My mum wants to live life but my dad is holding her back, what can I do?

Tom (@scott3600) 8 years, 9 months ago

My mum has always been more adventorous than my dad who is seems to not like to take as many risks. My mum wanted to move to the US 15 years ago but my dad didn’t want to and held her back, I wish he hadn’t as I would have loved to have grown up in USA. Lately my mum has been talking about this and how she wishes we did move to the US, she is also looking back at her life and seeing how little she has done and thinks it is somewhat down to my dad. My mum also wants to move house and says she hate living where she does now. My dad however cannot be convinced.

I have supported my mum and tried to convince my dad to move. I told him we only live once and there is so many great places in this world that it doesn’t make sense to only see a small part of it and stay in the same place for 30 years in a row. Since me and my sister have left to go to university they have done a little better, they now go on weekend breaks to different parts of the UK which is a start, however I feel they should do more.

I am also hoping that if I can convince them then they may begin to see like me and support me in my idea to spend my life travelling, however I think this would take a lot of doing.

What can I do to try and convince them to start living life more before its too late and they grow old?

February 20, 2013 at 3:35 pm
Taylor Little (71) (@tlrlittle) 8 years, 9 months ago ago

@scott3600, I think you are way too worried about their lives. Your parents are individual people and know what makes them happy. If your mom has chosen to stay with your dad all this time rather than travelling, well something about him is more important to her than travelling. I feel like you getting too involved will only stir conflict where it is unnecessary and it sounds like you are putting them against eachother. I think if your mom really wants to leave she will, same with your dad but he sounds pretty comfy where he is. My point is you have to realize that your parents are adults and can make these decisions themselves. Sounds like they’ve come to a nice compromise by going on trips, maybe that will work for them, or maybe inspire your dad to leave, though I doubt it. What is important is that YOU want to travel so you need to make that choice for yourself. Do what’s important to you and let others do what’s important to them. Hope this helps, and I hope you realize the US isn’t what it’s cracked up to be. Honestly it’s a scary place right now and noone in there right mind should want to come here

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Anonymous (214) (@) 8 years, 9 months ago ago

^truth

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Anonymous (2,833) (@) 8 years, 9 months ago ago

@scott3600, My mom moved 2000 miles away from her “home” to be with me and my dad. He moved because of family.

The move was too stressful for her and she didn’t like the area and made no new friends and basically left everything behind for him (and me, but she probably would have won custody if it came down to that).

They split up when I was around 1 year old and I don’t remember it, so I grew up with 2 separate houses.

Although it is hard to see that my mom is living a life she didn’t intend, and became stuck in a place she never wished to be, it isn’t the end of the world. Her life is her life, and now, with me gone and her finally getting some money – she is moving back ‘home’ where she felt more comfortable.

All things work out in the end – if you let them.

You may want to explain to your parents that now that you are grown that they are two individuals that need to decide whats best for themselves. The “us” has become weaker and the “I” or “me” had become dominant and its time to enact that. They need to have a discussion, a mature discussion, to identify how each one thinks… if they cannot do this, you cannot take that pain on your shoulders, it is theirs to bare.

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Tom (187) (@scott3600) 8 years, 9 months ago ago

@tlrlittle, I think your right about letting them work it out themselves. By the way I am attracted to the US by the fact it has so much you can do there, it has different lanscapes e.g. mountains, deserts, beaches. It has many different cultures, it just looks so interesting. Every time I have visited the US I have loved it. I don’t believe in the American Dream though.

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Tom (187) (@scott3600) 8 years, 9 months ago ago

@ijesuschrist, Interesting, you makes some good points. So are you tying to say now that I have grown up and am an adult myself, that they don’t have to stick together anymore to protect me and my sister, as we can understand and deal with such things. Therefore it is up to them to decide what they want for themselves?

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Tine (366) (@tine) 8 years, 9 months ago ago

@scott3600,

is your family wealthy?

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Tom (187) (@scott3600) 8 years, 9 months ago ago

@tine, No, we are not poor though, we are average, like lower middle class.

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Taylor Little (71) (@tlrlittle) 8 years, 9 months ago ago

@scott3600, Well I’m in Vermont, and I haven’t even seen the ocean, the grand canyon is about as far from me as the UK is, same as the rockies. Europe has so many sites within walking distance of each other, hence why so many people go (or in my case want to go) backpacking across europe. And the laws here are just so backwards and fucked up, it’s not worth trying to go through immigration, I’ve been living here for 10 years and I’m still not even considered a citizen (I’m Canadian born)

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Anonymous (214) (@) 8 years, 9 months ago ago

@scott3600, the United States is a pretty legit place, we just tend to get caught up in the drama that comes with having the entire world constantly looking at us and critiquing every single thing we do. But yea, there’s a lot of fun stuff to do here, I’d recommend it for sure

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Anonymous (2,833) (@) 8 years, 9 months ago ago

@scott3600, I’m saying you need to realize your parents are individuals, and they also need to realize this. Being a family is a powerful thing, but it can be powerfully detrimental or powerfully comforting.

There is nothing saying that a family SHOULD be comforting, but its nice when it is. However, having a situation that is of discomfort is something to be avoided.

I don’t know you or your family so I’m not saying anyone should do anything except communicate with each other.

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