Lack of a Sex Drive?
Alright so I don’t know what it is exactly that is causing this (perhaps some kind of hormonal abnormality), but for whatever reason, I’m just not that motivated to seek out a romantic partner nor am I inspired to make love to another. (Just to clear up any potential confusion, I’m a straight, college-aged male.) I’ve had girlfriends in the past (the most recent being my sophomore year in high school) and haven’t really done anything more than kiss, and even that had seemed kind of forced (the fact that we were in a relationship meant that we had to partake in such romantic activities). Maybe my experiences with these particular girls gave rise to a feeling of indifference towards them and others, I don’t know. But all around me I see dudes chasing tail like it’s the end goal of life, which, in a physiological sense, it kinda is I suppose. I don’t know. It just seems to me that guys (at least those my age) resign themselves to the notion that they need to be pursuing a female for sexual reasons. And while the thought of finding “the one” or even just befriending others of the opposite sex does seem wonderful, it’s ultimately just not that important for me (mentally-speaking) to do so. I’m not opposed to it, I just don’t feel compelled to throw myself at something else, even if it is “love.”
@optimystic, Its a long thread, but theres some good stuff in there that MIGHT point you in the direction of finding a solution to your problem, depending on what you are doing with yourself:
I had a similar problem and after taking up the challenge in the thread I’m already noticing results.
well you don’t have to be like everyone else of course, but having said that, if you want to change it and see it as a ‘lack’… do the following
1. stop masturbating
2. start working out, it makes you feel more attractive and manly
3. Imagine yourself how you want yourself to interact with girls. (instead focusing your mind on how you’re not interacting with girls)
4. Are indifferent because you’re actually afraid to hang with girls? what is the underlying emotion that causing this ‘indifference’ because you also say you think it would be ‘wonderful’ ! paradox?
5. Tell us how it went.
@optimystic, I was dealing with the same thing at one point and had to figure it out from all angles. First of all I asked myself am I influenced by what everyone else is doing around me, am I depressed, do I fear something or I just don’t care to an extreme level, why do I not need someone really and yet I don’t feel lonely at all? And it turned out that I do fear something, but it wasn’t rejection, not getting laid which would affect my confidence later, then realize it’s not something I even care about, or a fear of being lonely – I feared getting stuck! Because I had a passion I pursued and a lot of people around me just didn’t, so they continued chasing tail and live day by day like that without giving any fulfilling meaning to what they do. If you’re feeling like I did, then you already know that the sex drive is just a natural but powerful manipulation force. Maybe you’re just selective and value relationships more opposing to your own urges.
does it bother you that much??
alot of people in the replies above have stated it as a problem, maybe a different angle i possible?
maybe your just mentally older you need to actually make a proper connection with a girl before you can engage to a sexual degree.
if society expects it and your friends expect it then it can sometimes be hard to conform to the social expectations of you, and you shouldnt conform for anyone but yourself.
im 28 and i notice im not that bothered by girls sexually but more so intellectually or if they can make me laugh-then it might lead to something natural and not expected
does that make ANY sense?!?!?!
p.s marijuana kills labido for alot of people-just an after thought!
you might want to ask yourself if that really is what you want …
if its not, just do what you enjoy, fuck everyone else and maybe, some day you will get to a point that will turn around your opinion. if this doesnt happen, fine, you found something else that makes your life a good life, so why care?
if it is, there is an “easy” solution for this: heightening your testosterone level! how do you do this? stop masturbating, don´t drink too much and don´t smoke cigarettes at all, work out like a champ, take cold showers, just think about how beautiful a womans body is (actually, just getting an erection increases testosterone :D) and embrace the feeling that women give you. be driven by your natural, manly urge haha, here is a site you might enjoy: http://artofmanliness.com/ :D
edit: what I forgot: don´t stress yourself, on anything, it will decrease your testosterone level.
@optimystic, Sounds okay to me. It’ll save you a hell of a lot of trouble and you can enjoy things in life that other people overlook. It’s only a problem if you make it one brother.
It takes a lot to be honest with a forum of people too about sexuality, so well done my man :)
@zanelee, @optimystic, Yeah..I had this problem too. Like Z said, porn is a big factor. It’s crack for your sensory systems. If you cut at least porn out – I think a jerkin it here and there is completely natural – you’ll be good bro.
BTW, having a bad sexual experience or being in a negative relationship with somebody can mess with your libido.
Props on the honesty! lol
1. On the bright side you will have much more free time and less distractions in life than the rest of us horny fuckers.
2. You could be gay. Put some thought into it.
3. If you have never had sex then you literally have no idea what you’re missing and obviously wont be as crazy for poon as other guys.
4. Maybe you should consider getting your hormone levels checked. You in shape?
@optimystic, This is a blunt question, but do you jerk off? If you think about it, masturbating and having sex are basically the same thing. Masturbating is just a lot more pointless. And it gives you an excuse to not go out and seek others of the opposite sex. Not only because you’re wasting all those male sex hormones that give you the desire to do so, but also because it’s a lot easier to just sit home and do it yourself.
