Niceness being considered "weird"

 Eric (@eric0127)7 years, 6 months ago

The other day I was walking into the gym as some girl was walking out. I looked up from my phone and instantly noticed that she had big, beautiful eyes. I wanted to compliment her on them but she was already past me by the time I realized it and thought of the idea.

After thinking about it, another popped in my head that the random compliment could be taken as weird/creepy. This thought then led me to reflect on the idea that some “nice” things to do (like giving someone a compliment) can/are considered “weird” in today’s society. Has anyone else noticed this and find a problem with it, or is it just me?

January 24, 2013 at 9:05 pm
Zykanthos (4,757)M (@chodebalm) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

Yes. There are always going to be people who take it that way. But it’s okay because that just means they have a different world view than you do. It’s nothing personal. But the ones who DON’T think it’s weird….those are the ones you’re looking for. You won’t find them if you hold back because you fear rejection.

I’m not saying I’m a master of this, because I’m not. But I’m not afraid to be the one to start up a conversation with a stranger. I just know you can’t let fear hold you back from doing what you want to do.

What if that girl was having a shitty week? Then you come along and tell her she has beautiful eyes, and it’s the highlight of her day. You never know what can come from taking a chance on a stranger.

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Eric (59) (@eric0127) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

@chodebalm, Thats exactly what I was thinking. I wouldnt call it strange or weird, if anything, out of the ordinary. My rationale was the same as what you were thinking. It could be the highlight of her day to cheer her up and puts her in a good mood. If I could make someones day better then I feel satisfied

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Mike Wuest (510) (@mikeyw829) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

@eric0127, If you say it with confidence usuallly it’s not weird. Like zykanthos I’m no expert, but when I do things with confidence, and not half assed, it usually ends up being very natural sounding and the person doesnt take it as weird. At that point, I’m not questioning if the things I do are weird or not. And if a person does think it’s weird, you simply don’t care, because you’re action came from a deeper place than trying to gain someone’s mere approval or satisfaction

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Anonymous (2,833) (@) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

Yeah what mikey said – if you say it confidently it makes a world of difference. If you aren’t confident, its bound to come out awkward.

I wanted to comment on a guys guitar playing. I like it. But instead I just gave him a thumbs up… I’ll be more aggressively nice tomorrow :)

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the805nomad (10) (@the805nomad) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

random acts of kindness are what will keep this planet and its people together.. we have forgotten and betrayed that from ourselves and each other.. i think keep doing it.. if you had fallowed her and kept saying un polite or unneccissary comments, yea your qualified for being pepper sprayed.. flip side to coin.. if your genuinely nice to people, not just certain people, but all people..keep doing it.. but watch for snakes and sharks who pray on the naive.. dont let anyone confuse your niceness for weakness.. when i went to college i did the very same thing, saw someone and just said hello or hi or hows it going??.. not expecting a full intimate heart felt conversation, but atleast i could have gotten a hello back or hey.. fallowed by a smile maybe.. being nice to just be nice.. and heres what i found.. majority roll thier eyes or smurk it off.. like its troublesome.. those people are what i like to refer to as bitches..male or female bitches, but bitches non the less.. if your to upity to say hi back, you prolly dont deserve to live.. seriously.. wana be an asshole when someone just wants to communicate or pass you a compliment?? your an asshole frankly.. you were given something rare from another person, an interaction of possitivity that didnt need much return effort, other than appreciating that moment for just a few seconds, a thank you and aww thats sweet.. is easy..

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Alex (345) (@staylucky) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

@the805nomad, “if your to upity to say hi back, you prolly dont deserve to live.. seriously”

Sounds like you fall into the pepper spray category!

People in my city are super up themselves. I have smiled at women on the way home from work and they have absolutely no idea what to do. They just panic and look away. The entire culture where I live is retarded though. People hate any form of confrontation.

