Letting go of the woman I love because of a shroom journey?

I’m in love with a woman I’ve been seeing for almost a year now. We’ve had our ups and downs but through it all, we have a tremendous amount in common and we’re in love. 

in the past year we’ve started as friends, then we became a couple, and now we’re moved in with each other. We have a truly amazing life together. We live right near the beach, we bliss out with each other every day, we communicate extremely well, great sex, we support each other fully on our deepest purpose work, and we live really abundantly. 

The thing is, we’ve done two mushroom journeys together, and they’ve shown us basically that we’re not soulmate / Twin Flame aligned partners. The first journey we did together, she felt a bad feeling in her stomach about me not being her twin flame, and at the same time she felt another man was her twin flame (who later she found out isn’t really interested in being with her). We broke up for a month after that, but came back together. 

Last night we did our second mushroom journey together (I took a big dose and she took a much smaller dose), and I saw her leaving me for another man who was better aligned for her, and myself being better aligned with a different woman. It was scary as hell and I didn’t want to see or feel it. 

I told her everything afterwards and we are both shocked. We don’t know what to do because our relationship on the human level is spectacular but may be missing something in the spiritual realm. It’s really fucking difficult to decipher how true mushroom journeys are, and if they’re worth it to believe and see as truth, or if they’re just like dreams that are only feelings being projected onto a visual ‘screen’ in our mind (in this example my fear that she might leave me for another man). 

My question for you brilliant HEthens is, how do you interpret these experiences?

What are your experiences with plant medicine journeys, and do you see them as truth? Do you follow the signs, or do you make decisions rationally when you ‘come back to earth’ afterwards? Thank you 

May 31, 2015 at 7:31 am
Panos (10) (@panos1313) 5 years ago ago

In my experience, shroom trips magnify your existing thought patterns. In that sense, your trip(s), did not tell you something you didn’t suspect at a very subconscious level already, they just threw it in your face. I believe that our “fate” is shaped very early in our lives, our brain does not always know what it is, but our soul does : aka You are a great match for each other at this point in your life, but the person you will develop to be and the person she will develop to be won’t be the perfect match maybe.

That doesn’t mean you have to break up, you can enjoy as many years together as you like and when/if the time comes, you ‘ll split knowing that you lived all you were meant to live together and go on to the next adventure. Now if this trip alone makes you want to end the relationship, then maybe it wasn’t such a great relationship in the first place.


P.S. I’m feeling some what negative today so my opinion might be biased

[Hidden]
Peter (116) (@Gismo) 5 years ago ago

I haven’t done shrooms… Yet… But i would really base your current decision on your current feelings.. Maybe it’s just subconscious fear being projected maybe it’s something more but – i was gonna write “for gods sake”… For Your sake – go with your gut feeling now, if everything’s good (and it sounds like it is – I envy your relationship!) then continue on enjoying it and if it changes down the line then accept it and move on at that polnt.. Go with happiness, you can’t go wrong with happiness..

[Hidden]
Martijn Schirp (112,776)A (@martijn) 5 years ago ago

Don’t trust everything you see on psychedelics, traditionally/shamanistically they have been called ‘notorious liars’. Personally, however, I do see value in working with the phenomenon that came up, especially when you are so close together and are able to bring these unconscious taboos/insecurities to the surface. That is a great pre-requisite for a long and loving relationship.

My interpretation would be that she has doubts about you being the perfect fit, because she had something else in mind before she met you. And perhaps your phase of just being friends before you got together has to do with this. I don’t think the shrooms show you a truth that is eternally fixed, so I would accept this as just one of the phases any couple has to go through. Your subsequent trip only indicated the fear that indeed she might leave you if someone better comes along. 

All of this doesn’t indicate there is something wrong at all, it is very healthy to have doubts, especially in the beginning. If you can work this through, you will be an even stronger couple. That’s how you grow. 

tl;dr: Such strong experiences always hint at something truthful in that moment. However, the real work begins when interpreting these and then integrating into your own self-narrative in a healing and constructive manner.

[Hidden]
Jordan Bates (4,679)A (@bashfulkoala) 5 years ago ago

well said, martijn, thanks for that relationship wisdom. 