If you don’t really masturbate that often, it could be possible that you’re channeling that energy into something else. Aren’t you a film maker or something? Do you have something that inspires you? If so, that inspiration could be more important to you than chasing women at this point and you could be channeling all that sexual energy into whatever creative effort you’re pursuing.
There are all different forms of sexuality, it’s one long, continuous spectrum. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/9651265/The-moment-I-realised-I-was-asexual.html
@lookitskristina, I appreciate your concern. However, to suggest that I go see an endocrinologist would be to say that I think I’ve a problem THAT NEEDS CORRECTING. Perhaps I didn’t make it clear in my post, but although I’ve noticed a lack of sexual motivation (maybe even an absence of it?) I haven’t really considered it to be serious or in need of change. Now, I wouldn’t say that I am perfectly content with being single, but I also realize that as human beings we will NEVER be perfectly content. (That’s a damn myth but also a tangent I won’t delve into here.) As I’ve said elsewhere, there are just things I value more than my body. So sex to me is just like an activity or an option that most of us seem to have been tricked or felt into indulging in.
Really appreciate your concern though. Thanks for commenting! :)
@optimystic, I’m almost exactly the same way. Ever heard of asexuality? If you’ve always felt this way, then you might be asexual. Asexuality is a sexual orientation just like being straight or gay, and it doesn’t mean you don’t have romantic feelings for girls. It just means you’re not interested in sex. There are several different branches of it including demisexuality (which may also be what you are; it means that you only develop sexual feelings after you’ve been dating someone for a very long time or have a very deep connection with them- that’s what I am) and I know all these labels can seem kind of pointless and intimidating but it might be worth looking into, just so you can figure out if that’s what you’re going through. If so, it’s not a problem that needs to be fixed, it’s just who you are, and there’s a huge community out there about it. I’d be glad to answer any questions if you need it!
@nan0fire, Haha, trust me man, I am fully aware that I do not need to conform to the ideologies shared by most others.
1. I have really never masturbated at all. (Kind of a weird response. I can explain further if you absolutely yearn for an explanation, although that’d be kind of awkward haha.)
2. I really should begin working out again. It’s tough though, man. I’m 6’2″ and I weigh a mere 145 pounds. There’s no fat on my body with which to incite muscle growth. And I know that there’s more to working out than building muscle, but in terms of this “looking more attractive” bit, it’s all there is really to concern myself with. In high school I would go to the gym pretty regularly and lift and whatnot, and was surprisingly able to lift quite a bit more than my body weight, which I was real proud of, but then I just stopped. Some jackass customer at work (happened to be a buff dude) gave me the biggest shit for his particular order of food I had made, and I literally just lost all desire at that moment to do to my body what that fuck was doing to his (getting “bigger”). Kind of a twisted epiphany of sorts, but it’s been effective to keep me from the weight room for almost four years now. Fuck that guy. I really truly think that the weight room is an evil just as the media is. Honestly.
3. Um, I’m a tad bit confused here my man. Are you suggesting that I “feel myself” into interacting with girls? I personally don’t care too much for manipulating my circumstances in order to bring about a female presence into my life. It’s not worth the extra effort in my opinion. I’d rather let shit unfold naturally.
4. This is a really interesting point because I’ve actually had some GIRLS suggest this to me! The thing is, I’m not afraid of it as much as I am embarrassed. Romantic relationships just seem so goddamn artificial to me these days. Sure, monogamy and all of that MIGHT be sweet and have its benefits, but so too does remaining single and NOT having to sacrifice your time and energy and love and money with another human. One can have meaningful connections with entities OTHER THAN HUMAN FUCKING BEINGS. And no, this is NOT to say that I go around fucking plastic dolls or inflatables haha, just that I’ve found other ‘forms’ to connect with, e.g., the silence, solitude, nature, artwork, etc. They listen. They understand. They motivate and inspire. Human beings do this…if they are perfect…which we have understood them not to be…
Really appreciate your response dude. Thanks much for your concerns.
@beyond, My man Sasho. I fucking love you dude. (No, not in that way haha. Your posts just go the fuck in and are awesome as fuck; I really enjoy reading them.) Anyways, I too have posed reflective questions in order to reorient myself with the relationships I have with others, and the motives behind them. I’ve actually been diagnosed with depression in the past (complete and utter crap) but I don’t really consider that a feeding factor into these feelings, although it may be. Who gives a fuck though. It’s the natural composition of my body, so why mess with it, ya know? I have found myself to be a very selective person indeed, and reading Walden by Thoreau hasn’t really helped remedy my social indifferences haha. Also, as you’ve mentioned, I have come to acknowledge that fear of “being stuck”; of limiting myself, in essence. Why shut down the rest of the farm for a lone chick? There are so many beautiful women out there yearning for attention and compatibility and love and all of that that I find it almost pointless in a sense to give my energies to one rather than as many as possible, by say, writing a book (which I actually plan on doing). Relationships kill too much time, and benefit too few people, in my opinion.
Thanks for the response my dude!
No it does not bother me that much at all!!
