What’s it feel like when no one checks up on your existence? You’re basically left all alone to suffer, to rejoice, to have momentarily glimpses of euphoria. You’d like to share your good news with someone, but everyone’s too busy doing something else to hear. You’re tired of shouting out for help, and you’ve pretty much given up on making any new friends. No one really understands you, though you like to think that you’re very good at understanding others. It fucking sucks to be alone, does it not? Your whole world could be condensed and made more manageable if only you had one person to talk to on a consistent basis, but even that small hope seems faint. It’s fucking spectacular how absurd all of this can be. We are the very people that we wish to meet elsewhere. Other people are waiting on us to enter into their lives as we are waiting on others to enter into ours. We’re all fucking terrified to make moves, so we’ve convinced ourselves that it’s better to remain motionless. It sucks when such a realization is observed. Is it by happy accident, then, that people find happiness and others to share happiness with? We can always try to convince ourselves otherwise. We have time to call ourselves worthwhile.
I agree with your point about being afraid to “make moves”.There’s an underlying dilemma, or instinct rather that causes a dilemma, we have as humans. We have a natural inclination to preserve what we already have and resist any sort of change that may come our way from external sources or internal for that matter. This is, I would suppose, a byproduct of the instinct of mere survival. The only problem is, this instinct can keep us from engaging in meaningful relationships with other human beings. It can make us lonely. The very nature of being in a relationship is vulnerability, opening ourselves up to receive another individual and to share with them. Let down your walls and open your heart and your mind. Let people come into your life. When you meet others with this attitude and aura, they will most likely react to you in the same way. The same goes for being closed off and protective. Theres often a reciprocal nature to the way we interact others. We often mirror each other. My advice would simply be to open up and make yourself vulnerable, thats one way that love can come into your life through means of meaningful relationships with others.
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I feel exactly how you feel. I have hobbies, friends and family which forces me to interact whether or not I like it. For example today I had to chill with these 2 girls my brother brought over and I wasn’t in the mood whatsoever but I made it work. Out of being forced to interact I’ve basically convinced myself I don’t need interaction with others to be fulfilled, and I don’t. It would just be a bonus to never have to worry during a convo or have that awkward feeling if you know what I mean.. If you don’t have family to turn to or at least one close friend I feel your pain.. I cant even give advice cuz i need some myself :/
This seems like the type of thing where what you expect from the environment is what you create. I find that people are more receptive than they even know, if you make yourself vulnerable.