[Hidden]
FindYourGreatness (344)C (@jpete011) 5 years ago ago

Thanks @martijn. those journeys did point out things that were truthful in the moment. In the first journey she felt my tendency to settle as unattractive, and projected her ideal man onto another guy (who is actually super attractive and has tons of girls wanting to date him). She then projected him being her twin flame. Then in our next journey, I clearly had my fear of her leaving me come up, which was very real on an ego level. 

In the next journey we did the next night, she finally admitted that her idea of having a Twin Flame was only created by her ego, and she created it because of her past karma being a protected woman in the middle east who was kept virgin before marriage (which was likely arranged). She then realized that she could totally be with me as a life partner, as long as we build a solid King and Queendom together, and that we keep our relationship interesting. 

Thank you for your input man. 

[Hidden]
Martijn Schirp (112,776)A (@martijn) 4 years, 12 months ago ago

You’re welcome man, thank you for sharing your thoughts with us :) I hope you keep enjoying moments together!

[Hidden]
T (0) (@shukability) 5 years ago ago

I’ve never heard of shroom trips/journeys or things of that sort but I don’t think that you should let that question your relationship with your girlfriend. If your relationship with her is as accurate as what you have said, I don’t think there’s a problem. Of course, you probably feel upset or disappointed but I’d suggest you forget about it and just let nature take its course.

[Hidden]
Anonymous (2) (@) 5 years ago ago

My opinion is that the idea that your fate is different than your desire is a distortion of reality. Substances really bring those distortions to the surface. Your will is the same as love’s/goddess’/god’s/spirit/truth.

[Hidden]
Sean Yardley (11) (@SeanYardley) 5 years ago ago

I would like to say, first of all there is nothing in this whole universe that I regard as highly as love, so keep that in mind when I say what I have to say.

 I have not had but 1 mushroom trip and it was quite unpleasant, that being said I have on a number of occasions ingested LSD, 4ACO-DMT,(which is very structuraly similar to the active ingredient in psychedelic mushroom) i have smoked DMT on one occasion though not enough to quite get there, and plenty of your analog chemicals I.E. 2C’s, 25I, LSBD, and so on. From my experiences these chemicals have helped reveal myself to me. It was not always crystal clear what they were teaching me at the time, but I have learned an immense amount from the fact that that in my younger years I was abusing these chemicals for a quick enjoyable high, to the fact that I myself am truly no different that LSD, or say paint. They have helped me grow in spirit like no other tool I have ever come in contact with. And it seems to me that you are having parts of your self revealed to you. Now I dont know you on a personal level so I will not try and translate these visions you have for you because I feel it your your job to come to your own conclusion.

 now I would like to say here I am not knocking the idea of twin flames or soul mates or what have you, but I would like to say that what I have found is any the idea of compatibility is an idea of the ego. As long as you look for the yin to your yan you are missing a large truth which is that your 2 souls at their truest and highest forms are one in the same, and that same thing is pure, unmolested, unconditional, undying, love. And that is all. That is your true nature. And any idea past that is secondary. Now here is the problem. For me to tell you to find that love within you is as if I were asking you to become the next Jesus Christ.(which I believe you can do. And every day of my life is a walk on that path) and it is hard. One must let go of all things other than that first true love that you came from know as spirit. And know that that true love is not personal or interpersonal. For that is a conditional love. The “I love you” is the love of the ego, for it implies that should you not be you I would not love who ever it is that you are that I am loving. True love is an embodiment. Something you become. You do not love, but you yourself are love. You embody love, and you radiate that love eternally. That is when you have truely hit it. And once you are there there is no twin flame. There is no soul mate. Thats all some lower astral trip. There is only love, and all of these fears you experience fall away.

 so I guess my verdict is. Leave your women, dont leave your women, these are all small decisions on the grand scale. Follow your heart brother, things will end out as they should.

