My Diary: Spiritual Awakening in College

 three1eight (@Jrox2233)6 years, 9 months ago

I would like to share my journey because i would love to hear other peoples stories so I can gain more insight while I’m on my journey. I am 19 year old girl who is currently a sophomore in college and my spiritual journey started last summer during my internship in new york city. before i get into it i would like to add that i am jewish, but never really believed in the teachings and i consider myself more of a cultural jew. That being said, I always felt spiritual, I was always intrigued in the after life and i felt that there was definitely a higher power. I decided I wanted to take a class called world of religions that upcoming semester just so i could gain more insight.
so my story:
This summer I would take the bus into the city every single day and i started to read the book Eat, Pray, Love. I know its a pretty mainstream, maybe surfaced level book, but it really opened my mind that there is so much depth to this world that people can access through meditation and self-reflection. I would read the book every day during my commutes and once I became aware of the power of being in control of your thoughts and the idea of spirituality I started to sense more synchronicity.
1) The first day of my internship my parents wanted to take me to an event at the gracie mansion and they said they would pick me up at a certain location. I was unfamiliar with my way around the city and they were being annoying and difficult to meet up with so i said i would meet them at the gracie mansion. I used that app hopstop and put in gracie mansion and ended up taking the wrong subway. I got off and went back on the street and was looking to find my location and then i hard all this hocking and saw my parents. it was the most ridiculous thing ever that they found me in the city, there was no way we could have planned it.
2) My internship this summer was at an improv comedy club and my friend’s dad got me the internship because his friends created the troupe. It was my 5th day and I wanted to get there early. Once I got there i saw an email from my bosses saying they would be an hour late so I decided to walk around i was passing a bagel place near where i work and in the window i thought i saw my friends cousin who i have met twice. there is no reason that i should really recognize his face just from the window. i called my friend and i asked if her cousin was working in the city and she said maybe she wasnt sure and to just go in and ask him his name, i was obviously nervous because there was a huge risk that it wasnt him, but what did i have to lose, i went in and what do you know it was him! the craziest part is that he used to have my internship and that he now was a page at letterman. it was such a crazy coincidence that i recognized him!
3) One day while commuting to my internship i got off at a different bus stop to deliver a package for my mom and I passed the Letterman studio while they were offering free tickets. I said what they hay, why not? so I went in and got interviewed and mentioned that i knew one of the pages. that night the called me and said i won tickets for that following day, which was crazy because that was also the day breaking amish was going to be filmed at my internship and i was going to be in. it was crazy that in one day i was going to experience such cool events. i told my friend that won those tickets and she said thats so crazy I’m going to that show too, what a coincidence, i didnt know she planned to go for that show at all.
THE DAY OF 318:
it was a big day for me, i was going to see letterman and also start filming for breaking amish, so you can say i was pumped up. On the bus that day i was doing the usual, which was read Eat, Pray, Love and i decided
ato stop reading at the page 318, I always liked the number 18 so it seemed like a good number. I went to work said my hellos and then i was off to wait in line for letterman. I decided to bring my college friend who was “coincidently” working a block away from me and when we received the tickets i saw that the ticket number he had was 318, i knew that was the number i recognized that morning and said i wanted his ticket. nothing really important happened in our seatings but we waited in like with a very spiritual man who ended up being on tv with letterman and winning a ham, which made me feel special that i spoke to him before the show and got his quick second of fame. The craziest thing was that when i was walking back to work so i could start filming breaking amish, i realized that our office number was 318! all in one day! i knew it was my number.
Soon college started and the world religions class was blowing my mind.
I soon realized the depths of spirituality and i started to question even more my own thoughts of spirituality and I knew that there was a higher power and i was feeling very connected to it. Before i would go to sleep i would start to see colors like purples and reds that would move in and out. I then started to feel a lot of synchronicity. i think i always felt that if i talked about someone i would see them, but it started to get really weird. i would think i would see someone and then as they came closer i realized it wasnt them, but then as 3 people passed me the next person would be the actual person i thought i saw before. I then would have feelings that i would see certain people and then i would see them, i felt so in-tuned with the workings of the universe. The craziest story is that i had a crazy hook up experience a couple weeks prior and i hadn’t seen or mentioned the boys name ever since that weekend and one night i decided to retell the story to a friend while walking to our other friends house, just as i finished the story we walked into the house and the boy i hooked up with was on the couch. my mouth dropped. there was no reason he should have been there and it was weird how i didnt tell the story in weeks and then when i finally did he appeared. It was getting very weird. I also felt that i had a very heightened awareness to other people’s problems. I felt that i knew the source of every persons issue and was very aware of peoples emotions that they weren’t even aware of. I was also coming up with crazy theories that seemed to have some evidence while i was meditating, like how the belly button is probably very important during sexual intercourse because its the center of your body. Anyways one thing i started to realize was that my best friend/roommate was depressed and i don’t think she was aware of it either. We ended up getting into a really big fight and the pain i felt was so physical. I never was able to feel such sadness and hurt before. We had a conversation and i told her how i felt that she was depressed and i felt so intuitive and i really felt that i made her more aware of herself and emotions and her purpose. i was able to show her what i saw in her which was creativity, humor and so much potential. Ever since our fight she has been so mature, but any ways i had 2 big tests the next day and i couldn’t go to sleep so me and my roommate decided to smoke. we felt more connected and i thought it would help me sleep.
