Sometimes I feel like I don’t have the emotional and social energy that’s required of me. Wondering if anyone else feels this way as an introvert being energetically spread too thin. Do you have any tips or tricks to share?
Great topic to discuss. I am in the exact same position as you, being an introvert at age 21. Especially since I work in the food industry serving and bartending. It is a MENTAL WORKOUT everyday as well as physical. The main reason why I chose to be a server was because I am an introvert naturally and wanted to challenge myself on being a more well-round, social individual.
I’d also like to know tips on this, but for me, it is when I am at my best when i’m self aware of my own body and emotions/feelings. I often ask myself, “How am I feeling right now?” “Am I acting through my own intentions or on what other people think of me.” I try to GO and EMBRACE and FLOW with whatever I am feeling at the moment. If I come to work feeling down or tired. I will not go against that feeling but rather embrace it and thats when the state of flow comes into play and I naturally get more into my body and less in my head. I notice when I’m in my head, I get very very exhausted by the end of the night.
Listen more. Introverts are more so stuck inside their heads and thinking about the next thing to say. Rather give the individual whom you’re speaking to your honest and undivided attention and BE in the moment. Relax.
Also feeling good in your own body will help tremendously. Being on your purpose/Exercising/Stretching/DEEP BREATHING, etc. will all help with this. Law of state transference. Whatever you feel, they feel.
Let me know more in detail what you’re talking about but thats just my .02 cents :)
A fellow 21 year old introvert! :)
The self awareness that you’re talking about is exactly the kind of tip I was looking for. When I start to get stressed I try and talk myself out of it in my head, I never thought of embracing it. I’ll say “What the hell are you angry about right now? Stop.” And it never works. And from what you said, if I think about it- you’re right, its not going with a flow at all. And it’s probably not being very respectful of my own emotions.
Over the last few years, I feel like I will go to work and spend all my energy, then go home and sleep, then go back to work and spend it again. Then if I have time off, I notice that I can’t get myself to enjoy not working because I’m either emotionally processing the work week, worrying about going back to work, too tired to do anything that’s spiritually beneficial, or just plain grumpy. I feel stuck in this cycle, like i don’t have enough time to actually relax. But then when I do have some time, I can’t seem to relax at all.
What you’re saying about being in your body instead of your head really resonates with me. I need to teach myself how to do that.
I spent so much energy battling these same issues in my youth, well into my teens, 20’s and even 30’s. Now i am 40 and finally I can see it was the perception of myself, thinking, thinking, thinking and my willingness to want to please others and be accepted by the social circles of often erratic, high energy external types.
By not following my true nature this caused me allot of self loathing, regret and fatigue. In my true nature there is simply, nothing wrong with me at all. Be who you are, do what you would rather be doing and in this way your true nature will shine thru. Its up to others to get to know you, to accept you for the amazing person you are. Take some time to be in nature, nurture slowly, take time to know yourself deeply. Float ;)
“To have faith is to trust yourself to the water. When you swim you don’t grab hold of the water, because if you do you will sink and drown. Instead you relax, and float.”
― Alan W. Watts
This is wonderful news to me :) When I think about where my energy spending is going I think of the stress of meeting people’s expectations and desires. Even seeing how many people responded to this discussion- I feel so happy and excited but also automatically felt a little stressed wanting to make sure everyone knew I was so stoked they replied and appreciated their feedback. You’re completely right, I think the solution is to learn how to just be and to stop overthinking.
I had 2 jobs and was working overtime every week for a period of 6 months. These jobs required me to talk to people in person and on the phone, often all day long. It doesn’t sound like a big deal to some people (and probably wouldn’t be for them) but it was fucking exhausting for me.
I maintained my sanity by making sure I had plenty of time to myself in between work shifts, I wrote a lot, played guitar, corresponded with people online, and made sure to thoroughly enjoy my days off. It wasn’t so bad (with the exception of a couple of particularly stressful work shifts) because I knew it was temporary and for a specific goal. So if you don’t have either a goal in mind or a date that you know you can be done or change to something else, that might be worth thinking about.
That’s a great point- to have a goal and to put a time limit on the temporary job.
2 jobs sounds crazy! I’m struggling with just one, I can’t imagine how exhausting that was. It gives me lots of hope to know that an energetically similar person made it through something much harder.
It’s incredible how much a specific goal or even just a future date for being done with something can change your relationship to the obligation. I do not miss those times at all but they did show me that I’m a lot more resilient and tough than I thought. I think this will do the same for you. :)
Spread too thin for what? How is that energy required of you?
I find this interesting because I’m also quite introverted, with lower than average social energy and low emotional energy. On the other hand my mental energy is sky high, and my physical energy is higher than average. I don’t see it as a problem, it’s just a way of being.
If your professional and social settings don’t match your innate characteristics, doesn’t it make more sense to change the former rather than the latter?
Is it better to carve the peg to fit the wrong whole, or just fit the peg in a different hole as intended?
Spread too thin for life tasks in general. Like getting home after work and realizing there are five other things to take care of but feeling completely drained, and not physically. Or being invited to a social event and knowing you won’t have enough energy for it when the time comes, but feeling that way all the time.
Regarding your energy levels- it’s so interesting to me that you say that you don’t see it as a bad thing. First because (and I don’t know if this is why you said that at all) in my original post I didn’t even realize if I was illustrating being introverted as a bad thing but I totally see it that way. Not completely, but I’ve been treating it as a burden or a nuisance. And second because I sincerely admire that perspective.
It completely makes more sense to change the latter. I’m not in a place to be able to do that currently, but hopefully soon.
I long for your mindset of acceptance. I have a long way to go and a lot to learn.
Yeah I know that feeling of feeling too drained to do simple things. It’s like certain kinds of stress make me really lazy, and I’m not a lazy person by nature.
I don’t understand why so many introverts see their introversion as a problem. Just like people who are unhappy with what race they are, or how much they think, or things like that. It’s irrational self-loathing. Negativity.
There are pros and cons to all types of humans. We’re not all the same, and that’s a great thing. I don’t think an introvert can really find fulfilment in the extroverted domain. Only through cultivating and refining their introverted nature. Which often leads to much more compatibility with the extroverted life.
I think in the end every refined mind is, under decent conditions, more or less ambivert. But still leaning in either direction.
I don’t think there are good or bad situations for changing professional or social arrangements, I used to think that way and so I never did anything about it and it wore me out.
The “easy” normal way of life, despite the low risk level, is often the most stressful one.
Ive felt this way often. I helped my self when I started following my energy instead of trying to pull against it. Most of those energetic obligations are not obligations. You can have your own priorities, and if they don’t naturally include these things you feel drained about be brave enough to go your own way. You don’t have to smile at people on the street. Make your external world something that suits your internal world. In actuality it always will be. It sounds like you are being unreceptive to your self so your outer world is chaotic. Im actually pretty good at talking with people and managing a lot of people’s emotional needs but I feel like a zombie if I have to be around people that don’t share my values. Like I will feel anemic and not know how I can get through the day if there is a bunch of stuff I don’t agree with going on around me.