I left California in November to travel in Asia. I fell in love with a guy I met in Thailand. Reunited with him here in the Philippines. And now he’s far away, back in his country. I tried to be positive and make it work as we won’t be able to see each other for 10 months. He was supposed to go to California (where I live) and get a work visa.
In the past couple of years, ever since my last break-up, I have become an emotionally, mentally, physically independent woman. I have no problem being alone and found happiness within myself. But I haven’t opened up my heart until recently because I finally felt ready. And I still think I am ready to love. But, I feel as though I’m not ready for this kind of relationship, as traveling and my dreams is my top priority right now. And I can’t sit around waiting and anticipating. Plus I feel as though one of us will end up getting deeply hurt. So I cut it early, I ended things with him. But now I’m unsure, confused, and wondering if I had made the right decision. Maybe I’m not being brave enough to take a risk with this relationship?
Can anyone share their experiences and insights with long distance relationships?
I don’t know. It’s risky, because usually relationships are built on hanging out and doing stuff on a regular basis. It’s hard to do that with someone who’s a million miles away. But the flipside is that there isn’t always anyone around that you’re attracted to.
I think what it comes down to is that yes, long distance relationships can work. But they hinge on the idea that one person is going to move to where the other person lives, and having a specific date definitely helps, so the two of you can count down. But if neither of you want to move, nothing can really happen.
I’m a magnet of long distance relationships.
The moment a relationship tends to incline towards a romantic degree, I receive news that the time has arrived to pack my luggage and migrate to a dramatically distant destination.
This has occurred so often that I’m beginning to think that the Universe gets somewhat of a sadistic kick out of watching me squander and scuttle.
Soon enough though, when my tear glands were exhausted of leaking; I decided to allow the Universe to romance me. Just like yourself, I soon evolved into a competent and capable woman who didn’t require pillars to lean against. Life is my mistress.
But when we’re rocking in a chair with our teeth submerged in a glass, we’re going to regret the opportunities of romance that we declined simply because we were so conceited with seizing our lives. It is then when we will be engulfed by this crippling melancholy (as if the Alzheimer’s and arthritis wont be crippling enough).
Relationships, especially those as unconventional as there, need to be elastic.
– Monogamy will drive the relationship into the grave, especially with a zealous spirit crackling within your body like a furnace. Open relationships complemented with open minds is prudent.
– Updates. Skype, Facebook, Twitter, email, SMS, telephone calls. Technology is at your disposal so exploit it to it’s very core. Pictures with brief messages are a personal favorite since the mind tends to respond more enthusiastically to pictorial stimuli.
– Letters. Whether they are in the form of a post card or an ink stained sheet of paper. Imagine how exciting an unexpected envelope sitting on your doorstep would be.
– Space. You already have distance, which does not mean you compensate for the physical distance by invading each others’ personal space. After a while, you will feel asphyxiated and this will lead to insecurities (which will be amplified since you will subconsciously be expecting failure considering it’s a long distance).
– Communication. There are couples who reside at polar opposites of the globe who are more intimate than those sharing the same couch. Communication is key, whether it’s confessing to your partner that their haircut makes Tina Turner look like a fashionista or sharing with them your personal inadequacies. Deficiency of communication can lead to a communication gap which will lead to misinterpretations which is forming a suicide pact for the relationship.
– Ensure both of you are on the same page with the mission and vision of the relationship, so that there isn’t a lethal disruption in the harmony.
– Don’t forget to give each other your best, so that the both of you can experience the best of both worlds.
Good luck, you sure as hell need it.
I dated my last girlfriend for a year and a half while being long distant. I’d say it’s definitely possible to make things work, but it also puts a lot of stress on the relationship (which isn’t necessarily a bad thing in the long run). I wouldn’t listen to anyone who says that monogamy isn’t an option for long distance relationships, as it had never been a problem for me (other people are different, sure, but at least I’m one example of the contrary). I don’t think I would ever do another long distance relationship if I had the choice again, but you never have the choice when you fine the people you love, it seems. It’s always more of a desire that you can’t control, even if you know the possible consequences. I’d say regardless of the distance, if you’re up for it, then go for it, but if either party is unsure, then it definitely isn’t going to work. Also, the most important thing about long distance relationships is communication. Even when it’s hard to say or hear, you need to tell each other exactly what you’re thinking and why. Otherwise, doubt and deceit will tear a perfectly good relationship apart in no time. Just my two cents.
I’ve had a long distance relationship which ended, as many would have predicted, in tears. As it has been said above, when there’s no wilingness of one of them to move, it starts not making sense. When there’s lack of confidence and communication becomes unfrequent, things start falling appart pretty quickly.
So, if you’re really into it, as much as your partner, don’t look back and go for it. Even if it isn’t all a bed of roses, will be an experience worth having.
Wish you love,
I’m not sure whether this is still of any importance, but I thought I’d share my experience.
I’ve been in a long distance relationship for 8 months now. It can definitely work out, but it really depends on certain factors.
The most important of them all, which was already mentioned, is
– “planning your future”
I haven’t seen my boyfriend in 6 months, and I won’t see him for at least another 16 months. I’m busy with school, majoring in three departments. He’s busy with work and just joined the CCC (California Conservation Corps) which usually lasts a year.
This is highly discouraging and I keep wondering if there is a point in “being together”, but at the same time not actually being together. The first couple of months were beautiful, everything was new and exciting. Just the feelings you get at the beginning of a relationship. People were telling me to break it off, but I thought “Hey, why just do it the way everyone else does it. I’ll just move there one day, it’ll all be fine.”
But the more I think about it, the less I see a sense in it. I doubt that we will have a future together, even though I wish we could. Still, I have such deep feelings for him that I’m not attracted to anyone around me. So might as well keep things as they are and see where this will take me. Though, I’m not sure if it is worth all the pain of being separated for so long. And I’m scared; will things still be the same between us when we see each other again?
I think I’ve made my point clear; try to visit each other as often as possible, and there’s only a point in it if you’re planning on moving to where the other person lives.
We’re both completely honest with each other and we’ve made it clear from the beginning on that this is an Open Relationship. There’s nothing more important than honesty, and putting effort into communicating on a regular basis. We talk every day and skype on weekends.
I personally need a lot of freedom when in a relationship, which I now have. By freedom I don’t mean being able to hook up with others. I haven’t done that since I’m with him.
By freedom I mean being independent. Being able to live MY life, make my own decisions and stay the way I am. The last guy I was with made me change everything about me, I lost who I was, I was completely unhappy for 6 months. This isn’t a problem anymore.
But to be honest, I think you’ve made the right decision.
@stephaniekaitlyn, “love is to distance as wind is to fire…if the love is weak the wind will blow out the fire…but if the love is strong the wind will only intensify your love” ………love this quote, if your love is strong the distance will only make love stronger
@stephaniekaitlyn, I’ve had an amazing long distance relationship for the last year or so. It’s possible, and it’s incredible that every time you “do” get to see them, it’s like a vacation..and it makes you value the time you have together so much. I have to say though that I don’t think it’s feasible to be strictly monogamous because that’s what makes it difficult. We have a “whatever” agreement about monogamy & were both okay with that. I wouldn’t ask someone to be sexually faithful if I only saw them a few times a year. Some people are cool with opening up relationships like that, but some aren’t. I think you guys could be really happy, but I think if you slap labels on your relationship and make rules that it will complicate things.