Firstly, I’m 28 and female, he is 36 male (Also I have a boyfriend of 4 years whom I live with). We first met around 5 years ago through mutual friends didn’t know each other that well until we ended up working at the same company about 3 years ago (not very closely but in the same building and we have to communicate from time to time). Our friendship has grown over time and he’s hinted at having feelings for me in the past, but a few months ago he told me he loved me then broke up with his long term girlfriend. I’m not really sure what to do, my boyfriend is understandably weary about him and the situation. I’m happy with my boyfriend and wouldn’t want a relationship with my friend, I’ve told him this but I’m not sure he believes me. He insists he wants to be friends but I know he struggles wanting to be with me. Any advice with how to continue would be appreciated.
Well, there are several options you can take with your friend. I don’t know your history with him or the character of your friend. But here’s my advice.
Love is simple. All it really involves is truth. And putting your heart out there as plainly as you can with no illusions, no deceptions, and no lies will bring happiness. Tell him the truth. If you do not see any future relationship with him, tell him that you just can’t be friends for now if he truly has such strong feelings for you. It does not do you or him justice to string him along. And maybe he will grow to love you only as a friend with time apart. Or maybe he will harbor some resentment. But it is better than having a heart filled with yearning without any actual hope of attaining what it truly wants. He is a man. He will get over you. I hate to be cliche but time will heal a broken heart. He must realize that you are not his everything. He must find enlightenment within himself before he pursues another. And he has to question why he loves you. And he must finally tell himself that he could find another you, or a better one. The human race is unique in the fact that qualities of one person can be in many others and sometimes even better.
I hope this helps in any way.
Is your name Pam and his name Jim?
Fine, I’ll be serious lol. ” Our friendship has grown over time and he’s hinted at having feelings for me in the past” If you didn’t tell him when he hinted you probably dug your own grave.
All you have to do is put yourself in others shoes. Would you not be sketched out about your boyfriend hanging out with a girl that said they loved them?
You’re OVER-ANALYZING AND COMPLICATING THINGS.
Just let it be.
His feelings are his, they aren’t your concern. If you can’t handle that, you need to revise (or end) your friendship.
If you worry about giving in and betraying someone you love, well then shame on you. It’s nobody else’s fault.
Why are you even asking this? What are you so afraid of?
If it really bothers you then you should have a talk with him, tell him that all you want with him is friendship. Sometimes when people are rejected or don’t get the same feelings back they soon lose their feelings. So just give it sometime, he will probably realize that you’re happy with your relationship and only wants to be friends with you.