 I wish you the best of luck, I know the pain of heartache and there are few as deep.

 peace

[Hidden]
sherekeewoman (0) (@sherekeewoman) 5 years ago ago

I was in an extremely similar situation as you when I was with my then boyfriend who later became my husband.  We ended up taking a very large mushroom that sat on the altar of a very powerful woman that we knew.  I was youngish, 23 at the time and was completely in love with my boyfriend.  I knew that he lived on a day by day reality; a hippie at heart, raised by hippies, and had been on many trips in his lifetime.  For me, this was my 3rd experience, I think, but it was the most potent dose.  I ended up having a bad trip, and it became clear to me that my fears of him leaving me were bound to happen and I tried hard to get away from that reality.  In this heavy, blinding trip (got to the point that my senses were gone, all was black, and I thought we were communicating to each other in another space/in our heads.  In the end, I thought he was trying to trick me, and was like the devil trying to get me to explore this place, but I got extremely fearful and thought I was being tricked into hell.  This was a really life changing experience and I remember so much of it to this day (17 years later).  I think a lot of it had to do with my own fears, my Christian upbringing and my then moving away from that dogmatic approach to life.  I inherently knew we were not compatible but I couldn’t stand the thought of us being apart.  As it ended up, we got married, despite the fact that he told me a month before that he didn’t want to go through with it and I just basically shut him down. (pretty awful stuff)… we were together for 5 years before we got married and we got pregnant 3 years later.  The baby changed everything for me.  Those characteristics in him that made me love him at first (free thinking, cloud walker, magical, artist, yet disconnected from “the real world” and unable to work or function in society)… started making me feel completely differently.  I began to resent him, and it became very deep.  We ended up divorcing when our daughter was 4.  It was a hellish divorce, but we have finally made our way back to each other as friends, and are dedicated to parenting our daughter respectfully.  I take care of her at my house, and he continues to float through life, traveling and ending up here and there, but he is dedicated to his daughter (though differently than society would define).  

So why go into all of that?  Well, I truly BELIEVED he was my soul mate.  And you know what?  I still believe he is, but it was not meant to be for this whole life’s journey.  He taught me so many lessons about life that I will never forget and will always be grateful for.  We could go into an incredible spiritual place with each other and talk about so many different facets of life, of Self, of Spirit… we read Tarot cards and medicine cards and experimented with life.  He was a gift.  The problem?  We stayed together far too long.  My lesson?  Our soul mates can be:  1.  More than one person  2.  Limited to defined periods of our lifetime.  3.  Help us to grow.

I have had another soul mate in my best friend, whom I thought would be with me throughout my life.  She and I were like sisters.  But circumstances changed, and in the end, our friendship ended.  We were friends from the time we were 5 years old until we were 38 years old.  And then it was over.  I mourned.  I still mourn.  But I can still see the love in that friendship, and how much I needed her at different times in my life.  And how important she was for my growth.  But sometimes…. that growth ends, and it is time to say goodbye.  I truly believe this.

I have now found another soul mate.  This one feels like it will be for the remainder of my life.  I feel that we can grow old together, and I can be happy and safe in his arms forever.  But you never know what will be around the corner.  He is my soulmate right NOW.  And I intend to stay with him for life.  I don’t have the feelings I had with my ex that things would be temporary or that things would eventually end.  I knew that way before we ever got married.  I married him against my better judgement, but, my daughter came out of that decision.

So my advice to you?  Keep loving your girlfriend.  Free yourselves from the fears that you are not soul mates.  You probably are!  The question is whether or not this is meant as a growing period of your life or if it will be forever.  It shouldn’t matter.  Revel in the love that you have right now.  Don’t get distracted by the fear she will find someone “better”.  She won’t find anyone unless she is looking.  Trust in the universe’s plans for your life, and never let fear dictate your decisions.  LOVE with every cell of your being.  I don’t agree that inter-personal love on this earth is coming from a lower energy place like one of the other posters here mentioned.  I think that love that we find on this planet is one of our greatest gifts from Spirit.  Now, the pain of love lost?  It’s horrible!  But is it worth it?  Hell YES!  If you keep following your path of self-awareness, and being open to the Sign Posts that are laid out for you, then you shall never be without Love in your life.  If this girlfriend and you aren’t meant to be “for life”, it is meant to be for NOW.  Enjoy it.  Bliss out.  Learn.  And if you two are meant to go separate ways in the future, then let it occur.  Don’t do what I did and cling to that person and end up with ugliness, fighting and desperation.  Realize it is OK to let go… and give it time to mourn… and then get back into life, call in your next Love, and be open to it.

