Looking for a person to speak with

Anonymous (@) 5 years, 7 months ago

I’m finding a grand split in the posts I’m reading here between people who seem to think they know what they’re talking about and people looking for answers getting fed with opinionated shit. I’ve used the search tool but can’t find anyone discussing my certain question. (Just kidding, I don’t use search tool)
Where do I strike a point in my life where I start taking responsibility for myself?
I’m functioning normally or I wouldn’t have access to the internet (I’m not at the library) or holding down an apartment (hardly), etc.
But I hate who I am.
I think death would be nice but I’m too much of a bitch to commit suicide.
Probably healthy..
I have ideals for myself, I’d like to really help people and turn my life into a great situation
But I find myself being content in the absolute of the life I currently live – there is nothing more. Fear of aging is there but is not a very moving soliloquy.A few years ago there was a light but it’s dying and I don’t experience it much anymore (I’m 25). I’m trying to experience a renaissance of soul but it isn’t happening on its own.
Is anybody feeling how I am?

April 21, 2016 at 1:58 am
Anjelica (101) (@Anjelica) 5 years, 7 months ago ago

Maybe you should watch Michael Jackson’s “This is It” and see if anything stirs up lol. I watched it today. Please don’t die, people love you. 

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Anonymous (1) (@) 5 years, 7 months ago ago

Michael Jackson is one of my all time favorites.
But yeah Imma rewatch his “You Rock My World” music video right now

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Zaddirak (22) (@Zaddirak) 5 years, 7 months ago ago

Hey man. What’s something puts that ‘fire’ in your belly, something that gets you pumped and inspired? 

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Anonymous (1) (@) 5 years, 7 months ago ago

Alcohol. Or… an awareness of things like culture/technology/history as something very concrete

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Zaddirak (22) (@Zaddirak) 5 years, 7 months ago ago

Well, ya know that feeling where you just want to get up and do something? You feel absolutely inspired?

I often get this feeling when I watch films/videos, listen to music or even take a walk outside. For example..

I watched a documentary a few weeks ago about the development of a game called The Last Of Us. Towards the end of this documentary, I became anxious to just turn off the video and start making my own game.

I don’t know anything about game development- but fuck it! 

I want to do it, so I’m going to do it!

I ended up watching every other documentary on game development that I could find, went through countless tutorials and had delve into a number of game development forums to learn how to develop a game.

Now, a few weeks later, I’m still at it.. Trying to make a game.

It’s something I’ve always wanted to do, it just took that little push that was provided by the documentary I had watched.

^This.. this right here, is that ‘fire’ I’m talking about. Sure, my example didn’t consist of climbing Mount Everest or anything too crazy,, but it was something I’m entirely passionate about. You need to find that passion, that inspiration- that fire.

If you already have an idea of what that might be, focus on really going after it.

That’s all I have to say for now dude!

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jazzz (30) (@jazzz) 5 years, 7 months ago ago

Your 25 its natural to feel how your feeling. For the next stage of your life embrace change, learn everything you can about everything you can, clean out anything from your life that is tiresome, help others, talk to inspired motivated people and take some time to have a real conversation with an elder. Embrace and accept your dark side as much as the light, if your feeling low be conscious of this, accept it and move on. There is no pressure to do anything, there is nothing to loose, become fucking passionate!!, look closely and listen closely until you witness the beauty in things, let the fire burn hot!. Or do nothing no body gives a fuck and it doesn’t really matter anyway. We all just passing time hanging out in paradise. Good luck warrior. 

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sayantan (0) (@sayantan) 5 years, 7 months ago ago

Absolutely true.

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aidan (16) (@akira808) 5 years, 7 months ago ago

I love this website so much. So fucking raw. 

no I don’t feel the way you do. Its always surprising that the people who post on this website have such a deep communion with their appreciation of the negative aspects of reality and fail to see the utter beauty in front of their eyes.

Its simple. I think what everyone needs on this blog is to have more sex.

Having sex in the right way, where you finish and can’t speak because your catching your breathe or getting a girl to break down in tears because you’ve just accepted a part of her she was afraid to share is the closest thing I’ve gotten to acid w/out taking it.

When you have a moment where you realize accidentally that “I was depressed, so out of boredom I started hitting on girls, its been so long I’ve forgotten my depression and in this moment I remember what it felt like to not love myself or anyone else powerfully, and now here I lay next to a beautiful soul, free to create pleasure between the two of us, free to say and do what I want with her, and all it took was lazy action, I wasn’t even trying that hard to make this happen” summed up in a split second emotion…its enough to make you cry for the joy in this world. 

Having good sex is like looking at snow peaked mountains in silence. 

Surprised a “renaissance of the soul” isn’t happening on its own? haha what the fuck dude, NOTHING happens on its own but depression. If you want to get better your going to have to kill this ego you have of “i’m sad and the world doesn’t affect me”. 