MY SPIRITUAL AWAKENING:
We were smoking and it was fine and then i realized my teeth. I was so aware of my teeth, they are literal bones in our mouths, i was too aware of them it was making it hard for me to swallow-i couldn’t stop feeling them. I started to become very aware of my body and i decided that it was time for my to go to sleep. As i was trying to sleep i started to mediate like i usually did the nights before and try to focus on the colors i saw. i started seeing the waves of purples and blues and then i saw a little white spec. I started to focus on the white spec and i felt this urge of energy located at my temple region and i let the energy surge down my arms and legs and i felt this energy start to take over my whole body, as if it started as the crust, surrounding my body and then met at my center. my arms were straight beside me and i started to hear the voice of what i thought was the higher power or just my true self, but it was saying that all of the weird things i have been experiencing were real and to not deny them, i also felt that i was never going to suffer or desire anything again. I also felt my body at peace and that i really didnt desire anything. I started to see all of the theories i was learning in class that i saw as abstract as completely real. i was able to understand all of the truths of the world. I saw human beings as fake and how we do all of these stupid things as a way to conform and that i knew the truth behind everything and that everything we do consciously is a false representation of ourselves. i started chanting inside my head 318, 318, 318 and i felt my arms starts to raise and honestly i really felt all of this energy in my body that i thought i was about to start elevating. I got so freaked out that i jumped out of my bed and ran to my friends and i went straight into panic mode. my body started shaking uncontrollably and i was short of breath. i was freaking out and i felt very cold and then very hot. i started to cry because i was scared to go back to sleep, scared that it was going to happen to me again. i thought for a second that i was about to go through enlightenment and that i was going to die and i stopped myself from dying. i had to be next to my friend who had all this negative energy because she was doubting everything i said, while my roommate was going online and telling me that this stuff happens all the time to people which actually freaked me out because it made it more real and not just because of the weed. i had to sleep on my couch while listening to music to relax myself. i tried to watch tv but everything freaked me out and peoples faces started to look really strange to me, not like they were distorted, but more unfamiliar. i started question why we think our faces look so normal to us when they are actually quite weird looking we are just so used to how they look. the next day my chest was still constricted and i felt that i couldn’t be reunited with society. i felt that i knew too much about the world and was so aware of the illusory self of my own and other peoples. that morning my friend told me that i should go to my world religions teacher and tell him what happened and then i got an email from him THAT MORNING saying that he would be going away for a week so i wouldnt be able to talk to him. My friend then said its almost like God doesnt want you to talk to him. I was screwed i had a test and i could barely concentrate and really didnt study. On the bus my friend and i were testing each other and we both said terms that either one of us heard before and it turned out those things were on the test and if we never discussed them i would have not gotten an 88 on the test. I was very depressed that day and realized that the only people i could feel comfortable and not depressed about were people i feel very close to and felt connected to. i felt peoples energies. i couldn’t be near people that had bad energies or i didnt feel comfortable around because i felt very anxious. I told my older sister who just graduated about what happened to me and she told me to tell her friend who took the class before and is now a yogi. I texted her telling her my story and her reply gave me so much clarity telling me that what happened to me was real and that a part of me had died and now i have a clearer understanding of the world and not to be scared of it. It turned out that she was coming to delaware the next day, which was so convenient because the next day i felt very depressed still and lost and panicked that i was never going to be the same person again. I decided to call my psychiatrist to make an appointment with her because i also needed a refill of my adhd medication and while she called me back, my sister;s friend was on the other line telling me she was outside of the library which is where i was. i read later that during a spiritual awakening, mentors will come and greet you and help you through your journey. It was weird how they were both calling me at the same time. I have been so much happier and i have had such a clear perception after i learned not to fear my experience.

i realize that this is really long, but i have actually experienced a couple of other spiritual awakenings if anyone is interested.

December 8, 2014 at 5:35 pm
Nick (554) (@splashartist) 6 years, 9 months ago ago

Sounds like you got really high and had a panic attack. Don’t worry too much about it!

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