[Hidden]
FindYourGreatness (344)C (@jpete011) 5 years ago ago

Wow, thank you so much for your reply. Your story is very interesting. That’s the funny thing about marriage in our society, is that sometimes it’s just not meant to be for life. But it’s also a decision. Are both parties so committed to marriage that they’ll do whatever it takes to make it work, and work well? Or is it just not working, and would be best to end? 

The interesting thing is, her and I did another magic mushroom journey the next night, and she finally admitted to herself that Twin Flame is just a story created from ego. Then she saw a past life where she was a woman in the middle east being hidden from men and kept virgin so that her blood was only passed down to her husband (who was likely arranged marriage). This is why she is programmed somewhat to be constantly seeking ‘the one.’ Then she admitted that she could totally be with me for life and not seek out other ‘better’ men, as long as her and I build a King and Queendom together (large and purposeful businesses and lives we love, that help heal the people and our planet). 

… On the topic of marriage, I fear sometimes that I’m just too young at this point, because I may go through massive growth spurts still in my 30’s and even 40’s. I’m 26 and this woman is 35. 

She wants to have babies in 2 years because she wants kids, and she thinks her ovaries are drying up, so it’s important to make it happen, either with me or someone else. Right now, we’re on the path to get married and have a kid by that time. But it’s scary at times because sometimes she doubts us. She’s even had scary dreams 3 times when she has a bad feeling in her stomach that we’re not the right long-term match (twin flames). And sometimes I wonder about if we’ll workout long term too. 

Will I change a lot in the next 5-10 years so much that we’ll grow apart from each other? That’s possible. 
It’s just scary to think about us building a life together, and then breaking up. We’re even now working on building a business together, so that adds a lot more to the picture as well! 

At this point, I’m feeling that our life is spectacular together no matter what. If we break up down the road, it was still all worth it. If not, that’ll be incredible. 

[Hidden]
Filip (2,818)M (@filipek) 4 years, 12 months ago ago

First of all I would not consider anything as the ultimate truth. Mind altering substances can give you a broad variety of experiences, depending on so many factors of which most is just pure guess work. The answers you will receive here will also be pure guess work based on personal experiences. I would advise you to listen to your intuition, ask yourself questions like “what does this relationship give me in my life right now?” “what do I want from this relationship?” Remember that everything is temporary, all our experiences are learning experiences and opportunities for growth. Don’t guide yourself by social stigmas or expectations from society or others. 

In my personal experience mind altering substances have definitely given me great insights, however it is not always what I expected it to be. The answers may seem obvious but sometimes it can be a totally different angle or direction I had expected. 

Be careful with the conclusions you are drawing. Look at other circumstances in your life and try to make a conclusion based on all life experiences, not only from the mind altering substances. 

[Hidden]
Patrick (0) (@Patrick-Cook) 6 months, 2 weeks ago ago

Hey there! So I was reading through this post and a few of your others. It’s remarkable how much I feel that I relate to you and your mission in life. I’m younger (23) but I feel there is a strong similarity between us.

So my question is, what resolution did you come to? I saw the post showing that you are engaged and I would love to hear about the fears you had to work through to arrive at the point where you felt like you could continue your relationship. I am in the same exact boat as you were, only we haven’t tripped yet, but have planned to do so later this year. We hit it off instantly. It has been an unreal relationship, and I literally can’t complain about any of it. But there is that little voice that occasionally wonders if this is the one. Sometimes I get this feeling that she isn’t, despite everything going so smoothly. I don’t know if I should trust this “gut feeling” because I’m not sure it’s correct. I can’t seem to differentiate between a projection of some fears or insecurities vs an actual gut instinct. I just really struggle to stay present and to not get caught up in all of that. And now I fear that I will be shown something I don’t want to see when we do trip. I have had experience tripping before so I know how these can go, and I’m not gonna lie, I am anxious about it the more I think about it. I have been meditating and seeking to understand myself more in this area, but I feel blocked and stuck in circular thinking.

Anyways, I just see so much overlap in the types of people we both are and I came to hopefully learn something from you.

[Hidden]
load more