, I understood it like there’s a slut somewhere for everyone and I agreed.
You mean there is always a match for someone else? I really haven’t seen completely perfect matches anyway, well… there are exceptions that inspire others, of course, but I’m sure that takes a lot of hard work and isn’t pure coincidence. As for not feeling comfortable with your body, this also takes a little bit of work and a lot of sense of humor.
I make it sound so easy. I can’t help you.
You know what I did? I am most positively, most certainly, most confidently sure I’ve met my soul mate, because depth-like evidence kept floating on the surface for just two years in a very weirdo fantastical and amazing way. I still go beyond that though, I’ll call her a slut with hope whatever path she chooses is going to be most fulfilling.
Don’t just find the person out there for you, call them bad names! Don’t just find true love, test it for your own well-being. Find it, nurture it and let it go. What stays is not going to be what happened, but the potential of what could happen at any moment. Yes, we’re all dependent on each other, but if our frequency is on the same level of effort and learning from that effort – Find your soul mate and think it’s a slut.
Some women realize they’d rather be someone’s wife, instead of someone’s whore. Others with different experience realize they’d be their own whores, instead of being anyone’s wife. Somewhere, out there, for everyone there’s a convenient change of heart temporarily, and somewhere else there’s a cherished memory and charm that pulls you no matter how much you want to hide it and still be comfortable with it. It doesn’t matter, though. We somehow already carry the best parts of what we cherish.
I used to feel this way. I fell in love at 14 and dated him for five years. We “grew up” together, but that didn’t save us.
I too felt uncomfortable about my body. He made it clear he wasn’t attracted to me, and even after I lost 80 pounds he want truly attracted to me.
I thought he was the only person for me, and in a way he was. We grew up together, which means we will always have a unique connection, but he was not a good boyfriend (and I was not good to him at the end-but I feel I was justified for the anger and mistrust). What I am saying is that there are multiple people for everyone, that all fit in different ways. There will always be parts that work and parts that don’t work. It will never be perfect. Instead of looking for “the one” look for someone who makes you happy. Don’t compare them to the past or expect mistakes to be repeated. If I expected every boy to be like my ex I would never be able to date again. Instead I can concentrate on the weaknesses that I have/had so I don’t repeat MY mistakes. You need to trust that people that show interest in you like how you look and act (they are interested in who you currently are) and then trust the happiness you bring each other. If you spend your life looking for “the one” you may lose the opportunity to find someone great.
There will be someone for you.. Just try and stay open.. and about the sexuality, if you find the right person (or “a” right person” it won’t matter as much because they will help you feel good about yourself.. Just allow it to happen naturally, even if it takes awhile..
@gracyfacey719, well first of all Gracie you are beautiful, it is obvious just from your profile picture that you are a good-looking girl. You must realise that the fact that you “wouldn’t want to do anything sexual because I truthfully hate my body.” is holding you back in all facets of life… truly, humans are a combination of mind, body and soul and we need to allow energy to flow through all these. At the moment you are blocked up, severely blocked. And it is entirely the fault of these bullies you mentioned. You’re number one goal at this point in time must be to embrace your body, to love it for the beautiful organism that it is. You can’t forget that your body is YOU, right now you hate your body so you hate YOURSELF, and that is tearing you apart, hate is a terrible thing and we receive more than enough of it from others, you really don’t need any from yourself.
Let go of this dark energy that these bullies burdened you with, these bullies were weak and could not deal with their own problems, instead attempting to take them out on you. You are beautiful, you are strong, but right now you are weak, right now you are afraid and unable to deal with your own problems. First, admit that you have a problem, then it will be easy for you to become whole again, to shine with burning white light as you expunge the darkness from yourself, good luck.
And to answer your question, yes, there is definitely someone out there for everyone, I’d say there are thousands of people out there for each person actually. If you meet someone and you both connect enough to hold an interesting conversation that makes you both smile, whilst feeling some sexual tension in the air, then you are capable of having a long term relationship with this person. Relationships are never perfect, that is an unconditional fact. People forget that a relationship is like anything else that is good, it takes HARD WORK, it is not EASY, but it is GREAT, humans thrive when they have close relationships, sexual or otherwise.
So essentially, no, there is no ONE person for anybody, but this is a good thing, what if this one person died? Then what? Humans are able to connect with literally any other human on at least some level, though no humans can connect on every level. Find someone who you are attracted to and who makes you happy when you talk to them, and you have found your ‘someone’ for this time in your life. Trust me.