Need Help Changing My Life and Sticking With The Changes/Adderall

mr. Frybeard (@highjacob) 8 years, 8 months ago

I have a lot to say in this, so please read through it all. I will try to structure it as best as I can, but it may not be perfect. I also really want you all to understand this and where I’m coming from so this can be as effective as possible. Finally, I may not be that great of a writer, but I am trying….

Background
My name is Jacob and I’m a young adult still in school. Growing up, I would read hours on end, mostly fantasy, and I was extremely active in sports (hockey, soccer, and lacrosse). I had a best friend named Alex and we were like brothers. Like some people, I went through an awkward phase in Middle School and didn’t have a lot of friends. It was hard on me because I went to an outlying grade school so I didn’t know many people in Middle School along with the fact that I was, and still am, an introvert. Then, at the end of my 8th grade year I started to hang out with some new people that could be classified as jocks. They became my good friends because I played sports with them, and as a result, I was given a spot in their group. A funny thing is that these new friends had once bullied me only one year ago, but I finally had a feeling of happiness, so I disregarded that fact. My next step, High School, was a much better experience for me. I immediately gained more confidence and became more outgoing. Part of this was from my new friendship with the “jocks”. They were all very social so I learned how to be friendlier and more open by watching and being with them. Over time, going into my sophomore and junior years, my connection with the jocks faded and was replaced with a more mixed group of friends, who I continue to hang out with today. This was a result of various things which will be discussed later.
I was first introduced to the world of drugs by one of my close friends whom I played hockey with. The summer before my freshman year I drank for the first time. I do not precisely remember when I started smoking weed, but I think it was the summer before my sophomore year. My introduction to drugs, particularly marijuana, changed me greatly. Weed was a catalyst for my introduction into seeing life differently. It gave me a perspective that was so different from when I was sober, that I was able to question things better and I contribute a large part of my straying from the path of ordinary to weed. I did not smoke a lot and it did not change how I did in school, how I acted towards my parents, or my performance in sports. These negative stereotypical effects were not present. As a result of my use of drugs, my relationship with the jocks washed out. I could now see better that they did not treat their friends well and I would be much better off finding friends who liked me for me, which I did. I knew a friend who I skied with a lot and I started to hang out with him and his two best friends starting by the middle of my sophomore year. They smoked 2-3 times a week, which I consider a lot, and I started to as well. We would go smoke and then play video games or just hangout, typical stuff. Now it’s the end of my junior year in High School and these 3 guys are still my best friends, my best friend from grade school reduced to someone I know alright.
Problem
All through this time, starting with my use of weed, I was on a quest for knowledge and betterment of myself. I wanted to read anything that would increase my knowledge base, play guitar and piano, and meditate and practice yoga, while at the same time doing good in school and my sports. HERE IS WHERE THE CAUSE OF THIS POST RESTS. I most likely tried to juggle too many things, because my extra hobbies I wanted to follow would never be looked at. I would always start an activity and then not follow through with it, and it would seem like I never had enough time to do everything I wanted or I had no motivation. My problem was, and still is: I cannot follow through with activities that I want to practice. Another problem related to this is that I believe my friends are not the right fit for me, or are restricting me from being what I want to. They are heavily influenced by weed and will put getting high in front of a lot of things. I hang out with them a lot and a lot of the time feels wasted.

Changes Desired
Now here is where I want to change myself. After recognizing all that’s holding me back, I want to get rid of all those things and drastically (if necessary) change myself.
Changes
1. Start Meditating and practicing yoga
2. Continue to work out and develop my body
3. Play piano once every day, even for 15 minutes
4. Continue to do well in school
5. Stop smoking so much and use other methods to learn
6. Stop being so selfish (I have recognized that I am and I very much want to change this)
7. Carry effects of adderall over to sober life. (explained)
8. Others I may have missed

Adderall
This post was made while I was on adderall, otherwise I would not have gone through with it. I am not prescribed but I have friends I can get it from. From what I have seen, it gives me no negative effects. I am more motivated to do things, friendlier, and my mental activity appears higher. I want to be able to bring these characteristics into my life when I’m sober, but I don’t know how.
How You Can Help
If any of you have advice on how I can pursue my goals and stick with them I would be very pleased. I’m considering making a strict schedule that I’ll follow that will incorporate everything I want to do. I’m lost right now and I need your help. If you have any problems yourself feel free to post them and I can attempt to give advice back, that’s all I have to offer. Thank you for your time, and I’m sorry if I gave a little too much information but I believe it will help you all understand this situation better. I also gave so much information because I really want to change this time and this change could greatly affect me. Thanks again 

March 27, 2013 at 12:05 pm
josephm (772) (@josephm) 8 years, 8 months ago ago

drop some acid with some friends

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Shu (32) (@shupac) 8 years, 8 months ago ago

@highjacob, if you’re looking for tools, I definitely recommend reading The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. You can use the concepts in there to create habits for yourself. I prefer a more holistic lifestyle design, not just activities based. For me, change becomes solidified when both internal and external structures are put in place. This means creating alignment from your core beliefs to your consistent actions to who you interact with and your lifestyle.

You may find this framework helpful:
http://www.socialconfident.com/framework/

Cheers,

Shu
http://www.SocialConfident.com

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Emma (193) (@emmaclaire) 8 years, 8 months ago ago

I can’t find the article, but I read one a couple months ago about a young medical student who went schizophrenic and killed himself after using Adderall as a study drug. Stop taking it. It may seem awesome because you can get things done, but I promise you it is way worse for you than weed. Don’t be dependent on anything for your own happiness. You can fulfill your goals without it.

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TheSkaFish (962)M (@theskafish) 8 years, 8 months ago ago

@highjacob, what about your old friend who was like a brother? Do you still have a lot in common with him that you could hang out with him instead of the stoners? Everyone around here probably thinks I’m on some kind of deranged anti-weed crusade (not entirely true, I’m pro-legalization, I just don’t use it myself) but the thing is, when you say:

“I believe my friends are not the right fit for me, or are restricting me from being what I want to. They are heavily influenced by weed and will put getting high in front of a lot of things. I hang out with them a lot and a lot of the time feels wasted.”

I’ve been there. I know exactly what you mean, and I remember in those times I often blew off taking a more active role in my own life to just sit around and smoke weed. Man, I wish I could have all that time back. So that’s why I think the weed (and the stoners) might be influencing you to be lazy. Also, pharmaceuticals like adderall don’t seem to be a good idea. Gotta just exercise some willpower, it’s tough at first, but it builds up like a muscle.

EDIT: Oh, damn, I saw that you weren’t even prescibed for Adderrall. Yea, I’d drop that shit immediately. The last thing you need is to develop an addiction to pharmaceuticals. When you want to learn just be present. Again, it’s a willpower thing. I am fully convinced that humans do not NEED drugs to function, with the exception of certain terrible diseases.

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