That? Stay away from it. Yes, I know what it looks like. Also, do not activate camera equipment or your smartphone. It can detect them at a distance. Stay still. Don’t make any sudden moves. No, I am not joking. Yes, I know. Yes, I know. Shut up, it has already noticed us and we may not survive. Seriously. No. Seriously. Shut up. Yes, it looks just like the other sheep. I know. I know. No, stop talking. Shut up. Listen. Seriously. Just stop. We have to wait until it decides we are not worth its notice again. Well, hope it decides that I mean.
< an hour passes >
There. Damn. We got lucky that time. Alright. Don’t talk. Just listen. And look at what I show you.
See that thing what looks all bent up and burned like a stunted charcoal tree over there? That was someone what got the wise idea to try photograph the thing. That is what is left of them. Permanent, too. Don’t even know what it is. Harder than steel. Not ash. No one knows. Get me? That is all that is left and no one even knows what it is.
Don’t go near that thing. It looks just like a regular sheep, and it is. But it protects these other actual sheep from humans, lions, nuclear bombs, you name it. That is no sheep. It is some kind of bad ass lamb from an evil alternate universe and it has an attitude of no latitude for threats or disrespect of any kind. The thing is filled with — I don’t know what. A god? An angel? Some kind of superintelligent lightning-force? No one knows, and smart people do not speculate.
It can do anything. I mean anything. It could probably eat the moon if it had a mind. It is normally pretty calm, but don’t threaten it. Keep your distance and you might survive. Learn to recognize it. It has a little mark on the left ear that looks like an eye or something. It is different. You have to learn the ways yourself if you want to survive.
Don’t go near that thing. It looks just like a regular sheep, and it is. But it protects these other actual sheep from humans, lions, nuclear bombs, you name it. That is no sheep. It is some kind of bad ass lamb from an evil alternate universe and it has an attitude of no latitude for threats or disrespect of any kind. The thing is filled with — I don’t know what. A god? An angel? Some kind of superintelligent lightning-force. No one knows, and smart people do not speculate.
See those white things over there in a a pile? Those are the charred skeletal remains of things that tried to hurt these sheep it watches over. There is a sort of graveyard of idiots over there. Do not join them. Learn to recognize this thing. It is definitely »not a sheep. No one knows what it is. We don’t care. We stay the hell away from it, and its flock. Oh, yeah, one more thing. There is a legend that it talks to children. In the night. We don’t believe it. But I will tell you this. If we find them, we will do away with them. Fast, too. This thing is dangerous. It protects sheep. And it is unstoppable. You get me? Unstoppable. A mountain of fire would step aside for it politely. Bullets become squeamish in its vicinity and turn back on their marksmen with lethal effect. You sabby?
Someone saw it struck by lightning. It didn’t even blink. Afterwards, they said, it just licked its chops as if to savor some of the fairy-fire that languished there. Remember what I told you or you will be part of that pile. You and who knows what else is over there. Maybe even monsters in it. The sheep treat it like some kind of temple. No one can get close enough to see what kinds of bones and things are there. It is a small mountain. I think it is mostly people. Well, actually, it is mostly men and boys. Who decided it was nothing special. They found out. And anything else what thought likewise. And anything nearby, too.
That thing cannot be killed. It cannot even be bothered, let alone disturbed. Stay the [ redacted ] away from it, and learn to recognize it instantly… from now on.”
— They Warned Themselves This Way