It's lonely at the top..
The more you focus on physical health, mental health, becoming balanced, spiritual growth, just personal growth in general – it seems so much harder to find people to relate to and also just to maintain relationships with people you used to relate to..
Is any one else going through this?
The discussions on this site make me feel less alone, and I am so grateful to live in a time where the internet exists. Though I believe that the type of people on this website are still very much a minority on earth. I mean, how many of you know people like yourselves that you can truly relate to in real life? I’m willing to bet not many. And for those who do; I am so, so jealous. You are very lucky!
The path of least resistance is overcrowded and filled with people. The paths of laziness, conformity, over-consumption, etc is so full of people there is barely room to move. Ignorance is bliss?.. I mean maybe they really do have it easier. After all, at least it’s easy for people following the crowd to find others to relate to, right? I mean, if you love to watch T.V.- GREAT! Because everyone else does to! You will make lots of friends. If you love to get drunk, or go shopping, or eat junk food, or gossip, then excellent! You are in good company, there will be no shortage of people for you to relate to.
The path of spiritual growth and self improvement is faaar less crowded, if not completely empty in some places during your life. If you enjoy meditating, pondering the meaning of life, eating healthy and being good to your body, prefer reading to television, see through the illusion and the trap of money and consumerism, if you feel like the earth has a consciousness or if you are skeptical of the government and certain large corporations, if you think religion is fear based indoctrination, if you think children are an oppressed class and that the way most adults treat them is completely unfair, and even harmful, if you have any opinions that deviate from those deemed acceptable by the majority – well, good luck. Either you can pretend to fit in with people who will never really understand you, or you can spend your life searching for those who will. I mean hopefully we find each other eventually, some day. But in the mean time, it gets a bit lonely. &Frustrating. Because you can look around and see everyone else who is just having no trouble finding others to relate to, all these people around you who just fit right in and go about their lives together, while here we are on the outside just trying to find another soul who gets it, who really just gets it. It’s a really quiet road.
Maybe this is just my experience and I am imagining it all? Does anyone else feel the same way?
Do you ever wonder if pretending to fit in would be easier? Buy all the things the T.V. tells you to, get a smart phone, stop thinking so much about everything- in fact avoid it as much as possible, act in the acceptable ways, discuss the safe things, just do what everybody else is doing. I mean they all have each other at least.
I wouldn’t want to change the way I am but sometimes I wish I had more people who understood.
Just wanted to get this off my mind, Thanks for reading.
<3 Loved this. Well put and well written. I actually just wrote a poem related this yesterday. I’ll put it at the end of this reply.
Yes, being conscious (e.g. aware of this societies short comings) in a world where most others aren’t, is a lonely and sometimes painful predicament to be in. One of the hardest things I experience is trying to express some of these thought provoking views to others. I don’t want to offend them, but inevitably it seems that these realization will harm them in some way. So for me, the question then becomes do I “rain on their parade?”, do I pull them out of their “blissful ignorance?”, in a sense, possibly make them just as lonely as I am, justifying my actions with some almost false sense of bettering their lives… I don’t know. Everything’s grey and smoggy – unclear. I’m too wrapped up in my morality to proceed with any action.
Anywho, I’d say pretending to fit in is actually one of the problems per say. If more conscious individuals spoke out and expressed their views instead of repressing them, things would be a lot better. But, in an actual group of people, this is hard to do sometimes without some kind of conflict ensuing – battle of views, who’s right and who’s wrong, expounding facts and evidence supporting either or. It’s a lot of hard work that might not produce the desired end result, e.g. might imprint a negative image on the people around you.
Here’s my poem.
filled with so many lies and misconceptions,
I find it hard to thrive, hard to make meaningful connections.
Life constantly focused on money, what to buy, on endless consumption,
is not a life I want to live, and is one that I’ll eventually walk away from.
For now, like most, I endure; life enjoyed is seldom.
Just trying to be myself,
trying not to lose my mind in this fucked up conundrum
we call society.
“So for me, the question then becomes do I “rain on their parade?”, do I pull them out of their “blissful ignorance?””
I’ve thought about this too. I find that the people who are not ready to hear things, literally just don’t hear it. It’s almost like they have a block. Have you found this to be true also? I think when people are ready, the information will come to them somehow.
