Looks

 Ian (@ianderthick)5 years, 3 months ago

I feel like outer appearances are given way too much importance. But the thing that bothers me is I feel different depending on what I wear, or how I think I look. If I’m wearing something nice I’ll feel better that day and be a little more confident and relaxed. If im looking messy, or wearing a dirty t-shirt or something I feel sub-par sometimes. I was talking about it with my friends who were in a music video shoot and how one guy was wearing fake Lois V and like hollister, aka lame as hell supposedly…but why should it matter that much what ppl wear. Is it all in my head? Because I know I, and many people, dress to impress. Why does how we look shape how we feel about ourselves and others? Or does it?

July 20, 2013 at 9:29 am
Ben (2) (@nebmx) 5 years, 3 months ago ago

@ianderthick, Wow, this is pretty much EXACTLY what this last TEDtalks that I watched is about.

Check it out!

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Ian (4) (@ianderthick) 1 week, 2 days ago ago

seen it

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Faithflower (27) (@peacelove) 5 years, 3 months ago ago

@ianderthick, yeah it can influence but it is also because of the associations you have with that clothing. for example, people in eastern countries wear different clothing, but they also might like pretty clothing, not all people though, some people can feel like a million dollar in a simple outfit lol. but most people do tend to change their feelings, they feel prettier, succesful or smart when wearing certain clothing.

yeah i get emotionally influenced by clothing too. but there is a whole study how for example color induces certain moods, and also what color you wear. i read a study about prisoners wearing pink, and that color made them really pissed off, because all of their tough image was disappearing because of the pink.

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Ian (4) (@ianderthick) 1 week, 2 days ago ago

nice!

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emptyminded (68) (@thoughtless) 5 years, 3 months ago ago

not for me… i dont really care how i look to others as long as i smell good im ok.

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DaFunks (366)M (@Dafunks) 5 years, 3 months ago ago

@thoughtless, I was talking about this a few days ago with someone on here. I thin it is different for Women for some reason.

Me, I just try to look OK if I go out. I think many Men do not care much. I never look at a Man and think “Damn! I wish I looked like him” or “I wonder where he gets that look from?”. I respect people who look nice… I can see why people do it… But, apart from a nice looking T-shirt (Sheldon Cooper types), I have no interest in clothes.

I think some Women think us Men look for these things. Not only this! They want other Women to look at them and be impressed. Many women feel a pressure to look good for both men and women.

Me? I find women more attractive if they look natural. I found my ex more sexy in the morning when she woke up than when she slapped all her war-paint on her face.

Maybe some sort of rebellion is happening to men like me. We have all these fake women on TV that were sick of. I look at TV and these women and feel a bit sick. I also get turned off when I see a nice looking girl who has no personality. For me (Judgemental I know) I associate these fake looking women with a low IQ. All they care about is how they look and what TV/Movie star looks HOT at the moment.

Just do whatever makes YOU feel good. If all the clothes make you feel good… Do it. Never feel a pressure to wear things though. This can take you down a dark path that makes people depressed . I see it so much these days. It is a NEVER ending thing that just feeds the gravy train of fakery.

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Katie (32) (@lennui) 5 years, 3 months ago ago

@ianderthick, i feel like its not bad to judge based upon outer appearances, at least to an extent..i feel like often times our subconscious influences what we perceive as beautiful and can be trusted to guide us in a good direction. NOT ALWAYS THOUGH.. this is very important! some of the deadliest things are also the most captivating

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emma (193) (@emmaclaire) 5 years, 3 months ago ago

@dafunks, “Maybe some sort of rebellion is happening to men like me.” God I hope so.

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James (16) (@jameswzup) 5 years, 3 months ago ago

I agree, we are constantly told it’s whats inside that matters, yet the outside is a reflection of the inside. Someone who is lazy and lacks dedication may well end up being overweight. In that way, outer appearance can be almost a peep behind the [email protected]

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DaFunks (366)M (@Dafunks) 5 years, 3 months ago ago

@emmaclaire, It is. I see many men saying this. The BIG problem is finding a women like this… I have only found them at music festivals.

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emma (193) (@emmaclaire) 5 years, 3 months ago ago

@dafunks, Maybe you should shout it from the rooftops that women look better without boob jobs and makeup. Get the word out because I don’t think many people get it, haha.

I recently stopped wearing makeup. I never wore much at all. But it has been really liberating. It’s kind of a reflection of how I feel inside. I don’t really try to cover up my personality to other people, and I shouldn’t do it to my face either. It’s honest. And it makes me vulnerable. But it’s worth it.

Why, oh why don’t more HEthen/music festival-type people exist.