Do you have a girlfriend or a boyfriend? 

Do you enjoy your life in any capacity? 

You need to expand on what you know you like and work yourself into a passion for it, and it not easy or simple. If having a love of life were easy then so many people wouldn’t be depressed, it takes work and nobody is going to care about it but you. Not me or anyone else on this bog is going to check in on you in a few months to see how your doing. Thats a reality. 

Idk if this is just a shitty rambling post that can jet be summed up to “you need to get laid” but I really think it silly that your in a spot where you don’t see the beauty in the world or feel a drive to chase it down 

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sandy (15) (@sandytorna) 5 years, 6 months ago ago

Just have to say… this just made my fucking night. 

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Illumin4tion (0) (@Illumin4tion) 5 years, 7 months ago ago

There is one part I agree with you and it puts me an a conundrum: “..I find myself being content in the absolute of the life I currently live – there is nothing more”. 

I have no goals, I have no..nothing. Content I am, and it is solace, but in this solace I find an emptiness that pricks at me from time to time but never propels me enough to have a lasting impact on me. That’s the part I hate. I know I should do something but nothing lasts enough to have a lasting impact. 

Nothing inspires me, nothing captures my attention for long – in fits and spurts I have sometimes the inspiration to do better, but it wanes eventually and puts me back on square one. 

Not sure if that’s what you’re talking about but that’s my two cents. 

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FLOATY (0) (@fruitbat77) 5 years, 7 months ago ago

you sound depressed. I’ve often felt the same way as if there’s no point to anything and everything has lost it’s interest. even the amazing experiences ive wanted to have such as see the northern lights and travel through northern Spain… i don’t have much advice on how or when you”ll will get out of it but know that one day you will and it will be completely unexpected. this video helps me on bad days maybe even for just a little: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kM4ZHfBE-0g 

maybe try forcing yourself to do things that use to excite you or explore interests you want to have.

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gnosticrasta (0) (@gnosticrasta) 5 years, 7 months ago ago

I’ve been there. Take a break and get away to do some soul searching. Hike the Appalachian or Pacific Crest Trail. Also try some medicinal marijuana. 

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Snique (1) (@Veronique-Murray) 5 years, 7 months ago ago

Just posted this to a friend who like me feels she’s sleep walking through. The author interested me because doesn’t give succinct answers and I was grabbed by the thought ‘ you’re not accountable to yourself 

https://highexistence.com/wake-up-from-the-matrix/

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Mewnnee Strawberry (0) (@Mewnnee1103) 5 years, 7 months ago ago

I understand completely how you are. I was the same way. I didn’t know where my life was going, I felt useless and like nothing honestly. I felt like I was in everyone’s way. When I met my friend (Adan) he showed me what I was missing, why I felt that way and how to fix it. It mostly leads to us fighting and bitching at each other every single day. It got too much. Not that long ago I started to let him go because I could not handle all of the fightings. He pointed out every little thing. It hurt but I became dependent on him. I suffer from Bipolar depression and sometimes I just can’t feel anymore. He helps me through it. What you need is someone to depend on. Someone to be your rock. Now I’m not saying you won’t feel like dying sometimes, but I am saying that it will be rare when you do. Adan helped me and now I am on the road to making myself better and to feel better. Find your rock. 

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unbiasedman (5) (@AndrewSmandrew) 5 years, 7 months ago ago

I find comfort in knowing that I can do anything I would like to. I could set fire to buildings or take a life, that mere possibility is exciting. The fact that, contrary to popular belief, there is no set path in life, that you may pioneer all that Earth has to offer is invigorating.

However, I am a good person who enjoys seeing people smile and connect. Life is short and understanding this is quintessential to feeling purposeful and fulfilled. We are primates briefly wandering a world with ambiguous rules and blurry borders. So, enjoy the time we have on this world by feeling your way across continents. By making others smile and involuntarily smiling yourself, inside and out. 

Forging your own path, carefully elevating yourself above law, grants you immense perspective, alleviating the caged feeling society tends to implement on free thinkers. Be yourself, explore and free yourself of shackles that you’ve mentally clasped onto yourself. Live free my friend. That light will show shine again indefinitely.  

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BitterOldMan (17) (@BitterOldMan) 5 years, 7 months ago ago

When I feel stuck in a rot, I go travel somewhere for a while, doesn’t have to be expensive and it doesn’t have long. Just came home from spending 9 days in Bavaria with a friend staying at his parents place. Now I feel my spirit have lifted a bit and that I can go on again for a while. New input = new output. Just my opinionated shit :-)

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sayantan (0) (@sayantan) 5 years, 7 months ago ago

i guess i can relate to what you are saying. I have been through these phase myself. But contributing to someone else’s life or contribution for a cause isn’t a solution. At least for me. Only i can share my subjective experience with you. I used to think in that same way. But i tried to analyse myself more and more. And i understood that it’s a purpose that I am lacking in my life. A solid purpose by which i Can live. whereas I cant live through means of some regular job or meaningless relationships that other people can endure. So finding a real work I guess in this case a creative work like writing Or music would be the best one. 

