I’m 20 and I’m going through a personal change. I’m home from college for a month-long winter break and my mom thinks I’m crazy. I feel really weird and a little sad and lonely being so different from the rest of my family. I like dancing randomly to music, I play guitar and sing, I play music in the shower, and I just bought a unicycle which I’m really excited to learn how to ride but every time I do these things my mom says I’m crazy and it makes me feel protective and insecure and sad and shy and inhibited. Background: I have a conservative, toned-down Asian family and I am the only geeky yet wacky, explosive, artsy, emotionally volatile one. In the past, my cousin and I were always “best friends” but I’ve I no longer wish to follow my younger cousin around because I don’t find her parties and get-togethers fun. They party and listen to loud music and I don’t know…to each his own.
In the past year, I’ve realized that I want to have fun in life, win competitions, get a black belt in taekwondo, go to festivals like Burning Man. I want to create art and music and beauty wherever I go. I love poetry. I love emotions. I don’t want to follow security while sacrificing passion. I no longer have a set religion even though I am spiritual, and I’m open-minded about drugs and I’m starting to see sex as a possibly beautiful thing. I have learned that there is a LOT I don’t know, but the best thing I can do is enjoy the now, be a child at heart, and be open to people and experiences.
But now everyone especially at home thinks I’m crazy and doesn’t get me. My hs friends think I’m a druggie lol. I feel like a loony, but I feel I’ve got my head and heart in the right place. I keep having to remind myself every day that there are other people like me, the world is a big place, and I WILL find like-minded friends. I just got to have fun during break the best I can, learn guitar songs, watch funny movies, practice my unicycle, read, chill, and then keep getting out there. But it’s scary and lonely. My world feels turned upside down.
Has anyone been through this where they go through a major change regarding views towards life, who they are, what they find fun, what they want to do? Is it just me? Please share some stories and give me encouragement so I keep growing and don’t despair over how different and alone I feel right now! Thank you.
i kinda dig it, i feel alienated towards my niece and sister in law. Hanging with the Dead crowd in Colorado makes Florida seem like the crazy place. they are so high maintenance that it seems mentally ill. they say they love me but am pretty sure they don’t like me. but I find comfort in that i have my crowd that is living the lifestyle i wish to live. I don’t know if you’re home from college or where you’re at, but first thing’s first. my life changed at my first festival and you will definitely meet like minded individuals! best of luck
You are having a similar kind of experience I felt one and a half year ago when I discovered Highexistence.com. It helped me realise so many new radical ideas. Talking about them with my friends, tends them to think that I am some stupid preacher bent on making an idealistic world. Besides, if you can dance, make art, and sing then you are pretty talented. I am sure your mom had never encountered such person in your family before so, she is suffering from the syndrome what others will think about you and the family.
You should try to talk to her and cheers becoz you have become a “Reckless Bliss follower”
yes, but then meh, fuck family, they’re idiots. lol..
About 15 years ago when I was 17 or so, I simply said fuck it and lived my own life as I saw fit. I rejected religion, conservatism, and essentially became a more directed, tougher, rounded and no-nonsense person.
I think the only true life is doing as one pleases, when he wishes.
Cheer up dude!:) Im going through the same change as we speak…its nothing strange or problematic in doubting yourself, its just part of the process of reconnecting to who you’re supposed to be.
Just keep doing what you feel is right for YOU and you will not only transform your own life but the lives around you aswell. You’ll become a great source of inspiration but it will of course take a while and it wont be necessarily easy.
My parents basically called me a racist in 2010 (I dont want to get into details but that was def not the case) and now they share my views (not that its important but anyways…).
I’ve, without even suggesting it, changed the diet of my whole family so they now eat a looot healthier – hell they even started meditating after I did. And now my (macho) father’s going to yoga^^
What Im trying to say is that every revolutionary thing/change will always first be ridiculed, after that people will trashtalk it and finally they’ll accept it after trying it out themselves.