Me?

Anonymous (@) 8 years, 9 months ago

I don’t want this to turn into some attention whore post, it’s not like I’m trying to achieve something. I just, don’t know, had an urge to post this.

English is not my native language, so expect some retarded parts, descriptions, and I probably sound like an asshole.

So ..

– I’m 17 (soon to be 18). Finishing high school. My family is normal, everything is normal, except me? I’m fucking bored. Or boring? I’m not depressed, neither I’m happy. I’m average in school. I can do a lot better, but I’m lazy, so (I think to myself), fuck it. It will affect my future? (hmmm..) Don’t care. What do I want? I don’t know. Am I an asshole? Probably. I’ve read more books written in english than in my native language. I think my english is not so bad. I wasn’t even trying to learn it. It just happened – movies, books, games, TV. I hate my native language. Actually I hate a lot of stuff. Like, people. I know a lot of people, it’s not like I have anxiety or something, but I hate being around them. But not in an angry way, I just don’t give a fuck about them. Not giving a fuck? – That’s what I’m known for. Why? I have no idea. Probably because I forced myself to not give a fuck, and now I’m just ‘that guy who does not give a shit about anything’. But I wouldn’t say I completely don’t give a fuck. I like learning. But learning about random stuff, not school stuff. I force myself to read books, because I hate feeling stupid, but at the same time I don’t give a fuck because I’m assured I’m not stupid. I don’t even think about my future. I know I can’t do shit with high school diploma, but I still don’t know where am I going to be after I graduate. My parents will probably force me to go to college, but I don’t want them paying for it because I know later I’m going to feel like I owe them, and I don’t want that. By the way, I live in a shitty country where the school system is fucked up and there’s no loans and stuff, and we literally don’t do nothing at school. Our teachers are either drunk, or not showing up. And those who show up are like ‘teaching? fuck that’. Not that it bothers me, they wouldn’t have taught us shit anyway, cause you know, I live in a retarded country. Hmmm .. I like heavy metal. I watched probably more movies and TV shows than my entire class. I don’t really believe in god, and if someone tries to give me shit about that, I have hundreds of arguments prepared in my head, just in case. Not that I’m one of those pushy asshole atheists, it’s just fun arguing with dumb people. I don’t even think I’m an atheist. I just don’t know. I earned a lot of money designing logos, logotypes and stuff, but I hate doing that, cause you know, I’m lazy. ”Find a girlfriend”, everyone says. I’m average looking, self-confident and shit, but fuck that. The city I live in has probably got the largest amount of mentally retarded girls. Fuck them, and fuck that. Never in my life have I thought about killing myself, or something like that. I’m just bored. I think I wrote this because I can’t talk to my friends about this stuff, cause they are probably the same, lost, fucked up, teen cliché like me.

October 30, 2013 at 10:57 am
Naïm (2) (@nr.friskin) 8 years, 9 months ago ago

@hesher,

I too am 17, and I’ve been there. I sincerely hope this helps.

You ask the question : “me ?”. Well, my answer would be : “there is no you”. Recognize your belonging to a greater whole. This is the key to going through any experience of life with a neutral point of view and a state of inner peace and constant happiness.
Life is so short and there’s so much to do… My advice is we make the most out of it. Explore. Smile. Give yourself to others. Love. (Take shrooms !)
I recently discovered a really helpful tool, called Philosopher’s Notes : http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLj3yWdMwimwmSz4DXwtJkCeQ958RHnOfj. It personnaly helps me a lot living a high existence, so I definitely recommand you check these out.
And always remember you’re an amazing part of an amazing whole. So enjoy yourself, enjoy the ride ! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7uMGH3kHhzM ♥)

Have a wonderful day. Love :)

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Kello (83) (@Kello) 8 years, 9 months ago ago

I’ll just post the answer I gave you in PM here in case it might be useful to a random stranger having the same problem and stumbling upon this topic.

Don’t force yourself to be anybody, don’t believe that you should be something particular and don’t feel bad if you see that you aren’t. Accept the fact that you’re only defined by change, movement, variations, and be happy with that knowledge.

I’m not saying that you should surrender to your parents and consider that you’ll just never be the ”rockstar” you wanted to be, just trust your feelings and do what you want according to that, be aware of what you are but let it flow without trying to fight it. Being honest with yourself and trusting your feelings will naturally guide you to where you want to be.

The monk and rockstar states aren’t that different actually, so try to explain your rockstar side to your parents but with monk words. I don’t know if this makes sense. Try to explain that you’re living your rockstar side like a monk if it reassures them, earn some trust, make them realize that you aren’t stupid nor mad so that even when you’re doing seemingly stupid or mad things, they know just like you that you’re in control and you know what you’re doing, you’re in charge of your life, it’s ok, and that should be clear.

I know I sound like a parent saying this (I’m not used to it), but they only want your good, and that’s what you want too (even when you seek it through moments of madness), so try to make them understand that, but do it soflty if you don’t want to get them to believe that you’re completely out of your mind. I don’t know what are your parents like, but I do have to lie sometimes (avoid this as much as possible, it sucks and you feel horrible after doing it), or at least not say everything. The best thing to do if you feel that it’s possible with your parents, is to have a completely honest conversation with them where you’ll say everything you want frankly and get it over with, but I know this is a risky gamble, as they may not receive it the way you wanted.

Yup, and that’s pretty much it. Also you seem to have understood that nothing really matters in this world, so feel free to do what feels good, be happy, quit being cynical and sarcastic, or don’t if you don’t want to, but don’t feel bad about it, don’t worry about what people think of you, go with the flow, enjoy, after all it’s just a ride.

EDIT : Okay I just noticed that all the parts of this reply aren’t relevant at all, with what you said here, but yeah, too late I guess haha…

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Anonymous (0) (@) 8 years, 9 months ago ago

I don’t know what to say, thanks everyone ..

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