Every time I face unrequited love, every advice has to do with ‘loving myself’.
So Yes, I get the importance,
I have no clue in the way of loving myself.
Have you ever had any kind of experience?
Most of that stuff like like you’re not supposed to have your emotional needs met by the external world of people and things is new age bullshit. This is an interdependent universe.
You just have to be autonomous enough to know what your needs are, that you are worthy of having them met, and not take it personally when people don’t show you the love you need. You can love your self by believing in your beauty and purpose and going towards the contacts and challenges that honor it.
I think that’s one of the things Angelica was trying to say. She said this is an “inTERdependent universe”, meaning things don’t exist independently – everything depends on something else at least a little bit. So it’s completely natural for you to seek social contact, since the world is a social place as you said.
I think Angelica was trying to say that you need a certain degree of autonomy – of independence – so you can stand on your own two feet. You need to be able to seek what you need, like social or romantic contact – AND be able to stand strong when you’re rejected. Both are important.
A quote related to this I saw recently that I really liked was “Confidence isn’t about knowing you won’t be rejected. It’s about knowing you’ll be okay whether you’re accepted or not”.
Hope that helps at least clarify Anjelica’s post a lil bit. Maybe I’ll come back to make my own post. Good luck
Ben @ http://www.syntropulse.com
Consider your mind consisting of two elements, Your consciousness and your brain – loving yourself is, to me, about using that consciousness to provide love, understanding and support to your brain.. So whenever your brain start triggering negative thoughts (probably as a result of another thought or situation) then be your brain’s parent, comfort “yourself”, love “yourself” by thinking consciously compassionate thoughts like “It’s okay”, “I understand why your saying/feeling these things, but you’re good enough as you are, we try our best”, “I accept myself as I am in this given moment”, etc., etc.. With time your brain / subconscience will learn to love and accept itself not triggering these negative thought-spirals.. So basically use your consciousness to provide love for yourself :-)
For me this approach has brought wonders, from all my previous negative retroperspective analysis about how I acted, etc. etc. now the difference is very obvious to me in how much better I’ve become to accept myself, how much less “chatter” there’s going on in my head..Knowing that I’m always trying to be good and acting out of love in any given situation – and when I find that I haven’t been doing my best or falling into the old habits of being defensive and stuff like that, I still analyze the situation and try to encourage myself/my brain/subconscience to extract a learning from the situtation, release the situation and continue without ‘nagging’ myself about it once I feel I’ve wrapped my head around it..
So to sum it up, let your consciousness be a loving parent for “yourself”, listen, reflect, extract, conclude and comfort with learning and acceptance; love yourself :-)
Just simply going out and buying you new clothes or getting you some ice cream can show that you are loving yourself. Splerge on youself. Look in the mirror and be all like, “Damn, look at you lookin’ great today”. Stare at yourself until you start to realize that person is you. Only you. And nobody else can be you.
Right now, to me loving myself is talking nicely to myself. So far this has been WAY easier said than done.
I’ve only recently started noticing what I’ve been telling myself and its been a shock of how mean I am to myself, especially when little things go wrong. Like I got a D on a test last week and I told myself “Keep this up and no university will ever accept you”. Two days ago a dress I thought was my size didn’t fit right when I tried it on and I told myself that I didn’t deserve dinner and these examples aren’t the meanest I get. So for me self love means correcting that self dialogue and telling myself to study harder for the next test because I know I can get a B and when a piece of clothing doesn’t fit, I tell myself, “No. I deserve to be healthy, its okay to need the next size up.” and its really a work in progress. I think it is for everyone.
It easy to fall into hating yourself and putting yourself down and being down right emotionally abusive to yourself, but self-love is about being kind to yourself and taking care of yourself in every aspect, from eating well, to drinking enough water, to brushing and flossing everyday and most importantly (for me at least) to building yourself back up when you’re having an off day instead of kicking yourself when you’re down. That’s what self love is to me anyways.
There’s actually a whole field to this, it’s called neuro-linguistic-programming. There’s an older article somewhere here on HE about it, I’m sure if you did a quick search you could find it.
When I was in college I applied this to my “shoulds” and “needs”. I noticed that a lot of the inner dialogue in my mind that stressed me out involved things I “need to do” or “should do”.
I made a commitment to looking out for when I caught my mind saying “should” or “need”. If either of those words came up in my stream of consciousness, I would take time to replace whatever I was saying with a new phrase that stressed me out less and was more realistic.
Sometimes I found myself saying “I really need to get that paper done”. I would have that thought during a walk to the bus, or while I was in class, or engaged in some other activity during which doing that paper would be impossible. I would stop and say to myself “I will write that paper, and I will write it Saturday after lunch when I have all that free time”. Other times I’d think “I should hang out that person soon, we haven’t been able to for a while”. I’d replace that with “I will hang out with that person eventually, when the time comes.”
Or maybe I would realize that the thing I “should” or “need” to do was really unnecessary, and I could tell myself that it’s useless to worry about that right now. Worrying doesn’t get it done, so let’s redirect my thoughts.
Anyways, I got a lot out of doing that, and I’d be interested in applying mindfulness of self-talk to another aspect of my inner narrative. I’m glad you’re working on it, it’s a good approach to use :)
It’s one thing to accept your flaws, and realizing you are beautiful and whole. It’s another thing to pretend your perfect. That’s what narcissist do. They ignore their flaws and live in a delusion that they are perfect. Narcissicism= No Good, Your Advice= Narcissism, Your Advice=No Good
You should not love yourself in order for someone else to love you. You should love yourself because you are worth loving. With that in mind hypnosis is a really fast way to achieve results, stumbled upon some audio file years ago, don’t have it anymore though. Sorry