This is especially true of my older sister. Whenever I start going into some of the deeper aspects of things, or when I try to express some of my views about society with her, she completely ignores most of what I’m saying, or scuffs it off as nonsense. She has this defense that blocks out almost anything that doesn’t mesh with her perception of reality. Sometimes I think she feels that I’m trying to hurt her with my words by “pointing out the flaws of her world”, when that’s not the case at all. I only try to help her. Some of the things I share with her actually has profound importance to her life and situation (law school student, in over hundred thousand in debt), yet she still rejects what I have to say. I often feel this is the situation I’m in with her:
The “system” has her I guess. Regardless, I’m still going to try and be supportive, help her out where I can.
Same thing with my little sister man. It’s almost impossible to get through that defense mechanism because there is such an emotional connection to her perceived world. And my older sister started to see things a few years ago, and then I’m assuming she got to a mental block that would’ve brought her world down or something and stopped. So she sees things and won’t deny them, but at the same time doesn’t change her view or do anything about it. It’s really quite sad. Good quote btw
I’m afraid that same thing will happen to my sister. Conscious of that scenario playing out in her life, I’ve started to refrain, or shy away from manifesting that realization in her life. It’s very similar to the matrix movies, e.g. once a minds been attached to it long enough, it’s probably better to leave that person be.
It is sad.
That’s so tough though. Because like that quote, it’s the worst kind of slavery because the person has no idea that they are willingly going along with it. And those who wake up and have a real sense of urgency about them (which is understandable) are often treated as having “mental illness”
Negative image on the people around you? Jesus. :) One of the first things about being yourself is not putting your false reputation as an image on a pedestal and top priority. As far as pulling people out of their blissful ignorance is concerned, I usually just mock. I don’t think people understand the poem yet, the source of the phrase that ignorance is bliss. “Where ignorance is bliss, ’tis folly to be wise,”. It’s written to depict a teacher observing his students’ reactions to the system, but you have to read the whole poem to understand.
The reason ignorance happens to be an indirect bliss is this real life example – I ignore bullshit on my Facebook, dense motherfuckers who say nothing with passion, do nothing with passion and preach it to others. You can only take so much.
Most people would think that this lifestyle is an easy way out. No. For you to live spiritually is to sacrifice. Regardless of the modern fluff surrounding this trend.
Reality, it is sick and depraved. A spiritual path doesn’t mean escaping it. It means facing it. That’s how foreign shamans and mystics of different cultures have been in tradition. Real yogis and healers aren’t heroes, they are the lower class. They are sick and depraved in the eyes of those in that society.
I think there is a way to do all of these things and still feel connected to the people around you in most cases. If you believe we are all the same consciousness, there is no true separation- just individuation which can be threatening at times. Less conversation and more sincere eye contact shows everyone that we are all the same energy. As far as everyday personal choices- if you make the right ones for you, you will end up with the right people. Everyone deserves their space and if others aren’t capable of giving you yours in that matter, that is more guidance in the right direction away from those people. However there is a time for social convention if the connection is worth it to you like with people you respect enough to grow at their own pace. Being a weirdo is a way of life and not everyone is suited for it. Also I do sympathize a lot with you and at the same time I think it is illusory to think the “top” is better, or that there can be no spirituality in money, tv, sugar, etc. People conform because it creates a bond, a spiritual connection. There is just an imbalance to selfhood vs universal self that people like us are trying to settle imo.
See, using words like illusory is kind of disrespectful. With any differentiation from another person, it’s less threatening to say I prefer or I don’t like to blah blah blah and then it may be better received if you’re trying to do something against the grain.
I get what you’re saying, definitely- especially how there can be spirituality in tv, money etc. Though I think you may have misunderstood me a bit. It’s not that I think any of those things that I described are inherently BAD, it’s just that they are the NORM – and when you deviate from the norm – it’s lonely. Basically.
I mean of course I value those people who I’ve grown apart from and I understand that everyone is going at their own pace on the exact same path, I don’t think I’m better than anyone else- far from it. I can see how you’d get that idea from the subject title though! It just seemed like the best group of words to convey how I was feeling. “It’s lonely at the top” not in the sense that I’m better than anyone, just different. Climbed to a different part of the tree, maybe? Where there are less branches to stand on. I don’t know. I don’t know if I can really explain it to you, but yeah.
As far as continuing to hang out with people who are at different points on the path, I mean.. been there done that. It just doesn’t feel right. I respect them as people but it’s literally almost like.. okay, in terms of vibes. Vibrationally we just do not fit anymore. It just doesn’t work. And sure you can force things like that, but why move backwards?
Also you said “See, using words like illusory is kind of disrespectful.” Again, I feel like I was misunderstood. What I meant by illusion is that, literally, this entire physical reality is an illusion. When you awaken spiritually, you see through it. That’s all. Again, I don’t see being unaware of the illusion as a bad/less valuable perspective – It’s just that for the time being, there are more people who are spiritually asleep than awake. It’s just harder to find people to really relate to when you’re in the minority in any type of way.
