My third shroom experience I took four shrooms, smaller ones because I did not want to trip too hard. Yeah… it was more intense than the second time, and most definitely the first time when I took five large ones. I swear I keep getting more sensitive to the compounds in shrooms. Before we begin, I will give some background on myself to help explain my trip better.
Before shrooms, I am very aware of my oneness with all. I feel love very strongly at deep levels. I experience the fact I am nothing. I experience I am a being of love. Who is observing me? I cannot exist other than I am an expression of something higher. I believe in something higher than me, I believe in God (although not in the way portrayed in our culture, I believe we are each God). I believe in my spirit. My spiritual journey I have had over lifetimes finally is coming together.
I am a very intuitive person – way out there. I believe in reincarnation, spirit, and that we are capable of so much more than our physical reality. Of course, despite my beliefs, I still am able to take my insights and say, “a cigar is just a cigar”. I know my physical limitations. I can take what comes to me and apply the “mind fuck” perspective, sober or if on psychedelics. That perspective is grounding, but can be limiting to the visions that arise.
Now, let’s get to my trip. All was fine until I realized the trip was slowly coming on. I realized I was going to be going to a higher plane/dimension/inside the mind. This freaked me out beyond measure. Reality wanted to shift on me. My deep thinking process, which I am aware of at all times, came out strong – Who am I? What am I? As I wrote my convictions in the above paragraphs, now I get to experience that on shrooms. The full effect of shrooms now occurs. I see how I am god, I am the creator, master of my own reality. It is not like I see it when I am sober, no, my mind had expanded – godhead.
I was not going to throw cars around. But, I felt all the divine energy through me, I was acting like a conduit. My spirit was not with me. I do not know where my spirit was. It was overwhelming. I knew if I wanted to access deeper knowledge, beyond what we can get here on Earth, I would get it. I was going to be taken higher, but I did not want to die. I was not ready to talk to higher beings yet. I did not want to leave Earth and my family.
My loneliness was strong. I understood that the only joy in life comes from helpings others. Yet, there is no such thing as a selfless act. I do so much for people, with much love, and yet I feel empty inside all the time. All the joy in my life has been sucked away, way before I did this trip. I am strong, and I am alone. I crave human interaction, yet I trap myself away from people, because that joy I get from helping people is not my emancipation. What is enlightenment?
We are all lonely. We are all scared, cold, craving for comfort. Why not do it together?
Sharing – when we share our experiences with others, I find I can find true joy with others and myself. Not giving or receiving, but sharing. There is no point in acquiring knowledge of the Gods if one does not share it with others. That does not mean everyone will understand the experience or insight, we are all walking on different levels. Some of our souls are older, some are younger, and that is okay.
I did not go to higher planes this trip. I held my brother-in-laws arm around because I was too terrified to go higher and speak to higher beings. I sat there and breathed in and out. The visuals could have been spectacular, but I focused on keeping the physical reality present with me. I did get some auditory mind-fucks, but they did not scare me.
When I left the peak, I asked my brother-in-law if he could be there with me for another trip, beginning, middle, and end (I started the trip alone and I had to call him in to come home). I told him there is no point in speaking with the divine if I did not share it with anyone.
After my sister and brother-in-law went to bed, I sat on the floor with their cat in my lap. I realized how strongly I want to help others, specifically in matters of the spirit. I feel ready to share with people their experience and their journey with me, and my experience with them. After all, what good happens when you keep liberation to yourself?
“The imagination argues for a divine spark in human beings. It is absolutely confounding if you try to see imagination as a necessary quantity in biology. It is an emanation from above – literally a descent of the world soul into all of us. We are the atoms of the world soul. We open our channel to it by closing our eyes and obliterating our immediate, personalized, space-time locus. We then fall into the imagination, which runs like an endless river through all of us and is driven by the hydraulic momentum of the cataracts of chaos.”
– Terence McKenna
I had a similar trip not too long ago where I was not ready and wasn’t able to let go of reality. It was a terrifying battle in my head with extremely self conscious and introvert thoughts. My ego managed to hold on to reality by thinking and focusing on all the people I love, mostly my family and closest friends.
Afterwards, at first I was dissapointed that I hadn’t been able to let go. But months later I realize what the shrooms were trying to teach me. If I had died during the trip, I would have regrets about not telling my family and friends how much they really mean to me. And I mean really telling them with a completely open heart.
So what I took away from that is that I need to tell my closest how much they mean to me and thus hopefully I will have less regrets when once I finally do leave this world.
My theory after that trip is that the less regrets you have in your life, the better the chances for a pleasant trip. On the flipside, it is during the difficult trips that you realize what really means something to you and how you can improve your life.
Yes, I agree. I believe shrooms bring out what is deeply inside of you, whether it be pleasant or unpleasant, and give you the truth of it like a slap in the face. There is no hiding from yourself or suppressing your emotions. They come out.
I’m glad to hear you figured it out. Are you going to try to trip again and go higher?
The trip I was referring to was 4,5g dried in combination with pot. I am not going back there again for a long time. Instead, I will make baby steps and start from the beginning (1,5g dried and no pot) and slowly increase dosages as I get more comfortable. I learned my lesson and I’m not gonna repeat the same mistake.
But I’m not rushing anything, I still haven’t fully implemented the lessons I learned from that trip in my real life so there’s really no point in tripping hard again until I have done so. I take this stuff very seriously and the right intent is very important for me.
I get you man. Good luck, I wish it works out for you. If we go into our experiences with love beneath everything, whatever unpleasant shits comes out makes it tolerable and appreciative.
Please, do not get too lost finding insight with psychedelics. Sometimes, we know the answer without knowing it.