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DaFunks (366)M (@Dafunks) 5 years, 3 months ago ago

@emmaclaire, Much of these craze is perpetuated by only women. I know very few men who even like fake boobs or tons of make up. I think women read to many of these women mags. They also watch these shows which display fake as good. Maybe women idolise other women more? I am not 100% sure what it is. I know it is not men though. Maybe these fake women get more “men” because they are more easy? I think so. When I go out clubbing (Not much any more) it seems that the fake women lack a lot of confidence so use the fake stuff to cover it up. They take any man showing them interest.

Women who are confident with how they look do not need to.

Just because a man picks a girl who is easy does not show he respects her… She is just a easy lay. I think this then keeps the circle going.

I am THANKFUL to see a women saying this. So many women say they wish they could be like it.. But they never do it.

How does it feel to be you? I always find the concept of putting paint on your face to look different strange. Its like this paint becomes the person… Women are ashamed of how they really look and do not relate it to the real them. The mask is them… Not the real face.

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bmarie (25) (@bmarie) 5 years, 3 months ago ago

@ianderthick, I don’t care what I look like to other people, I just care how I look to myself. I wear makeup, every single day. I don’t feel productive if I haven’t gotten dressed and put effort into my look. I really can’t even clean my room or do work or whatever if I’m in my pajamas or just like “bum” type clothing. And I don’t do it to make people look at me differently or anything, at least not consciously. It’s just how clothing and makeup makes me feel, like you said in the first post. My skin has had very bad acne recently, so I wear more makeup that I usually do because I don’t like seeing the spots, not because I’m worried someone will think I’m ugly because of them. I dress how I want to, I do my makeup how I want to, and I just do what I want to. Other people’s opinions don’t really guide me. If my skin is clear one day and I feel like I like how I look without makeup, I won’t wear any. I get all ready for my day even if I’m going to be sitting alone in my room all day or just hanging around because it makes me feel ready and more energized, I guess.

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DaFunks (366)M (@Dafunks) 5 years, 3 months ago ago

@bmarie, If it makes you feel good then do it. Do you wonder if maybe the make up is part of the reason for the bad skin? Just think of all the things your skin is missing by having it covered in paint? the air and sun is good for the skin.

On a side not (This is on my mind since my friend told me). My friend had bad acne and he found a cure for it. He cleans his FACE with his OWN urine.

WTF. He swears by it… and it looks like it is working…

Anyway. sorry for going off topic.

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bmarie (25) (@bmarie) 5 years, 3 months ago ago

@dafunks, Nah, I’m pretty sure it’s just a hormonal thing. I’ve been wearing the same brand and types of makeup for five years and the skin problems just started happening recently. So I feel it’s more of a hormonal and eating bad kind of thing… haha. I do air it out though! I can usually get by with just a tinted moisturizer or something d:

And oh my gosh. That’s, uh… interesting, haha. But I feel like I’ve heard urine has a lot of benefits. I don’t think I’d ever become that desperate though… d;

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emma (193) (@emmaclaire) 5 years, 3 months ago ago

@dafunks, I think it is perpetuated by women who are under the false assumption that men like it, honestly. I also think women get jealous when they see other women who look better than them… it is why refusing to buy into it makes you vulnerable. Because people can actually see your imperfections.

How does it feel to be me? Haha, woah. Big question there ;) Yeah I think the concept of painting your face on is strange too. But then again I find a lot of things strange. For some reason it’s just our culture. Women have been seen as objects in the past and still are today in some parts of the world.

I think it takes a lot of self-respect to accept yourself the way you are. I honestly think most women have really low self-esteem. If you can’t accept who you look at in the mirror without any hair dye, makeup or fake tan then you’re not accepting yourself. Period.

Unfortunately, it takes a lot more guts to look at what’s inside when it’s not painted up for the world than what’s outside… and yet women find it hard to step outside of the house without warping their outer appearance in some way. Being comfortable with my natural outer appearance has been one small step in accepting myself as a whole.

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aschirrick (0) (@aschirrick) 3 years ago ago

I am very inspired by what you say. to summarize how it resonates with me I never really like makeup all that much either but there’s just SOO MUCH PRESSURE to wear it and buy new clothes and get a fake tan. About a year ago I had an existential crisis and dropped out of college to go work on a farm in Hawaii, that was the turning point for me to stop suppressing my authentic feelings in order to keep within my comfort zone. I am still struggling to get past this part of my self acceptance tho. In the summers in a wild land fire fighter so I work with all men every day and obviously don’t wear any make up or do my hair and I feel great however after summer when I go to my waitressing job I feel like j absolutely cannot show up without a painted face and I’ve just recently been looking into dying my hair and tanning and I’m in here like WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!! It’s just so scary to take the step and I find it hardest for myself when I visit my friends in the city and they are totally into their own outer appearance so I feel like they’re also measuring my value off of my beauty and possessions. 

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DaFunks (366)M (@Dafunks) 5 years, 3 months ago ago

@bmarie, You do whatever makes you happy. Just try to start thinking about why you do it. Many women do not really know… or are in denial about why they do it.