Hopefully that made sense. Thanks for your input. :)
Oh I was criticizing myself for using the word illusory not you haha.
Less branches definitely. I always wonder if I’m going to be found out for my lack of similar foundation, or any foundation? Foundations are illusions I think. I think.
Being found out.. hmm. I guess even when you don’t say anything, or pretend to fit in, people sense your energy. Even if they don’t know what it is they are picking up on- so no matter what, somehow you always end up on the outside of the group. This has been my experience anyway.
“For him/her who has responded to the call of the Way of Possibility, loneliness may be obligatory….It is not we who seek the Way, but the Way which seeks us. That is why you are faithful to it, even while you stand waiting, so long as you are prepared, and act the moment you are confronted by its demands.”
WOW! I really, really like that.
I’m really unsure what my purpose might be.. A psychic told me I would be involved in Reiki, and also things to do with manifesting/law of attraction type stuff. I do find that kind of thing very interesting, and it seems there are endless things to learn about it. She also said that I was an empath. Which I often thought anyways, although I admit I did think it was a little silly. So to hear someone else say it, who didn’t know anything other than my first name, was really interesting. Maybe there is something to it. I shouldn’t give my power away to a psychic reading, though I did find she was very accurate in the things she said. To the point of it being a little bit scary.
Time will tell, I suppose.
Maybe just working on raising your own vibes and consciousness is fulfilling the calling in and of itself? I don’t know. I guess things have a way of falling into place..
This really made me think. Thanks. :)
Let me get this straight. A psychic told you that you’re an empath and you thought it was silly. A psychic. For the record everyone is an empath. It’s just not everyone learns to overcome traumas to unchain themselves and feel deeply. True empaths are the real challengers of themselves and everybody else. Oh, yeah. Also, I’m pretty sure a psychic has to be an empath to “read” you. :)
Haha, correct! I am often very self doubting! So to hear it from someone else made me listen I suppose! Very true though I never thought of it like that, I guess that’s exactly what psychics are – DUH. :P Though maybe not all of them… hmmm I have to ponder this.
Everyone has quirks. No one is approved of, only accepted. lol in middle school people started calling me “Unique” as an insulting nickname bc I guess I came across as not being too attached to my individualism? Idk, ppl are excluding to feel more concrete in their own identity. So much of your selfconcept in relation to a group relies on what you tell yourself.
Great topic been aware of this in myself for years .
I’ve not been on the board since spring ,but hope everyone had a super summer .
This topic especially applies often to meeting someone special and creating new close friends . Also to the need to let go of old friendship that may be detrimental and no longer work for you . I’m a true blue kind of friend and always there for all my friends, I just no longer pursue constant contact with those who’ve stagnated .
I no longer ‘chose’ to put myself through the anguish of the dysfunctional daily drama.
Every time you work on yourself to become a more enlighten healthier human being you narrow the circle of possibilities of future new connection. Because your trying to change some behavior or type of thinking from you own mind .
You also become more independent and don’t seek out others for your own happiness and well being anymore.
I’m lucky to have a few good friends who are fairly healthy individualists they often voice the exact same words . Also I have some not so enlighten friends ,neighbors etc that I see daily and observe there self inflicted daily drama and struggles which reminds me and makes me thankful for my own quite peace of mind I worked so hard to achieve. Do I feel better then them anyway absolutely not ,more like thankful for my own life and who I am.
I often say being enlighten human being doesn’t seem like a gift I thought it would be . But it’s who I am and will always seek to be the best version of myself I possibly could be .
I think so many here feel different because we are not sheep following the herd .
What I found important is to ‘validate’ myself in society and think a lot of that came from this web site . Someone posted a saying on this site a while back , the Stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt . So many here questions there own ideas and opinions because we think and see the world differently from the masses . Has it every occurred to you that your the one that is correct in your perceptions. I’m not advocating trying to change anyone overtly but more threw setting examples of happiness and positive energy . I find people constantly smiling at me lately .I hear people say often I have wisdom and intelligent when I speak up.
I’m learning to offer my advice and opinion in more of a compassionate way .
Something recently happen earlier this summer to me . An acquaintance I see a few times weekly and speak in passing said out of the blue . You seem to be a very happy content person adding she always enjoyed when we spoke because I usually see the bright side . Wow I thought to myself maybe I am a happy well adjusted person I always strive to be but I don’t see it in myself because I’m always striving for improvement on myself .
