Just friends with the opposite sex that you are attracted to?

 Turbo12 (@Turbo12)7 years, 6 months ago

Is this possible? I have started a friendship with a girl that I am attracted to, and she to me. Our relationship started out of mutual attraction for one another and not just friendship, so it is difficult to go back to that friend stage. She is currently on a “break” with her boyfriend, and they hardly talk. It is a long-distance relationship. She says she is confused and needs space, but when we hang out, we spend time being extremely affectionate and acting as a couple. It is evident that her feelings for me are genuine, but since emotions are so complex, I am thoroughly confused about what to do. I would like to remain friends with her and support her through her “break,” but I’m afraid to get too close because of how I really feel for her. Thoughts?

November 21, 2013 at 11:45 am
josephm (772) (@josephm) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

sounds like you are already in a relationship aside from her saying “lets date”. ride it out and be a good friend, who knows. it’s possible to get ur dick wet but all that intense emotion would be your energy to sink.

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Yael Alonso (59) (@YaelAlonso) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

You could tell her how you feel and see what happens. For things this personal and intricate you are going to have to sit down and meditate on the topic. Some use the basic thought centering meditation, some use marijuana, some psychedelics. Just try to find a calm and introspective time in your day and mind and focus all your thought and your relationship and how to make it open, honest, and accepted by you both. Eventually one of you will have to step and state how they feel, be vulnerable. If it doesn’t your relationship will drift away.

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Turbo12 (0) (@Turbo12) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

@yaelalonso, I have told her how I feel, and she has confirmed her feelings as well. I will admit that the timing of us meeting was terrible, and as much as I would like to walk away to protect myself, I find it difficult to do that to someone I care so much about. Although she says she needs space, she still texts me everyday. It is incredibly confusing

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Yael Alonso (59) (@YaelAlonso) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

@turbo12, Usually when people say they space they mean they need time to think. You should still be there for her, still reach out to her so she doesn’t feel alone, but she’ll have to figure this one out by herself, all you can do is support her.

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Turbo12 (0) (@Turbo12) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

Emotions are so difficult and it’s hard to regulate them when your head is telling you one thing and your heart is telling you another

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josephm (772) (@josephm) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

@turbo12, cool profile pic

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Manimal (2,998) (@manimal) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

@turbo12, This thread AGAIN?

Look, there really is no difference between being her friend and being close and affectionate, as long as there is nothing romantic and sexual going on.
Get that through your head.

Either way, you’re just her teddy bear. That’s all. Deal with it.
Accept and keep going, or break off.
Just remember that this is what you will be to people, what they tell you is just sweet talk to get you to supply what they want.
Cynical? Yes, welcome to reality.

That being said, friends are great as long as your conditions are not being infringed upon, as long as you’re not being exploited.
Set some fucking limits, dude.

And you know what? The line between friends, lovers, fuck buddies, etc. are ALL IMAGINARY.
Feelings are only complex on the surface, beneath the surface they’re simple.

But let me ask you one question…
What do you think you could possibly get out of pursuing anything beyond friendship with this girl? Seriously? Use your brain, stay focused.
Additionally, girlfriends are generally a very bad idea. More strain, more pain, less gain… as if you weren’t already being used enough.

Grab your balls, follow your heart, stay strong.

Peace and love
//Elion

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Obviously, you’re not a golfer (605) (@donjaime23) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

@turbo12, Give her an ultimatum.

Let’s get real: No couple ever survives a “break.” A “break” is essentially slipping easily into a breakup without it being abrupt and distressing. She’s done with that other guy and she knows it. Nows the time to swoop in for the kill.

Step up and be a man.

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Yael Alonso (59) (@YaelAlonso) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

@manimal, Why do you always come off as angry, arrogant, and resentful?

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Manimal (2,998) (@manimal) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

@yaelalonso, Because that’s how you’ve been taught to interpret people who don’t sugarcoat their words and don’t encourage deluded or enslaving behaviour.

Good dog.

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Yael Alonso (59) (@YaelAlonso) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

@manimal, Possibly, or maybe your post- modernist idea that almost everything can be quantitatively proportioned and anything that detracts from your central focus should be shed off and not thought of again makes you sound incredibly douchey.

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ces’t la vie (197) (@citygirl9050) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

@turbo12, feelings are scary, but they are also fun. I agree with the person who said the line between the level of friendship/whatever is imaginary. life is short and if she is making you enjoy life a little more, then go for it! follow your heart. if she is making you frustrated and confused and making you feel shitty on the inside, i advice you to distance yourself. not in a major way, but just block your emotions out a little – meet other lady friends…. go to parties and meet others.

I am not saying play a game with her, who likes games.. but honestly, distancing yourself a little from her will probably make her come to you, it’s only science.

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Matheus Pinheiro (44) (@Mattgood) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

It is hard to talk about that, I had lots of friends already, but now I am just not giving to much for importance for this! Just let it go and it will happen naturally.

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Turbo12 (0) (@Turbo12) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

So I hung out with her and a few other friends all day yesterday. She was still very close and affectionate, and it was clear that she remains interested and her feelings are genuine. She’s beginning to open up a bit more and show her feelings in front of others as well. She also told a mutual friend (which is another girl) that her current boyfriend who she is on a “break” with is starting to annoy her a lot. I denied her a kiss at the end of the night, which I think kind of bothered her, but in a good way

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