@emmaclaire, I love that. I think if I was a women I would get a high out of doing it. just saying “Screw these rules. This is me! And what?!”

Many Indian women I know do not wear make up (I don’t think so anyway) and they look stunning. I think you are correct. It is a culture thing. It has got much worse the past 15 years though.

It must be scary for some guys. Bring a girl back and you wake up next to a complete different person…

I think Chris Rock sums it up GREAT! (Stick with it. He gets to the point)

You really do give me hope. I feel sort of proud of you :)

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bmarie (25) (@bmarie) 5 years, 3 months ago ago

@emmaclaire, I respect you a lot. Reading what you just wrote make me think a lot about what I do and I think my wearing makeup is probably more related to how other people perceive me than I am fully conscious of. And thinking more about it, you are totally right. I don’t think I’ve ever really given myself the chance to be completely natural. I don’t think I look as good and that doesn’t make me feel as good to myself, but that is most likely because somewhere inside of me, I feel like I have to look a certain way to be able to feel good about myself, if that makes sense? I really do admire people who don’t wear makeup. So I think I’m going to try to step outside of my own comfort zone, probably very slowly. But I do feel like it is necessary for me to think I can be productive and feel comfortable without getting all done up. Thanks for writing that! I just think I’m telling myself what I do isn’t based on outside forces so I feel like I’m okay, but it really is.

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Jose451 (0) (@Jose451) 5 years, 3 months ago ago

@emmaclaire, Good for you on stop wearing make up, the most attractive people are the ones that accept and love themselves. I’m going bald at the moment and it does have an impact on self esteem, but accepting it makes me look deeper inside to find more value through my actions, ideals and morals. It must be terribly sad for people that can only offer their looks to someone else.

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Ian (4) (@ianderthick) 5 years, 3 months ago ago

Wow people!! This is why I love this website. Brilliant answers and discussions going on. Personally I love women with little to no makeup and many ladies wear too much…its all about balance. But how I dress definately affects how I feel about myself…realizing that is def important.

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DaFunks (366)M (@Dafunks) 5 years, 3 months ago ago

@jose451, I am the same. I shave my head now.

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emptyminded (68) (@thoughtless) 5 years, 3 months ago ago

@dafunks, dwl… i felt what you were saying as if i had said it all my life. just a simple clean look and your ok.

p.s “consumerism makes people so fucked up”

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John “Avy” (57) (@Avernus) 5 years, 3 months ago ago

I notice this a lot with women especially, its sad that culture has this one image of beauty and almost every girl seems to strive towards it. laaame

If you don’t “feel good” because you aren’t wearing your makeup or wearing certain clothes, these is probably insecurity there and you may not even be conscious of it. Sure you can go out not dressed the best and casually say “I look like poo” but that’s not really how you should feel.

As a guy I’m not extremely concerned with my appearance but I like to look presentable on a daily basis. clean. shaved. I do become self conscious though if I notice any BO coming from me, makes me feel gross even though I know it shouldn’t.

Culture embedding people with all these fucked up ideas on how to be “beautiful.”
protip: If you want to be beautiful, be yourself.

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Jose451 (0) (@Jose451) 5 years, 3 months ago ago

How many interesting intelligent women we have not met because of their looks.

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Mark (11) (@wailingmoonman) 5 years, 3 months ago ago

I always appreciate a woman’s appearance more when I can notice her natural beauty. I work with several women who wear no make-up other than mascara, and it’s just so…refreshing.Of course, I fully support anyone who wants to wear make-up; it’s your body, your emotions, at the end of the day.

As for the OP’s questions: I sometimes feel 5% more badass when I wear my leather jacket + hoodie combo.

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emma (193) (@emmaclaire) 5 years, 3 months ago ago

@dafunks, Fake beauty has gotten worse in the past 15 years from what it had been in the previous few decades. But honestly in a lot of ancient civilizations women had next to no power. The only power they had was their beauty, basically. The only power they had over men was sex. Also makeup and perfume were reserved for the elite so it was a sign of status. It has been going on forever. But nowadays with hair extensions and hair dye and boob jobs and nose jobs, women look more like barbie dolls than actual humans. It’s sick. I think you’re right, these women get artificial attention and it keeps the cycle going.

@bmarie, I’m glad my post got you thinking :) I never wore much makeup at all, just mascara and foundation, but I’ve been doing that since I was 13 so it was hard for me. One day I woke up and looked in the mirror and was like, “hey! I look fine. Plus who am I trying to impress anyway?” And it just clicked. I have worn it a few times since, on special occasions. The idea is to be COMFORTABLE with yourself without it. To not be dependent on it for confidence. I would say gradual is best. I don’t know how much you normally wear but try wearing a little less every day or not wearing any on the days you feel confident. If you do it gradually it will be easy. Love yourself, I’m sure you’re absolutely stunning without it :)

@jose451, Thank you. I agree.

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