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Vincent (0) (@Vincent-Carre) 5 years, 7 months ago ago

Talk to a therpist, i have and i found it changed my life drastically for the best. They don’t really try to change you. But they do improve the light you see the world in. I now see it in a more positive light and i see myself there as well. Creating happiness. 

I was a meth abuser and a problem drinker. Now im content with two beers and no meth. And for the first time in my life i love who i am.

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Groovadelic (0) (@Groovadelic) 5 years, 7 months ago ago

Whatever it is you know you’re into & gets you excited is what you should keep digging in to. There’s positive & negative & in your case negativity is taking over. Shifting your perspective & thinking clear, positive thoughts about life & of positive ways to better your situations is helpful, but what will catapult you into feeling different would be to actually DO something about it. You must take action & better yourself, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, creatively .. etc. No one is going to do it for you, you MUST do it yourself. It’s not that you’re a “bitch to commit suicide,” you just know better. You have a strong mind, enough to not let you suicide, i know cause i have felt the same way but my inner being just won’t let me.

Just be true to yourself in whatever you do & rise above different expectations you have on yourself.

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CaptainSparklez (0) (@JordanMaron) 5 years, 6 months ago ago

sooooo

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sandy (15) (@sandytorna) 5 years, 6 months ago ago

Hey man, hang in there! Your post reminded me of the Author (Eckhart Tolle)’s introduction to the book The Power Of Now, particularly your line that says, “I hate who I am.” Within the introduction, Tolle discusses the origin of the book and how he came to be the spiritual teacher he currently is. Yada…yada..yada.. one night in midst depression, it reads: [“I cannot live with myself any longer.” This was the thought that kept repeating itself in my mind. Then suddenly I became aware of what a peculiar thought it was. “Am I one or two? If I cannot live with myself, there must be two of me: the ‘I’ and the ‘self’ that ‘I’ cannot live with.] After this profound realization, Tolle killed off PARTS of himself. He killed off his DEPRESSION. From that day on he became a different person; a person he LOVED, a person HE CREATED. I think this could be beneficial advice for you. Kill the parts you hate. Leave them behind. Empty yourself…completely. This way you can be refilled with fresh new tenacity and FIRE for life. You can recreate yourself all together. Wish you the best of luck in your new beginnings!

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Jordan Bates (4,684)A (@bashfulkoala) 5 years, 6 months ago ago

What do you hate about yourself that isn’t inside every other human? Whatever you hate about yourself, it’s just part of your human self. If it’s shit you can change, change it. If it’s shit you can’t change, it’s beyond your control. Accept that sometimes living means feeling dark, seemingly shitty emotions. If you don’t resist these emotions, they stop seeming so overbearing and unmanageable. Easier said than done for sure. It’s not about “waking up” and reaching a place of perpetual bliss where you don’t even remember what depression is. It’s about accepting the inevitable ebb and flow of internal states and appreciating the various parts of the spectrum for what they are. When the joy is there, taste it. When the suffering is there, sit with it. There is a certain beauty in all of these states. And goddamn it we get to experience something. And it doesn’t last very long. Enjoy this chance to experience an extraordinary range of somethings. 

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sandy (15) (@sandytorna) 5 years, 6 months ago ago

Welcome to the HUMAN EXPERIENCE [email protected](

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Boon Ingrid (0) (@VeniceMentor) 5 years, 6 months ago ago

“Where do I strike a point in my life where I start taking responsibility for myself?” No, time better than the present. 

But I hate who I am.” Why? Do you know why you hate yourself? Have you turned your eyes inward to truly see yourself – or are you using the eyes of another? 

“I have ideals for myself, I’d like to really help people and turn my life into a great situation.”  Sounds like a contradiction. You are 25 years old – you are still young, so emotional.

Consider this, my young friend – this is something for you to think about as you motor your way around, consider world events, voice your opinion and parse out your judgement.

Please keep in mind that this is only my opinion in response to your query. 

You first have to understand that the entire brain is not fully formed until the mid 20’s. Adults make decisions from the prefrontal cortex. The part of the frontal lobe that processes logic and a higher order thinking. Children, teens, young people, make decisions from the amygdala, an emotion centre in the limbic system.  There is not logic only emotion.

Think about and consider this – chop wood, carry water, love, acquire wisdom, mentor and dance in the light, but only after you have experienced some darkness. 

You stated, I’m trying to experience a renaissance of soul but it isn’t happening on its own.”  It never does, as you are not living in a vacuum.

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Zaddirak (22) (@Zaddirak) 5 years, 7 months ago ago

Haha, sure thing dude.

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