How do you feel about it?
Do you feel like humans are by nature monogamous creatures, ready to and meant to mate for life? Or do you feel that we are instilled with the need to roam, and have multiple mates, never really settling for too long?
(I will post my opinion in a reply….)
What do you mean by “by nature”? Is that from an evolutionary psychology perspective or a spiritual one?
I’m asking because I don’t think that what humans are disposed to naturally is necessarily the most moral thing.
Oh, and as for your question … hmn. I want to say the freedom to choose between the different kinds, but that’s not really an answer either. Because of what I’ve been influenced by culturally, I’d tend toward monogamous marriages and open relationships otherwise?
By comparing to the animal kingdom multiple mates is another way of having greater power
So power hungry people will tend to multiple mates ( usually just sexual partners )
This make sense through evolution, more mates gives more reproduction.
Oddly some animals mate for life, though usually in harsher conditions which require a team effort to raise a child. Penguins for example mate for life. So i will argue that couples who live through difficult times together will mate for life while couples who have it easy will be bored and try to get multiple partners.
@bogdan, that makes…WONDERFUL sense. Birds tend to mate for life, actually, as an entire species. I’ve studied birds extensively over the years, and that is one thing that keeps coming up, that the bigger and smarter the bird, the more likely they are to mate for life.
Now with mammals, it runs the gamut….
…I think people are too individualized as a species to say whether we’re supposed to mate for life or not, and/or only have one mate instead of many. Some people date once, her married once, and are happy for the rest I’d their lives whereas others date a lot and marry many and are also happy with that. There are people in both categories who also end up unsatisfied. I think the differences between animals and humans, cognitive thought, make it so animals instinctually mate for life or don’t whereas humans have to think about what’s perfect for them. I think people should choose what they want out of romance for themselves, whether that be the exploration of multiple people or the comfort of one.
Polygamous usually. Its been proven by SCIENCE! haha. That’s why you hear of so many people cheating on their wives and why the divorce rate is so damn high. I won’t ever get married because then the woman i’m with can’t take mah shit. >__<
I think we are naturally inclined to be more monogamous because, even though polygamy can be fun, human feelings and emotions will always counteract. These emotions include greed, jealousy, lust, etc etc. I feel it’s impossible to be polygamous and everyone in the relationship be 100% to the max happy with the situation they’re in. One person will always be more loving, attractive, better in bed, happy, sad. It just doesn’t work out in my head.
reference to Alex’s post containing the article on ‘Ten Politically Incorrect Truths About Human Nature’; see the second truth.
In my last relationship my lover and I had an agreement. We both wanted to go out, drink, have fun, let loose, and not have to worry about the other getting jealous if we ended up flirting or making out with someone else. We always came home to each other. We loved spending time together, we were both really into each other, but we realized that sometimes things happen when you’re out drunk having a good time and decided not to fret over it. I personally prefer to be sexually intimate with one person at a time, but I go into each relationship expecting to come right back out onto the field after our time is over. I’m not in a place where I’m looking for a solid long term partner. I don’t know if I think humans are meant to be with only one mate for life, but it has obviously worked for some. Depends on the person. To each his own!
We are both, some of us WILL be faithful to one person; While others have the urge to move on, to find new mates to breed with. Some people have died for the “one” they love without a thought to it, others are not very attached to one person, thus moving on when a certain time span has passed. However, we are romantic creatures, most of us are. We want our ideal other half, however we may not always be lucky to find them so will never truly be satisfied with the person we are with now because they truly aren’t compatible with us. Some will go through countless lovers just to try find that ideal other, and some will stick with one person who makes them happy and secure but isn’t their ideal. It’s about balancing this, seeing a person, finding them attractive, learning about them, getting on with them their friends and family; and being compatible, sexually and personally, consciously etc. So it a lot to do with choice again and a certain enigmatic anomaly called a “spark” well what I created anyhow, that certain something you only get with one person and one person only; the feeling you get with no others but them even if you aren’t together you only get it for them. So, YES we can be monogamous creatures when it is real and powerful love, but other than that it is only a life mate who we feel comfortable and safe with (which isn’t bad) but we miss out on the spark person hehe! as I call it!
But anyway, simple make-up and the ability to choose whether or not this person is worth sticking around for.
Humans are not a monogamous species. Some kinds of birds and other animals are but we are not. Some species of animals are herbivores and would never eat meat – it’s not their nature. Other animals are carnivores and would never eat grass – also because it’s not their nature. Humans are omnivores and polygamous because it’s our nature. If some people choose to be monogamous, it’s a choice – good for them. Let others enjoy sex with multiple partners – good for us.
Good post, Mischa.. that got me thinking about a ‘karass’ (anyone read Cat’s Cradle?).. it comprises everyone past present and future in your life who is part of “God’s plan” -however you want to interpret that- for you.. a duprass is a karass comprised of just two people. So for those that have the ONE that they will truly die for and there really is no other, perhaps they are part of a duprass…
I think I’d be into polygamy. I mean, love is love, whether it’s between two people, or twenty. If that’s what you really love, then why force yourself to never be happy by not being with the one… err… people you love. So long as all parties involved are agreeable, what does it matter?
@mischa – Why would someone have to “move on” to fall in love with a second person? You can still love the first just as strongly as always. But the three, four, five, people in a deeply committed loving relationship can all love each other, love being together, and love taking care of each other. Your post makes it seem like polygamists are moths drawn to a new flame, or fish distracted by a shiny lure.
I don’t really think there is a right answer to this question, it really does depend on a lot of other things.. it’s all personal opinion. Based on your morals, religious views, ect. We are such an unpredictable species to begin with, I’m not too sure what we are ‘meant’ to be or do.
This question takes me in the same direction as a question raised previously about if humans are fucking with evolution or not. I think we’re past the point where we can make black and white comparisons between humans and animals. We are past one or the other.
Some people, whether it be by their own nature, a cultural prerogative, or whatever, will be inclined in one or the other direction. Our minds are elastic and we have passed being easily defined as one or the other. Nature vs nurture plays a part in such decision, certainly. But we have the ability to change our views, our preferences, our wants and desires, as we learn and grow. Many people sincerely go from monogamy to forsaking it, and vice versa.
I think classifying humans as “one or the other” of anything is silly in that it totally undermines our decision making ability. Not to mention the fact that when we really focus and practice, we can erase any pre-conditioned behavior instilled in us. I know a lot of HEthens know this first hand in their meditation and work towards mastering their psyche and making it work for them.