Niceness being considered "weird"

 Eric (@eric0127)7 years, 8 months ago

The other day I was walking into the gym as some girl was walking out. I looked up from my phone and instantly noticed that she had big, beautiful eyes. I wanted to compliment her on them but she was already past me by the time I realized it and thought of the idea.

After thinking about it, another popped in my head that the random compliment could be taken as weird/creepy. This thought then led me to reflect on the idea that some “nice” things to do (like giving someone a compliment) can/are considered “weird” in today’s society. Has anyone else noticed this and find a problem with it, or is it just me?

January 24, 2013 at 9:05 pm
Eric (59) (@eric0127) 7 years, 8 months ago ago

@jakehay, I actually have told a guy that they have nice eyes before. Regardless, the compliment wasnt for attention, it was because I thought it would be nice to tell a person that (which is what a compliment it)

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Subwoofer Stevens (246) (@jakehay) 7 years, 8 months ago ago

@eric0127, Well you’re pretty gay for saying that to another guy.

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Subwoofer Stevens (246) (@jakehay) 7 years, 8 months ago ago
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the805nomad (10) (@the805nomad) 7 years, 8 months ago ago

@psyhe, i never do anything in expectation of something in return.. thats not the point of a “random act of kindness” .. i do it for myself, and for the person.. in hopes that if we do it enough itll break all these walls we keep with each other in society.. its a damn shame.. im just sick of angry people.. even tho i sound angry, its because being the nice guy all the time, doesnt work.. you sometimes have to be a shark to avoid from getting eaten.. im by nature a sincerely nice person, however.. harsh times and dealing with predators on a day to day basis, and seeing some of the things ive seen changes you and hardens your skin.. that and im not too keen on over preachy blondes who think they got a clue or insight on who you are simply because you possess a different opinion.. thats what we are here for.. discussion, positive or negative, black or white, right or wrong, we are here to find a common balance and understanding.. to mold and change eachothers process of understanding into one conscience.. hopefully a unified and compassionate one..

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Manimal (2,998) (@manimal) 7 years, 8 months ago ago

Nobody thinks a compliment is creepy.

It’s all in HOW IT’S DELIVERED. A genuine, clean compliment with no attached expectations always hits home. But those are getting rare.
Being nice and being a supplicating phony are very different things.

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Teresa (24) (@foxmind) 7 years, 8 months ago ago

@eric0127,
I agree with @manimal. Sometimes, simple gestures can brighten someone’s day. If it was a sincere compliment, without any other interest in mind, what harm could it make? It’s indeed a rare gift to see a smile on an unknown face. If there’s any expectation after a compliment, let it be just a smile. Next time you see beautiful eyes don’t overthink :)

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Irina (21) (@psyhe) 7 years, 8 months ago ago

@the805nomad, First off, this place is not for monologues, so you can expect people to respond to your opinions, to communicate, to ask, to debate. You don’t need to feel attacked or anything.
You say that ”we are here to find a common balance and understanding”, and talk about unity and compassion, yet you act (here, I mean) exactly the oppossite.
How is your ”compassion” and ”understanding” manifesting here, when you behave with Emma here the way you did. The poor girl had a coherent and argumented response, but you were being hostile when there was no need to.
She was not ”preachy”, but I think that if you actually bothered to read what she said, patiently and with the will to *understand*, you would’ve known that.

It was not as much about opinions, but about the objective fact that you did kinda contradict yourself.
”Most people don’t listen with the intent to understand, but with the intent to reply”…

What she said: ”@the805nomad, you say kindness is lacking in the world, yet you call people bitches and assholes in the same sentence? that’s the kind of stuff that drives people apart…”
This isn’t even about opinions. It’s about contradicting yourself, just breathe and take the time to take it in and see what it’s really about.

It’s funny that, in a way (in a way! to some extent; i’m not *assuming* anything about you, I’m just giving a perspective) you’re exactly like the people you apparently hate / dislike so much.
”im by nature a sincerely nice person, however.. harsh times and dealing with predators on a day to day basis, and seeing some of the things ive seen changes you and hardens your skin.”
So, why don’t *they* have the right to be the same? How do you know they’re not ”sincerely nice people by nature”, and didn’t ”deal with predators on a daily basis” so they hardened their skin? To the point of acting the way they do.

So you’re nice. But under special circumstances. Well, in ideal conditions everyone is nice or at least nice-ish. But in bad conditions is where you know how genuine your niceness really is.
It’s like with friends. You really get to see who they are during tough times.