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the805nomad (10) (@the805nomad) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

id like to see you try pumpkin

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Tine (366) (@tine) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

@eric0127,

hrrmmmm…. i dunno man, i guess, i am in a position where i engage 50-60 people daily on a pretty personal level, the way i see it, it doesn’t matter what they think about my motives because my motives are clear as day and they will see this through how i look and how i react to them looking in return,

basically, i know who i am, i know my motives are pure, therefore i do not worry about what you’ve posted, so, i guess if i have any disagreement i’d say that if you are crippled in your ability to compliment someone because of thoughts such as these, the problem is not in them, the problem is in you, and you are creating the situation that makes them consider you strangely without realizing it,

or you are just being oversensitive, or you are being narcissistic bc you think your eye contact is somehow important to the other person,

i guess, i am someone that gets along even with people that other people say are difficult, are assholes, because they do not dictate my reality, my center, my calm, i control this,

so even if they were to misconstrue my compliment, my actions after the compliment would confirm my pure intentions, leaving no room for her to think i was being some sorta stalker, even if she initially thought i was.

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Tine (366) (@tine) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

@eric0127,

‘I looked up from my phone and instantly noticed that she had big, beautiful eyes.’

right, you thought she was hot and you were going to use the eyes as your intro, it makes sense that that concern would then pop into your mind bc part of you was only saying that to get her attention,

——> compliment them and play it off like you do it every day <—– "o, i do this all this time, just calling it how i see it, couldn't help myself" …

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Luigi (1,453) (@luigiblue) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

I’m gonna be straight up, it’s not the compliment that is taken weird, it’s the person who’s mouth it comes out of.

The way you look, the way you say the compliment and the way your body language stands are all factors in the decision.

My opinion, DO IT ANYWAY…not like a creep, do it like you’re complimenting an old lady’s dress…with no sexual intention at all. If she takes to it, the next time you see her she will remember and you can then start a conversation. If you do it in a creepy way, sorry to say, but most women at the gym are self-centered and she’ll just think you’re just another creep wanting to get into her pants. It’s the reality of the situation.

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Eric (59) (@eric0127) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

@tine, I wasnt going to say it as an intro to anything at all. She just had very pretty eyes and thought it would be nice to tell her. Just something that I thought would be nice to hear.

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Tine (366) (@tine) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

@eric0127,

hrmmmmm… i dunno man. i mean… i’m a dude, i know why guys compliment random pretty girls, its not a big deal, my only point was that you were thinking those thoughts as a possibility because part of you is a guy, an animal with very impure thoughts at times, and it is only because of this side of you that would cause you to consider it from that perspective, and that its not the girls fault but rather your perception because of your conscious/subconscious desires, if the girl looks at you weird simply be yourself and she’ll see there is no reason to fear,

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Emma (193) (@emmaclaire) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

@the805nomad, you say kindness is lacking in the world, yet you call people bitches and assholes in the same sentence? that’s the kind of stuff that drives people apart…

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Taylor (61) (@stayinggolden) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

@eric0127, I saw quote the other day that sums up everything being talked about in this post, I feel. “Politeness has become so rare, most people mistake it for flirtation.” I saw this, and realized how true it actually is. All you wanted to do want was compliment this girl, an expression of politeness, and because of the lack of polite people the world has turned compliments into a form of flirtation, when really, it’s JUST a complement.

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winslow (85) (@winslow) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

@emmaclaire, I like what she said.
Yeah I have heard it all about being nice. Even one girl said she thought I was gay because I was being nice and most guys are assholes. When I was definitely making an advance. Another girl told me I was weird because I told a cashier I liked her fingernails? Its hard out here for a pimp.

@tine, Im nice to everyone. But im usually quiet so if I do say something to a girl im trying to see what shes about. Not get in her pants. Otherwise we will pass each other and a possibly amazing relationship is wasted. But girls think they know guys, and thats the problem. You cant just give a compliment without them thinking they know your intentions..

I think im going to the grocery store to give out some compliments and see the reaction. Probably ill be ignored.

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Andrew A. (201) (@biga69) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

I am very like this. I find pleasure in making others happy, usually girls say I’m too nice but that’s just who I am. It happens all the time, I’ve never met a girl who doesn’t think I’m not too nice. Like Gandhi said “be the change you wish to see in the world” so I put the amount of true sincerity out there that I want to see everyone have. People will eventually see it as the norm and stop thinking that I’m a weirdo for being so nice.

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the805nomad (10) (@the805nomad) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

@emmaclaire, boo hoo.. sorry but most people on this planet chose to be sheep, they prefer to be self centered and quite frankly “assholes”, doesnt mean they cant change..

