When I was about 15 years old (6 years ago), my older brother, who was roughly 17 at the time, was prescribed to anti-depressants. At the time I didn’t understand why he needed to take pills in order for him to be happy. I didn’t get how someone could be so negative and pessimistic without them. As I grew older I slowly began to lost interest in the things that I once enjoyed…
Now I am in college and battling my own depression. I wouldn’t ever want to take anti-depressants, but I hate not being as happy/positive/cheerful as I used to be. My introversion has gotten worse, I prefer to be alone rather than with people. It’s not that I don’t have friends, but I never want to hangout with them or go out and party or go to the bars. I generally try to look on the bright side of situations, but it is becoming tougher and tougher with this cloud of depression and introversion I can’t seem to get away from…
I thought maybe if I stopped smoking for a while that would help ‘clear my mind’ and help towards shedding off my depression. But after two months of not smoking, I wasn’t noticing any difference…So here I am on this Saturday night, with a couple of missed calls/texts from people that want to hangout, but I just have no desire to go out or even return their calls.
I just want to be by myself, but at the same time I want to stop being by myself.
yeah, I feel the same way. To deal with this I use balance. Go outside! Go for a bike ride, jog, hike, go into nature alone. Go be alone. Maybe it will give you a new perspective.
And sometimes it’s good to go out with people. You probably need to find new interesting people to motivate you.
But yeah, just exercise, sleep well, find something to do (make art!).
As soon as you become your self, you become no one. You become any one.
Life does get tough man. When you’re in the thick of it, sometimes it is definitely hard to see a way out of it. Most of us have been there, you can usually see it when we talk about it. Just an fyi.
There is always a point where we consider taking medication, because we don’t know how powerful they can be and how much they can help us. With most people, you don’t have to give them these “anti depressants”. In my opinion, the whole medication thing relies heavily on the therapy and talking part of it. I’m not ruling it out as it may work for some people, but generally people don’t really need that level of help.
Meditation and listening to wise people among other things can help greatly in this aspect. We often find that we have beliefs or thoughts that are actually not very well thought out, or developed. These thoughts can be extraneous, having no purpose at all. Existing to merely exist. And with an untrained mind, they seem to be painful, as if nothing makes sense of them. But the sadness in knowing that is just the way of life; the sadness fades, and wisdom enters.
I’m going to assume by smoking you mean’t bud, as depression and it are often linked. Quitting does help some people, some people it does not. It depends on your relationship with it.
” I hate not being as happy/positive/cheerful as I used to be”
Yes, we all want to be happy. You’ll find that’s a very actual desire. But it all comes down to making a choice. After fighting this depression you will get to a point where you won’t take it anymore, that is where the progress begins.
@dopde, Take them if you need them, not because someone tells you to. You can climb out of this. Your serotinin reuptake pumps aren’t working? F*ck your serotonin reuptake pumps! Life is out there.
TALK TO PEOPLE. Talk to people about things, ideas, dreams, past adventures, events, other people, classes, how their father’s doing, WHATEVER it takes to stop you thinking about yourself. There are millions of people near you with millions of things to talk about with millions of things on their “would so do that” list. People were made to talk to each other. Eventually, whatever’s bugging you will come to the surface so you can deal with it, and you’ll probably figure out it’s not so bad but until then, loafing around your room won’t help you. Don’t get used to it. Get used to being with and even RELYING on other people if you need to for a while. That’s okay. Just make the change. NOW. I implore you!
Try to feel some zest bro. Start to do ANY sport you want, this boost your self esteem, I’m saying this by personal experience, volleyball has helped me a lot, bike riding too, I feel happy when my muscles hurts, it’s great, try it. Keep posting here, I feel like you some times, I want to share more things with you (:
@dopde, shit, sounds like my early twenties. what i did is learned an instrument, read a lot, and certainly kept on smoking. eventually, if you take your attention off the concept of there being a dilemma, you might find a thing or two that become more meaningful than the social expectations that our collective society can offer.
life is a sea of reflective waters; if you get into a pattern of self denial, you will sink.
@warriors41, Balance does sound like something that would be very helpful, but I find it tough to make time for balance when I am not working, going to school, or studying/doing hw. My dad gave me a really nice mountain bike, but some prick stole it…Exercising was one of the things I used to be passionate about but not as of late…I would love to make art, but my artistic abilities are nonexistent. Perhaps going early morning hikes would be a good way to get in tune with nature and myself.
