Let me start off by saying that this is not a discussion thread for people to tell me how to feel better nor do I wish for them to make rude comments. For the interest of this post I will say that I am in 20 and my younger sibling is 18.
This is something that is written in the spur of the moment. A low point coming to you at the end of the year. Sick in bed with a cat on my desk and tears fresh in my eyes. I am not a sad person. I never have been, empathetic? Yes. A little to annoying for some people? Yes. However since I have been sick I have noticed a slip in my emotions. Anger fills my chest and tears spill down my eyes. I do understand that being sick has made me vulnerable to this moods and yet I can not help but wonder about a deeper problem.
Within the last two days I have had mild panic attacks; something that has never happened to me before: I also have found my thoughts becoming more negative.
Yes a few things are going wrong with my life. I work two jobs and wish desperately to go back to school but because of problems with my financial aid my parents are on the hunt looking for Tax transcripts form 2012. I owe an ex-roommate a little over $600 (for reasons that do not include anything unlawful. We had problems with the 3rd roommate and decided to downgrade the original roommate to a single apartment leaving the 3rd roommate and myself with money to pay her.) I am single and finding it very difficult to be confident about it because all I want is someone who I have an intellectual connection with.
My sister is a very blunt person with a very forwards attitude and does not realize that she hurts others around her and with me being the closest family member I get the brunt of it. She does not seem to care and often makes fun of the fact that I am single and bitches to me about how she tries to set me up with her friends; who are mostly druggies for some reason. I have no problem with drugs however I do not wish to be in a relationship with someone who does them. Her boyfriend is very kind and tries to tell her about how she is hurting my feelings but she blows it all off.
My parents are very supportive and I love them however they are not the best at these things so the next best thing is to write it all out on hear and listen to what strangers say.
On a good day I can get out and have lots of fun. I go to bookstores, thrift stores, look for cute boys, trying to text friends and make sure I eat properly but on a bad day I want to scream and cry, break things and so on. While I do believe that some of my emotions come from having to leave my roommates and apartment before lease and move by in with my parents; who are very loving and I am very happy to be home; I am also worried that I am in a rut and that this is what is causing my sadness.
I usually have one or two days off a week one of them is devoted to getting tasks dome and the other often falls on a relaxing day for me. The people I work with are kind and I do not feel as if my jobs are making me sad. I enjoy being busy and earning money to pay back my ex-roommate however I do worry that with the way my life is going I will be unable to get out and do something just for me. I feel as if every time I try to make friends they think I am weird or I find them…not my type of friend. I have met people who are very kind in the same retrospect and am looking forwards to going to a convention to them in the middle of the year, however that is not till the middle of the year..It is hard because to see them I need to drive just under and hour there and back and often times I can only see one or two of them for an allotted amount of time.
This sadness scares me. I worry about it and some times I cry about it but not as often as I once did. I am scared that my life is stuck in a loop. That with no college I am loosing my creative outlets and forgetting what was once ME.
What I am looking for is help. For some advise that does not revolve around doing drugs or getting out and having fun because I do not party, I do not get drunk, I do not smoke and I do not have one night stands. I am that girl who goes to the bookstore and finds odd necklaces in the thrift shops, who enjoys eating lunch and just talking to people. Yes the mall is fun and in the stores I enjoy i know the workers. I am not a wild child as some might say. I just need some reassurance that I am not alone. That there are people out there who do read these things and have things to say.
@cicelyrain So you’re looking for help, but not how to feel better?
I guess I’ll help by telling you my story.
This past month has been insane. The ups have been huge, new job, lots of money, huge potential, the downs have been low, broke up, moved out because I couldn’t stand my step dad anymore, and all in all everything changed.
Within the span of 3 weeks, I broke up with my girlfriend of almost 5 years, moved out of my house, did all my final projects and exams at school, and started a new business. Needless to say, I’m a little overwhelmed.
I’ve always had trouble finding connections with people, as it stands now I don’t know anyone who I can connect with. The closest I had to what I was looking for was my girlfriend, and now she’s gone (it was a pretty great breakup, about as smooth as they can go).
