last night….

jackie (@jackieruth) 10 years, 7 months ago

so last night i caught the rules of attraction on hbo. and it got me thinking about the last (and first) time that i saw it. i was 19, living on my own, employed, hooking up with random guys, getting pierced, getting tattooed, making new friends daily, and just basically loving life. and then i got zapped back to reality. i’m 25, living with my parents, unemployable, broke, been in a controlling relationship for the past 3 years, and hardly leave my house anymore. i don’t know who i am anymore. i feel like i just woke up. its like the past six years just happened last week. i don’t know how to explain it any better than that. i’m kinda freaking out. does this keep happening? i just wanted to know if there are any older people on here that just woke up 40 or something?? does this make sense?

April 17, 2011 at 6:27 am
jackie (0) (@jackieruth) 10 years, 7 months ago ago

also wanted to add the indescribable feeling of inadequacy and hopelessness that accompanied the memories…..because where i am is never where i thought i’d be. i don’t know the ages on this site but if you are young…..enjoy. and try to remember stuff. i’m pretty sure i’m having a quarter life crisis. and i really hope that i can take this experience and in ten years point to it and say “there, thats when i woke up” but i don’t know if thats going to be the case. i don’t really know what i was trying to accomplish with this post. it could be my life purpose is to serve as a warning to others…..

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Kayne Wong (4) (@kayne) 10 years, 7 months ago ago

We range from teens to 40s I believe. Maybe some people I have not met or seen who are older.

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jackie (0) (@jackieruth) 10 years, 7 months ago ago

does anyone else experience that? the feeling of being completely lost with no idea where to go from here?

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Stephen (90)C (@stepvhen) 10 years, 7 months ago ago

yeah, there’s solutions for that though

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mel (0) (@zylacic) 10 years, 7 months ago ago

jackie, i understand what you mean when you said “i don’t know who i am anymore. i feel like i just woke up.” that’s how i’ve been feeling lately. i don’t recall feeling that i didn’t know who i was when i was a teenager, so it feels odd to me that at 26 i’m going through this period of not knowing who i am or where i belong.

i am also not where i imagined i’d be at this age. i feel a little more disappointed than lost about that though because although i’m trying to figure out who i am, i haven’t been questioning my goals (i’m thinking career-wise) because they are still things i am passionate about and want to do.

i know that doesn’t answer any of the questions you had but i hope at the very least you got some solace in knowing someone else can relate. it made me feel less alone reading your post describing some similar feelings :-)

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jackie (0) (@jackieruth) 10 years, 7 months ago ago

thanks for helping me realize i’m not the only one out there. i can’t even explain everything going on in my head right now but i’d like to say thanks. i haven’t been taking my meds lately and i’m pretty sure i’m paying for it now. i hate the thought of having to take a pill everyday just to function in society. makes me sick. of course, not taking them makes it almost impossible for me to join the rank of other “adults” in this daily existence they call “life” so i might just have struck a happy medium. i’m stuck in limbo. i’m feeling pretty destructive. but thats ok because i rarely act on how i feel. better to just bottle that shit up, right? right.

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