I know I should make some new friends, but I am a shy individual so that doesn’t really help my case…Thanks for your 2¢’s!!
@cognizantelephant, I really want to get into meditation, but it is hard to find a quiet/relaxing place near a college campus…But I believe meditation would help me train my mind so I can stop these negative thoughts that always appear from out of no where. I feel like I am getting close to the point where I won’t be able to take the depression any more and break out of its grasp.
Life is tough enough, and I hate how I am making it tougher on myself. I am just so tired of always faking my smile and pretending like everything is alright…Just gotta keep on keeping on I guess. Thanks for your reply!
@boribori90, Thanks for the motivation man, I need to get off my butt and do more!
@xetado, I do plan on posting here much more often…HighExistence is much better than Facebook, plus I can’t really vent on there without people thinking I am suicidal. Sports are a great way to clear my mind, but it only last momentarily. (I played basketball with my buddy today and had a good time, but haven’t done shit all day since)….It’s a shame I will never make it in the NBA. I also get some zest from cooking, which I enjoy, but that too only lasts for a brief while…
@pereguin, I enjoy reading and I was reading “The Power of Now” book over the summer, but required readings for school have taken all of my ‘leisure reading time’ away from me.
“life is a sea of reflective waters; if you get into a pattern of self denial, you will sink” I liked that quote…I need to pimp out my boat so I can sail all day ha
@dopde, You are indoctrinated if i have ever seen it. Introversion is occasionally benign and it correlates to intelligence. Additionally, good things can come from depression like art work and gripping tales. Not saying that its all good but it aint all bad either man, DO NOT LET THEM TELL YOU IT IS EVER MOTHERFUCKER.
@dopde, if I were you, I would continue to abstain from the weed, and I would absolutely get into excercising again. In my own experience, when I used to smoke weed, it would just drain my energy, it would certainly mellow me out but it would snuff out any motivation I had whatsoever….it would basically be one of my many excuses I had for keeping a lifestyle of sloth, I’d just smoke and forget about everything that I wanted to do or was afraid to do. Not to sound preachy, but I now recognize that smoking, drinking, and sleeping late were all things I did as a way to feel good briefly while still overall feeling that life was hopeless. But excercise feels like the opposite actually, it gets the blood flowing, makes me feel more confident, and helps me think more clearly. Sometimes I think excercise is better to wake you up than coffee.
And as for artistic ability, I used to think I had none either. But it was really that I was not practicing as hard as I should. Every artist I’ve talked to about it has agreed that what really separates the artists from the non-artists is practice, not genes or gifts from a deity or whatever. So you absolutely can do it if you want. What medium are you planning to use? You have to soak it up, for example if you want to write, read a lot and write a lot. Practice the fundamentals of your art til you are confident in them, also get influences, and mix them all together to make your own style.
@dopde, I’ve felt the same way you do right now. No motivation to return texts/phone calls, no desire to leave my house, to shower, or to leave my bed. I chose lying in bed staring at my ceiling instead of doing anything productive, much less seeing my friends. I was always tired. As much as all this scared me, and I mean terrified me, I couldn’t make myself want to stop. I just wanted people to leave me alone so I could lay in my bed. I stopped smoking right before I started to feel this way, and it took a full six months for me to get mostly better. Nobody had ever told me that bud and depression were linked so I had no idea what was going on with that aspect.
I know you can get better. I’m not saying you absolutely will, but you can. If you are able, getting up and getting active will help. Expressing any creativity you have will help your other emotions to start flowing again. Put your creations someplace where people will see them. If you are having a good moment, make plans with someone. It can be for something really easy, like watching a movie. Or if you are having a really good moment, tell someone how you are feeling. They will be worried, and they will talk to you even when you would choose to be alone.
Most universities have free counselors available to students. Look into your school’s resources. That helped me out a lot. Or consider going to a professional. Not for drugs, just for talking. A lot of people find comfort from the fact that they are taken seriously in a professional’s office.
I am still not completely out of the woods yet, but I can see the edge of the forest and most days I get a half step closer to it. And you know what? The meadow beyond is so much brighter than it ever was before. It’s like @cognizantelephant, said, eventually after fighting this you will get to a point where you won’t take it anymore. You can find your way out, and your smiles will be so much more joyful for it.
Sending love and hope your way.