New worlds confuses me

Buse (@Suse) 6 years, 7 months ago

Things has happened lately, I’ve been introduced to some substances that slowly changed my way of thinking. Not only that of course, I’ve always been curious about whats inside my head, why I have been so depressed from time to time. Why I have been so weak and fragile, but in the next scenario full of energy and meaning. 

I was very interested in “self-development” when I was 16 (male, mid 20s today) and read some about attraction and some about spirituality. I’ve been living my life filling out empty holes with things that don’t last, ignoring the fact that it would might be contra productive to not deal with my issues.Instead I was having high expectations, that led to constant failures and my relationships were pretty destructive with me being very hungry for attention and validation.

I’ve been very hollow for a while but with a depth I carry around without looking far into it. Until this last year, which was a turn point for me, including depression and brutal incidents that just had to take a turn. I’ve gained an interest around psychedelics and tried DMT along with a lot of discussions with friends and exploration on the web and inside my head – and as I said, things has started to change.

For the first time, I can relate to this mumbo jumbo I’ve read since I was 16. Be your own master, separate yourself from ego, live now not in the past/future etc. That has been out of my control during my adult years and now I’ve started to realize that I have so much more power than I thought..
..I guess!? Thats the point, I don’t know if I’m just losing it. Since there is such a clear difference in my way of thinking the last months, Im thinking that this may be an illusion. That I’m just building high walls to hide from the relevant anxiety-thoughts and so on. Identiy-crisis combined with finally found a way home (I’m not there yet, I just found the opportunities).

I guess I have the feeling that it shouldn’t be like this, I’m waiting for the next wave of depression and that this new-discovered world is just a good place to be in while waiting for it. Like, in other words, it Should not be like this. I am used to a shitty way of thinking, and thats the way it will continue to be.

I’m not sure what I want to discuss, it’s hard to express myself right now since I’m tired and pretty baked. Hope I can get some advice or something I guess.. Or just guidance, or just another article I should read. I love to read these days. Haha! Take care and good night :)

January 8, 2016 at 7:56 pm
Anjelica (101) (@Anjelica) 6 years, 7 months ago ago

Being hollow is the same thing as being the source. You don’t have to fill any emptiness. You fill from it. 

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jayki (10) (@jayki) 6 years, 7 months ago ago

There is a link between emptiness and drugs. Eliminate drugs and be fulfilled. Anyone that uses substances to fill an empty hole is lying to themselves. You don’t need a spiritual response. You need to hike the Appalachians. leave the drugs at the door and let the altitude finish you off and when your body hits the ground from fatigue you’ll be ready to have a real life. Right now your playing a video game and the character is you. Good luck I hope your decisions bring you happiness that will spread to others.

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Buse (0) (@Suse) 6 years, 7 months ago ago

I think you misunderstood. I felt hollow before today, I needed my daily ego-boosts all the time.

What I was trying to say was that I feel a great change, much better today, but its almost too good to be true if you get me, the insights that Ive got lately has been very simple. It has been there all the time..

I do not abuse drugs, I just smoke some weed sometimes. 

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Anonymous (3) (@) 6 years, 7 months ago ago

I’m tired of seeing USA everywhere. They have been hogging the News for soooooo long. They are all over the place like insects. When other countries make News, it is subtle. When USA makes News, it’s like someone is banging the head to the wall. Such bad download they are.

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tuesle (14) (@tuesle) 6 years, 7 months ago ago

It seems too simple, right? “That? Surely not THAT!?” So simple and yet impossible to communicate its immensity. A living, breathing paradox. 

You are remembering something. It’s been right under your nose all along, hidden in plain sight. You will wonder if you are going insane. Just roll with it. 

When it happened to me, I started randomly meeting people on the street who would tell me more or less exactly what I’m telling you now. Strange people. Beautiful people. Self-proclaimed neo-shamans and inter-dimensional travellers. People who seemed all too aware that they were quite possibly insane, but didn’t care and seemed perfectly functional in their own strange way. The more I meditate, the more I create and express, the more I love, the more these encounters happen. The more I try to run and hide and escape, the less it happens. I don’t know what I believe. I’ve given up on belief. It’s a trap. I might be insane, and maybe these are dangerous words, the sort that could tip a fragile mind over the edge… But I impart them to you with love. 

All I know is that I remember something I somehow forgot, something immense and simple and beyond all language. Something I saw in my childhood nightmares, which scared me into hysteria then. Something I rediscovered through meditation and psychedelics years later, but no longer scares me. It now fascinates me.. And when I roll with it, life becomes effortless bountiful flow. Take from that what you will. Much love, namaste, trust yourself and good luck ;)

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