I’ll start off by saying I’m extremely shy and socially awkward but I am feeling very brave today so I will do my best to explain how I’m feeling:
I’m at this dark point in my life where I feel like I don’t even know who I am anymore.
I’m tired of being depressed and trying to live up to my families expectations.
I’m on a mission to finally be at one with myself.
And for some reason the thought of doing this alone scares me…
Maybe its because I’m longing for a true friendship, its something that I have been lacking for so long
I just want to experience nature and life with great people!
If you’re interested feel free to contact me!
Note, that I am in the san diego area, and I do smoke mj
I don’t care if you smoke or not, I just know that most of the people in my life really care so I’m just being safe.
I have dealt with major depression for the past 2 years ( roughly ) and during that time have attempted suicide. I have always been introverted and extremely spiritual. I eventually realized that we are all essentially the same thing, and that is human. That’s who you really are, but I think you mean what you want to do with your life. In that case, you can be whatever you want to be. Choose something you’re good at and enjoy doing and dedicate your life to that. It’s not easy to find something like that and dedicate your life to it, but if you want to be successful then that is something that must happen. And it can even be something like becoming a buddhist monk and dedicating your life to introspection.
If it’s friendship you want, then throw yourself out into the world and find people that you share common interests with ( as hard as that is to do ) I have only a couple of friends that I have known since childhood, and we rarely talk. Besides that I have no friends besides my family. I have decided that it’s no use beating myself up over it, so I accept who I am ( Mister Introverted ) and I make the most of what I have now. I am going to college to get my Phd in neuroscience. If that doesn’t work out, O well, it’s worth the try.
You just have to realize that if you want something out of life, you have to deserve it, you have to work for it. It’s completely true that you reap what you sow. If you want to be at one with yourself, then dig deep in yourself with introspection and you will see who you are. Don’t tell yourself that you don’t know who you are or you will never know who you are. You have to search for who you are and believe that you will find it.
I smoke MJ too. I live in Colorado though. I’ve tried to quit smoking due to an OD on lsd, I kept having flashbacks every single time I smoked, but the flashbacks have begun to subside so i’ve started smoking once a week now. FYI, there is a chemical found in small amounts in most strains of MJ called CBD. I found a strain at a dispensary near my house that has 4% CBD in it. CBD is scientifically proven to help with many things including anxiety and depression. It also counteracts the negative effects of THC. You might want to look into it, it could help you with your social anxiety.
Don’t worry, if you want something out of life and invest time and strength into achieving it you will get what you want. Keep your head up.
You are a product of anoverbearing family. Although they may have your best interests at heart, you need to try to fly from the nest on your terms. I was living my life for my parents. Then I tried forging my own path within the path they wanted for me. I only became half of each. Not the person I wanted to be and only partially what they desired for me.
Unfortunately, (or not) they passed away within 4 years of each other, leaving me to my own desires… I was quite far along their chosen path by then, so I could merely salvage a partial life plan from that point.
“You can’t get what you want, til you know what you want.” – Joe Jackson
I am a happier person today, though. My plans were not fulfilled, but my attitude has changed. Life is an adventure. Failure IS an option. And we learn and grow wise from our mishaps…THAT’S KINDA THE POINT…. Be happy in your skin and all else tends to fall into place.
I think I get how you feel, my parents expect a lot from me and sometimes I feel like i’m suffocating. Maybe they want the best for me but I feel like i’m not getting to live the life that I want. If you ever need anyone to talk to just pm me and i’ll send you my facebook or skype.
Don’t worry things will get better!