Hey beautiful minds!
I’m looking for advice and hope that some of you can share your experience with me:
Sometimes I absolutely love people. I want to compliment them, see how they work, make them smile, laugh, and see them succeed. When I’m like this, the world is an awesome playground open to me, and I’m not really afraid of anything.
However, most of the time… I feel kind of “caged” in…. boredom? To put it frankly: If I’m going to a party like this, all the social interactions will be forced and I don’t feel like I’m providing much value, socially. What I really want to do is produce something of value for me and my life (and others, by that) by myself.
So I feel like I jump from introvert to extrovert on an hourly basis.
I’m frustrated, because I can be super motivated one day to meet and talk to and LOVE everyone so I plan a party with everyone, but then when the party comes, my mood can have changed to total introvert.
Wowee is this relateable. i can be perceived as very extroverted (like last week, when I got up and sang/danced onstage rather that simply playing rhythm guitar) and I can be totally and utterly solitary (like when i eschew close family and friends to work on art alone for hours.) the party scenario that you described is dead-on; some gatherings, i feel like i have palstered-on a smiley face and my laughter is not authentic; while at others, with the right people, i feel genuinely joyous and like i have ‘my spot in the world’ going on. at the dismal-to-me gatherings, i will count the minutes until it’s polite to leave and picture what creative stuff i could be doing at home alone. onstage, i love it and relish it and don’t want it to end and sing loudly and look people in the eye and even have started interacting with audience members. as a ‘shy kid,’ this was utterly unthinkable up until the last year or so. which leads me to ask… maybe the troubles that you are having is not always being around people… but they could be in the way that you have to interact with them…? like, if i am performing, it’s rad; if i have to sita t a bar with a stranger, it can be utter misery and i would rather skedaddle outside and smoke or go to the moon or be on the toilet rather than spend another minute doing that (unless we hit it off; those occasions honestly always seem to be with people who have similar ways of feeling comfortable in those situations as me. gregarious people out-talk me, and overly quiet people always make me feel like i am being a prying stressor by talking to them.) just a thought…