Leaving someone better than you found them

 BirdFlyingHigh (@birdflyinghigh)8 years, 6 months ago

I feel bad; I just had a little break-up of sorts. I was hanging out with someone and connecting with him quite well, but with several other things going on in my life he got bumped by some other priorities.

I think we may have just parted ways.

What does it mean to leave someone better than you found them? Parting ways is a part of life but unfortunately I don’t know if I’m doing it gracefully enough. We made no promises to each other, so I’m not breaking any – yet he seemed so sad. Is it just the price we pay for having affection?

I think he got overly attached :-(

January 20, 2012 at 7:53 pm
Anonymous (8) (@) 8 years, 6 months ago ago

arghh, attachment…haha
I also had a good friend with whom i have stopped keeping in touch, but i think that we have learned what there was to learn from each other and it was time to part…it is the way of life, nothing lasts, enjoy.
Leaving someone better than you found them, we all learn from each other and grow during our relationship.

[Hidden]
Ellie (1,363)M (@tangledupinplaid21) 8 years, 6 months ago ago

What do you mean by leaving someone better than you found them?

[Hidden]
BirdFlyingHigh (152) (@birdflyinghigh) 8 years, 6 months ago ago

Well, I mean being an overall positive influence on people. But specifically, I mean breaking things off in a way that doesn’t leave them mad or emotionally fucked over.

[Hidden]
Ellie (1,363)M (@tangledupinplaid21) 8 years, 6 months ago ago

Oh I see what you mean. It’s always a drag to disappoint someone, but I would try not to feel too bad about it, especially if you had a positive impact on him. There’s not really an easy way to do something like that, other than being as up front as you can, and it sounds like you were.

[Hidden]
Brandon P’naantan Pinkney (321) (@hlalhabattu) 8 years, 6 months ago ago

I just think the notion of “leaving someone better than you found them” is hard to strive for, as long as you end it without shaming them or making them believe it is their fault that the relationship is over, they will in a way be better

[Hidden]
BirdFlyingHigh (152) (@birdflyinghigh) 8 years, 6 months ago ago

Yeah. I didn’t do it perfectly but I think it went ok. Thanks Ellie <3

[Hidden]
BirdFlyingHigh (152) (@birdflyinghigh) 8 years, 6 months ago ago

Brandon I guess you’re right… I’d never really thought of it that way before. That makes me feel a lot better too, thanks.

[Hidden]
West (78) (@west) 8 years, 6 months ago ago

I was in a very similar situation, but I was the guy that was left. I went through a few months were I were I felt very lonely at her decision to abandon our friendship. At first it was painful, and I wanted it back, but now I know that I have grown a lot through the experience.

People are always changing and learning from their experiences. You can’t stunt a person’s emotional growth. The will always be getting better. If you felt like it was time to end the relationship, then it was time. One person shouldn’t be held hostage by someone else’s strong emotional attachment. You just have to live your own life and encourage him to live his.

[Hidden]
TheSkaFish (962)M (@theskafish) 8 years, 6 months ago ago

@birdflyinghigh “But specifically, I mean breaking things off in a way that doesn’t leave them mad or emotionally fucked over.”

In the least offensive way possible, why care? They say all is fair in love and war, I’m beginning to agree with that. I admit I don’t understand love very well, the older I get the more it seems romantic love doesn’t really exist but rather people enter into mutual pacts for personal gain almost like dealings in business, affection seems counter-productive to the end goal. It seems strange to me when people try to control the damage done to people in both love and war. If injury is the intended outcome or is just inevitable, what difference does it make how badly or in what way the other person is injured?

Again, I don’t mean this to come off as a personal attack on your decision. I just don’t understand the concept of romantic love as it exists in reality. It seems that people want this warm, cuddly, togetherness thing, but in practice love operates in a very Machiavellian way. How or why attach to anyone, when the person you are with could just turn off whatever feelings they had for you at any time for any reason?

[Hidden]
Joseph (114) (@warriors41) 8 years, 6 months ago ago

Is this a problem of your self? or is it a problem of how he feels? Don’t worry about him, he’ll get over it eventually.

You never really know if anything is for ever.

[Hidden]
BirdFlyingHigh (152) (@birdflyinghigh) 8 years, 6 months ago ago

@theskafish I guess I view relationships as a pact, sure, but the business goal that we’re working towards is enjoying each others’ company and being affectionate with one another. Like that game that kids play, “I love you more.” “No, I love YOU more.” “No, I love YOU more!!”

If love is a game then I think that’s really all it is. People COULD leave you at any time and for any reason, but why do that to someone you care for? I usually have good reasons for getting out of relationships (but maybe not good reasons for getting into them, other than I like loving people) so there’s a way to do it gracefully.

You end up loving the people in your life whether you realize it or not. I like trying to find the people who are fun to love. The ones who you love to love… it’s all positivity and deliciousness.

[Hidden]
daveb (119) (@daveb) 8 years, 6 months ago ago

I don’t think you can control how they react emotionally to the break-up. just be honest with yourself and the other person. trying to protect their feelings may only make it worse, like slowly pulling off a band-aid.

I think that’s separate from leaving them better than you found them. hopefully, you’ve both grown during the relationship. even the ugliest of break-ups shouldn’t undo that growth.

[Hidden]
load more