I too don’t drink or go out to parties or do drugs, and I’m in engineering school (I think there is a 30:1 ratios of guys to girls, if not more?) so I’m having a lot of trouble figuring out how to meet new people. I’m not looking for another girlfriend or one night stand or anything, I just need companionship.
All I can say is, we have to keep moving forwards. Things will work out eventually. I’ve had enough people tell me that over the past few weeks, and it’s pissed me off every time. I don’t care how bright the future looks, it doesn’t change how bleak the present it. Yes, our lives will get better, and yes, we will get over it soon enough, but in the meantime, I feel like shit and I can’t think of anyway to fix it.
I can usually fix anything. And I can’t fix this, and it’s driving me nuts. The thinking round and round and round that I needed my ex to help quiet. I was hoping for one more chance, one more opportunity to be with her, so we agreed to meet up last night. (she’s leaving to go travelling for a few months in Jan, one of the reasons we broke up) She seemed totally into it too. Except, instead of getting to connect with her, she told me that she started dating a new guy, one of her friends. The guy that she’s going travelling with.
My final hope was shot down. And now I’m back to where I started, going round and round with no end in sight. Yes, I could just stop, but every few days I get a new idea, and it makes life a little better. Like I said, the problem will be solved eventually, but that doesn’t change how much it sucks right now. The only plan I’ve got so far is to buy my own place, so I can reclaim a home, and meet a new person to connect with. Except both of those are long term goals, nothing I can do now.
So like I said before, all we can do is keep trucking along. Keep moving forwards. The only short term solution is to get lucky and meet someone who you can connect with, someone who understands.
But you won’t get that standing still.
Hey Dear, just look at your Post, copy paste it in Ms word, Read it completely and than i am replying something, and english is not my first language…………IT HAPPENS, same here, while reading your post i am having the same lonliness..life must be hurting u a lot, but IT WILL PASS…i am sure about it….i am 25 and got very bad phases, where extreme sadness was huting me, and that had passed now….with time thing will start to Improve..
forget your sister, she is Jealous about your looks and beauty, thats why she bitches so much, whenever she make fun of yours of being single, tell her, Its better to be single, than geting a Jerk Bf, i will be with be best one day, just wait and watch..
Its so good, your parents love u soo much, share your problems with them, although not all problems can be shared, parents cannot be friends…
i understand stuff that your friends things u are wired , if they think sooo…cut them out of your life, my friends also thinks i am wired, but i make friend the one who is wired like me, who understand me, with whom i can share many things, have 1 friend like that, and it will be Great…
if there are financial jobs than hold on to job, when u earn enough than go to school, and its wonderful u are working…u are very very tough, many girls in your place will be unable to do that much.u are just 20 and u are very strong, with 25 years age u will FUCK THE WORLD, write down my statement here right now, and i will not be false……( Labour Omni Vincint ) Hard work conques All.
please don,t be sad now, take strong breaths, and relax, with time, with bits and bits of effort, this will pass, let it go…..it happens with all..RIGHT NOW I AM ALSO SAD, to be Honest, but this will PASS, i know it.and now new year is coming, so enjoy tonight, celebrate, or watch a good movie, i am not going outside but will celebrate new year with my dog and home alone, will watch The Great Gatsby :)
Take care Dear, Happy New Year..
You seen quiet and introspective, like me. You like books and you go against the grain. I have a feeling you’re really smart and have a hard time connecting with people because you are so complex. Am I right? If so, then you’re amazing! And not many people can see it. Come to terms with who you are and flaunt it. Don’t let the hard times get you down. If you do, you might get stuck there even when the good times roll around. From what I read, you sound a lot like me. I am really sensitive. I have gone through periods of my life thinking I need to desensitize myself to make everything easier, but no. Your sensitivity is a good thing. Even though it can make you more susceptible to pain and sadness, you also feel the good things more too! You just need strength to deal with the hard times. This is something that you can develop, I promise. Don’t ever get lonely. You always have yourself and you seem like a great person. Keep searching for people to connect with but don’t get frustrated. I hope this helped and I wasn’t off-base about your personality and what you need to hear. :) Best wishes to you.