I think many here suffer from the same syndrome as myself no matter how much I achieve in life it’s never enough for ‘me’ there is room for improvement .That trait is what makes us constant thinkers and keeps us from becoming stagnant and complacent like the people on the road more traveled by the masses .
On a different note it’s human nature to always desire more ,but if you learn to be thankful for all you have it’s hard to be unhappy .
Time for inexplicable wisdom – It’s lonely when you’re suffering from hubris.
“I do absolutely nothing. I go home and stay there. I wash and scrub up each day, and that’s it. One month I actually grew a moustache, just so I could say that I’d done something.” – Bill Murray
I don’t think this is the case. Again, I seem to be misunderstood.. It’s not that I think people who live differently are beneath me or worth less. It’s that I find it harder to relate to or be understood by them. Everyone has value and every person and their life serves a purpose in the grand scheme. Whether that be serial killers and mass murders or Gandhi. Every single person adds to the collective consciousness and evolution of the universe as a whole. We are all valuable.
I am merely saying it’s lonely to be in any type of minority, whether that be in terms of your opinions and outlook on life, your IQ level in terms of say Einstein. How many people he could relate to? How many could understand him, even today? Or someone who is 99 or 100 years old. How many people have seen what they’ve seen? How many people can they relate to? Especially a person 100 years old who are sound in mind and memory, I imagine that would be very difficult. Everyone around them is generally so much younger and just has not lived the things they’ve lived. Or a kindergarten student in a University classroom. They are going to feel out of place, like they don’t fit.
That’s how I feel, like I don’t fit. It’s not arrogance or egotism. Actually I often feel that my ego doesn’t have much hold anymore. Sometimes I can’t relate to anything about my “identity” and I feel that I just blend into everyone else. If that makes sense.
Also it’s said that the world is not as you see it, you are as you see the world. People are mirrors. So, you finding a tone of arrogance in my post shows that you also have this within yourself. You are arrogant, so you perceive me to be arrogant? Wow you’re gunna hate me for that I bet… Not trying to be mean, just pointing it out.
Also I probably need to take my own advice on that sometimes, in terms of your own self being the window through which you see the world. I am not in a state of pure positive focus 100% of the time, though I doubt anyone is. It’s something to always work towards. There is always room to grow,
Thanks for your input :)
I am arrogant… I’m just really okay with it. I don’t want to be in my death bed surrounded by idiots, but I’ll make a few exceptions. I don’t think a person should suffer in any way about being the “smartest person in the room”. I’m sure Einstein wasn’t feeling lonely and depressed considering his take on imagination opposed to knowledge and his popularity, and rather entertaining persona for a scientist. :) According to him, imagination is a true sign of intelligence, not knowledge. Which means that if you’re bored…
Actually, I have a feeling that being boring is one of the reasons people get bored. I’m not even as arrogant as I used to be, but I’m no Captain Marvel either. I can’t be lonely when there are so many fake captain marvels and wondarwomans everywhere, you know. :D
..you’re just boring :)
He may not have been lonely, but it definitely would have been near impossible for him to find people who understood him and the way he saw the world. It was just an example I thought of. :P
Well that’s cool that you’re okay with it. Thought I would get yelled at. Haha!
Yeah, I guess we should be honest with our own flaws first without being way too hard on ourselves. I don’t fit in my university and I’m basically silent in my rebellion only because otherwise I’ll be obviously inappropriate to fit in. Well, I fucking can’t! This reminds me of another quote by Bill Murray because I think I can see my future as a psychologist.
“I wanted to be a doctor once upon a time, but it turns out you’ve got to study, and that wasn’t going to happen. I had no idea what I was going to do. I had trouble holding jobs because they want you to be on time. That wasn’t going to work. Working in the theater, you didn’t have to get to work until 9 o’clock at night.”
At least it’s hilarious.
That would depend on the roles of the actors. A great example is why I am a fan of Tom Hardy. If you’ve seen Stuart: A Life Backwards and think of him as a sex symbol, you are a mindless idiot. It’s so good that I forced myself to watch it three or four times and cure my, at the time, temporary drowning in alcohol.
Seriously though, having the strife for growth and bloom in diversity has nothing to do with self-improvement. Self-improvement can leave you anxious, worried, stressed, concerned with your failures and dooming you to do nothing. Self-help is for fucking morons. It’s a trend because we live in a world full of fucking morons. Reaching your excellent state of mind and well-being rather than outreaching for your desires to be well-off is what actually helps and I’m sure everyone already knows that.