Man, I can relate to basically everything you said there. I do feel that I’ve grown apart from the norm with regard to sexual norms and related matter. Intellect ranks higher on the characteristic hierarchy than attractiveness, in my opinion. I mean, I wish never to date a chick who doesn’t value knowledge or laughter or empathy or any of those. On a related note, one-night stands sound like the absolute biggest self-indulgent activities on the planet.
Guy: “You’re hawt”
Girl: *blushes* “Thankssss”
Guy: “My bed now?”
Girl: “Okaayyy ;)”
Disclaimer: Yes, this was a simplified as fuck and definitely not accurate of many real-life conversations between the two sexes. I’m only making a point.
Dudes what sex and chicks are willing to have sex too. But why? Because it feels good? Because religion tells us it should happen? No, I’ve never had sex, but no, I don’t care if I ever do or not. If I do, I may become addicted to it, and if I don’t I’ll never know what it is I supposedly “missed out on.” So as far as I’m concerned, I should continue spending time working on my crafts and my studies, you know, being productive. At least that’s what seems right to me. I don’t speak for everyone, only myself.
@andropar, Right on to your first few points.
I love how you just assume I masturbate haha. That’s alright though. It’s so normal for dudes to relieve their sexual tension through hands-on methodologies (pun intended). I don’t masturbate though. Nor do I drink. Nor do I smoke cigarettes. I also don’t workout nor do I take cold showers. I fucking love my NATURALLY skinny body and warm showers :D But yea man, I’m not so sure that sex is what I truly want, I think it’s the connection aspect that relationships are so good at providing. Now, I understand that sex may be the epitome of “connecting” with another, but I’m not so sure. It might be in the physical sense, at least, with another human being. Who knows? Oh yeah, and I don’t stress, either. I convinced myself a few months back that stress doesn’t exist; rather, it is a mental construct like fear that keeps us from reaching our goals.
Thanks for the response brother! Really appreciate your advice!
@peractopaulo, Oh and I forgot to mention, I’ve quit smoking weed (which I had been doing on a semi-regularly basis). I’ve noticed the negative impact it has had on others (yes, I know it has its benefits too) and wish not to be an example essentially endorsing the product, however “good” it may actually be.
And I forgot to thank you for your comments, so thanks! haha
@danfontaine, I have been diagnosed with depression in the past, but really, that was just a misdiagnosis of my perfectly fine natural state (at least, in my opinion). I’m beginning to realize that I did not make it clear it my original post that I am not necessarily looking for an enhanced sex drive, only that I’m curious as to figuring out how common (or uncommon) it is for someone my age, or of any, actually.
Thanks for the concern dude. I lowkey really enjoy your presence on this site. You do good shit for people.
@cognizantelephant, Man, you wanna know something? Well actually, I don’t care if you do or not, because I’m going to tell you anyways haha. I’ve never really delved into porn that much at all, that is, until recently. But the thing is, and you’ll never fucking believe this (I’m not expecting or hoping that you do) but I don’t even jerk the junk to it! I fucking watch it, and get some small amount of satisfaction? from it, but that’s IT! Like what the fuck man? Am I insane?! I’ve never heard of this tendency before (it is relatively ridiculous) but like, what the fuck does that say about me, honestly? I can’t hope to know, but then again, no one is forcing me “to know.” And about relationships, I’ve been in a few in the past, but none of them have entailed sexual activity. I look back on most of them as having been “failed experiments” in a sense, not to beat myself up over them or bask in my misery because of their shortcomings, but because through them I’ve learned not to place too much emphasis on them. (I’m not too much into Freudian psychoanalysis.) Relationships take the form of many varying entities, and I remain intent on discovering as many different kinds as i can. Human beings aren’t the only ‘things’ we’ve the ability to befriend.
Truly appreciate your compassionate words.
1. yes, I’ve acknowledged that. I’ve already begun investing the surplus time and energy into artistic endeavors.
2. While I’ve entertained the thought only slightly before, I’m fairly confident in saying that I’m not gay. In fact, I’m like 99.99% sure of it. I get mad erections to females (well, some, in some circumstances) but don’t feel a thing for males, in that kind of capacity.
3. No, I’ve never had sex, and so I can’t speak to the transiency or fulfillment of it. However, my perception of it (which may or may not be an illusion) is that it is a mere satisfactory relief/bonding activity. It just doesn’t APPEAR to be what I’m looking for in life, at least in terms of my experiences with other human beings (females in this case).
4. I would doubt that my hormones differ markedly from others, but I wouldn’t lose sleep if that were indeed the case. I’m not really in good physical shape, no. I’m 6’2″ and weigh a meager 145 pounds. There is like no fat on my body and my diet has been hampered by chronic problems which makes it hard to gain any weight. Weight-bearing exercise has been on a hiatus for some four years now, but I’m really opposed to going to the gym and effectively endorsing that kind of “gotta get bigger for the ladies” mentality; even if that’s not what I’m there for, my mere presence suggests that it is to the normally uneducated person.
Thanks for the pointers/reminders