You judge those people and think that just because they didn’t reply to you with enthusiasm they’re ”assholes” and ”don’t deserve do live”. But when Emma is just saying that you should reconsider some of the things you say, or at least be aware of your contradictions, that’s not ok for you, and she didn’t even judge you, like you judge those people.
Is a nice person really saying about another one that she’s a ”preachy blonde” just because she put some relevant and reasonable questions… ?

She just put a mirror in front of you, and you did not like what you saw.

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Emma (193) (@emmaclaire) 7 years, 8 months ago ago

@psyhe, Thanks Irina.

Nomad: I apologize for my blonde hair. I can’t believe I was born European. What was I thinking?

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Alvin (3) (@gnuf01) 7 years, 8 months ago ago

Similar thing happened to me today. I was in the library, asked a girl to look after my stuff as I went to look for a book, she smiled with lovely blue eyes. Half an hour, as I left, I walked by her, tapped her shoulder and told her she had a lovely smile and walked off. Her expression was priceless.

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Sugar Magnolia (375) (@melissaurban1991) 7 years, 8 months ago ago

@the805nomad, i appreciate your realist point of view.

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tmarieee (2) (@tmarie) 7 years, 8 months ago ago

@eric0127, if you think something will sound weird and creepy, it WILL. Our thoughts are so powerful! But that being said I struggle with this as well. Some people have said that you just want to compliment her because you wanted her when it seems like this is the reason that you didn’t say something. I tend to not give men compliments as easily as women because they might take it just like that when it was really just a genuine compliment! I think after this I will start to compliment more often though because not doing it is exactly what creates this fear. change the world one compliment at a time? who’s in?

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John (32) (@luzimzo) 7 years, 8 months ago ago

@eric0127,

SHOCKING NEWS!?!?

Don’t quote me on this but I have read that…

there is a country where people that SMILE in public go to JAIL!!!

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Anonymous (2,654) (@) 7 years, 8 months ago ago

Weird nice people are annoying until they make you feel good?

You bastards.

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kae (17) (@agapeinflux) 7 years, 7 months ago ago

Yeah, Politeness has become so rare these days so many people mistake it for flirtation. Da fuck :\

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Anonymous (2,654) (@) 7 years, 7 months ago ago

@agapeinflux, I’ve seen people getting their ass kicked just for being nice to someone’s partner. Some people really get bothered by that. And ironically those that were nice in the first place got treated like shit and scared of even being polite because of other people’s jealousy so they change roles and there’s always going to be someone unsatisfied. Some people think they “deserve better”, or that they’re being treated unfairly, others think they don’t deserve anything, and others are so confused that no matter how they’re treated, they’ll be searching for balance no matter what. Aren’t people fucked up! I remember the times when I was a really nice person. :D

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Kristian Jaded (75) (@mentalkink) 7 years, 7 months ago ago

I think society has come to a place where stupidity, insecurities and perversions flourish. I would love to be complimented and I don’t find it creepy – nor should it be – unless like @manimal, said, it is delivered in a creepy or fake way, but a genuine complement is lovely.

If your were genuine with your complement about her lovely eyes, it would be her own damn fault if she were to take you as any way other then genuine.

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kae (17) (@agapeinflux) 7 years, 7 months ago ago

@beyond, Yeah, it is a rarity these days isn’t it? See, in that scenario I used to be offstandish, you know, showing my apathy to the other person to “prove” something but now I just don’t even care. I’ll be nice regardless of if you’re jealous. That’s not a feeling state I have to sit with in the end. People are crazy at times. :P

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Manimal (2,998) (@manimal) 7 years, 7 months ago ago

@mentalkink, Exactly. Her loss.

Also…
Expecting a certain reaction to a compliment means it’s not genuine. If a person gives a compliment to get some sort of niceties/favour/affection back, it’s not authentic, it’s just an attempt to manipulate and gain something.

An authentic compliment is just speaking your mind, no strings attached whatsoever.

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Anonymous (251) (@) 7 years, 7 months ago ago

It’s really amazing the array of reactions you can get when complimenting people. Generally I find they say thank you, completely ignore what you have said, or look as if you have just said something rude.

I think over sexualisation has affected not only compliments intentions but also how they’re received. I rarely compliment men, as it has lead to some less than desirable situations. Fucking creeps ruined it for everyone.

All we can do is be genuine. Like others have said. If your intent behind a compliment is nothing more than to brighten that persons day, then fuck it, go for it.

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