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Emma (193) (@emmaclaire) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

@the805nomad, I honestly have no idea what you’re trying to say. Yet again you’re contradicting yourself, you say you’re a nice person and also judge people, name call and say some people don’t deserve to live all in the same post. Is it necessary to name call and to say some people don’t deserve to live? I have had a few near-rape scares so I don’t trust people right off the bat, especially men unless it is clear they are just being super nice. I tend to be nice to strangers as well, and when they look away or give me a glare, I assume maybe they’re having a rough day or something. You never know what people have been through, so please stop passing judgment so quickly. By name calling you are distancing yourself from these people, and you’re not making it any easier for them to change. In fact you’re probably making it worse. I think you are actually being “upity” because you’re acting like you’re better than others. Seriously, humble yourself! Kill people with kindness, not hate. And switching from kindness to hate when you don’t get the reaction you want is worse than doing nothing at all.

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Eric (59) (@eric0127) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

@stayinggolden, I like that quote! I think that it sums what I think perfectly. I was talking to some of my friends and they pretty much said the same thing. That its a nice thing to do, but its weird bc its not a common thing.

@biga69, I like that Ghandi take on it. Thats kind of what I was thinking. That maybe if I was nice to her then she would feel better and pay it forward.

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the805nomad (10) (@the805nomad) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

@emmaclaire, seriously, again boo hoo.. sorry opinions arent always sugar coated and from gum drop land, just sometimes those opinions are dirty and aggressive.. but welcome to planet earth.. lifes not easy, its a battle for survival.. and quite frankly its made people harsh knowing that.. most random acts of kindness, or pleasant comments about ones physical appearances ( like the topic of discussion today) are met with hostility or crabiness.. or your seen as being odd and stalkerish.. no someone was just saying.. wow your beautiful in some way.. a simple thanks, hey thats sweet, aww hey have a great day.. most people are so self involved they treat you like your beneath them.. and if your so upset about an opinion that differs from yours and im so offensive to you, stop reading and responding to me..lol get a hobby

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Irina (21) (@psyhe) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

@the805nomad, dude, y u so hostile? You are both partially right. It’s normal for you to feel hurt and annoyed, but you should know by now that acts of kindness should not be done whilst expecting anything in return. Just do them anyway. Yeah, people suck, but you never know the reasons or things in their life that got them to that point, to being this way. I doesn’t mean it’s ok for them to be like this, but I think you should at least try and be more detached and feel sad for them. And try to help them, even through being kind ”for free”, even if you don’t interact often.

People are paranoid. And seriously, can you blame them? There were maybe dozens of idiots before you (who were just being nice) who ”paved the way”. So people are not reacting like that for no reason; it’s because they’ve had bad experiences. Of course it’s wrong and it’s stupid to assume they already know what someone’s intentions are, but forgive them anyway.
That is, if you genuinely care about kindness.

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Irina (21) (@psyhe) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

@the805nomad, ”There were maybe dozens of idiots before you (who were just being nice)” I meant that YOU were trying to be nice, not them, I hope it was clear, lol

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Dan (890) (@danfontaine) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

Look in your heart. If your intention resides there, do that shit without hesitation. Fuck the cerebral maze, nobody knows the rules, you’ll get lost.
Spin your own web.

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Emma (193) (@emmaclaire) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

@the805nomad, Haha! I have hobbies, a lot of them. Usually I don’t get worked up but you are being so obviously irrational. And this site is called high existence, so I would assume that the people on here can think logically and you’re seriously sticking out like a sore thumb. I’ve come to the conclusion that you’re either a troll or have a lot of anger in you combined with an inability to form arguments. I don’t care how aggressive your opinion is, just as long as it’s well-formed which yours are all over the place. So from now on I won’t respond to you, I will just laugh when I see your posts. Have a nice day!

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Subwoofer Stevens (246) (@jakehay) 7 years, 6 months ago ago

@eric0127, This kind of stuff coming from men always fascinates me.

You want to compliment someone on their physical appearance alone? No wonder you’re worried its going to be taken the wrong way, brother.

Can you honestly say you’d say the same thing to an older lady or even a man? If not you have intentions that are beyond the compliment and it’s not ‘niceness’ at all. You want attention in return.

A genuinely nice person will find the strengths in every person they meet and let them know it. And those strengths probably won’t be limited to physical attributes.

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