No internal conflict?
All of my life I have had internal conflict. I was depressed in my early child hood, religiously and philosophically. Then I became confused as the world’s workings and depressed at the fact of our money situation. Psychadelics came along and I became extremely introverted and felt almost alienated from the world, but suddenly, it has all stopped.
I used to leave rooms with friends while high on marijuana. Now im comforted.
I used to psychologically dismantle myself while on psychedelics, now I feel love.
The knot in my stomach attempts to form, but it fails. I feel as if a psychological pain killer has been bestowed on me.
But I partly miss it. The feeling of loss, and the struggle to serenity. The climbing back up from the bottom of the pit. I was so comfortable with it, but now it seems almost impossible to achieve again. Part of me feels like I lost a chunk of what made me feel in touch, enlightened. Now I’m too comfortable. I have no conflict.
If it makes you feel any better, I didn’t stay very serene and comfortable for too long.
I was like that for some point and I was just like “chill” I guess. But it didn’t last…
I wish you luck though. :(
It seems like you are used to that inner aggression that makes you express yourself more strongly and you miss that inner conflict that’s like a constant game of balancing fights between your emotions. You are may be struggling with a severe amount of suspicious complaints about absolutely nothing wrong with you. You needed to talk with someone? Heeey.
The Savage shook his head. “It all seems to me quite horrible.”
“Of course it does. Actual happiness always looks pretty squalid in comparison with the overcompensations for misery. And, of course, stability isn’t nearly so spectacular as instability. And being contented has none of the glamour of a good fight against misfortune, none of the picturesqueness of a struggle with temptation, or a fatal overthrow by passion or doubt. Happiness is never grand.” -Mustapha Mond, Brave New World
(Sorry for simply regurgitating the text, but I felt that this really summed up part of what you are feeling, and I couldn’t have phrased it any better.)
I guess after living with something like this for so long, the moment it disappears from your life you’re going to miss it. That constant presence of your internal conflicts became a part of you and the moment it was gone you were thrown out of your comfort zone. The changes you are experiencing aren’t bad, they’re just different. Maybe now that you have achieved this state of serenity you should enjoy it while it lasts instead of trying to find ways to lose it in order to reach for it again.
@veronicalolno, Do replies work yet? I know what you mean, but this time it is different. I feel profoundly shaken from where I used to be. I have attempted to go back, and under the influence of certain substances it used to be guaranteed. Its like I’m addicted to the emotion of terror and struggle? Like those who hate their crutches (drugs) but forever come back to them…
@beyond, I have to say the first part of that I think is pretty spot on. The complaints? Internal complaints, yes. Some are simply dealing with self-confidence, those I have no interest in maintaining. But the larger ones, they are deathly bizarre, its like I can no longer reach them, but I know they were once here?
@thesaharaofbraindust, That is an incredibly pertinent quote. . . Can’t believe that came from a movie, heh. But… yeah, thats how it feels. (or is brave new world a book?) I should probably become familiar with it, I’ve heard so much about it!
You miss the “climbing back up from the bottom”? I feel like I’ve been trying to move past the need for the climb. Are you saying that without the climb, the serenity afterwards is not as good? It’s amazing to me that you can remember what it feels like while not letting it affect your current peace.
From what you said about weed, I’ve been the same way. Lately it has caused me great stress around others and when I’m alone. I’ve been longing to feel the same closeness and peace from it that I used to feel.
@ijesuschrist, Inner conflict does make you feel good. It gives a feeling of importance almost. But if you take the serenity and embrace it and realize how amazing it all is, and how you are just a piece of something so much bigger, then you will truly feel content. Maybe I’m just spouting random stuff. Eh. If you want your inner conflict back, make outer conflict and it will follow shortly.
So you have no internal conflict over the petty things that used to control your life. You’re freer and less weighted down now, and you can move on to more important things. You still have internal conflict though, like over questions of whether it’s good or not to have internal conflict. If internal conflict isn’t pushing me to better myself, what will now? You have to find that out. I think you’re moving away from a state of being that is dependent on constantly being over stimulated to the point of action, to a point where actions will start flowing from a different place. I’m pretty much in the same spot.
@ijesuschrist, I totally understand your point, I’m also dealing with something similar. I have just tried to engage in new challenges, mental and otherwise, just so I can have something to overcome. I guess some of us always need something to strive for, a mountain to climb, but when we reach the summit all were left with is the nostalgia of the clime. If you find any solutions to this in your own life, let me know.
Well, I don’t know about y’all bastards, but no internal conflict means peace. We need the aggression that’s driving us, to convert it into some form of expression, positive, negative, artistic, absurd, brilliant. You could easily create this aggression/energizer on your own. If there is no internal conflict, it’s the easiest way to aim yourself towards what you want to do. The problem here is that you have no clue what you want to do, no motive.
Create a need and satisfy it.
@north, Its like while I’m climbing out, I detest it absolutely, I need to save myself from the terror of whatever it is in that hole, but when I come out, life is… too simple? My vocabulary doesn’t have a word for the description of what I feel. Its like, not boring, not bland, not simple, but just like… Familiar. I think I am so deeply rooted in learning and experiencing new, that when I feel familiar with something, a slight distaste comes to fruition.
@bongodeburrito, Lol – nice. Maybe I should punch a cop.
@mikeyw829, Really, I think my new internal conflict is that I’m not going to have anymore! What a paradox.
@imhotep, I like the analogy of the mountain. We strive for the top, and once we get there, the struggle is gone, the action, the learning… we’re now stuck with just the top of a mountain. How droll, heh.
@beyond, I disagree, absolute peace creates no need to change. Internal conflict is the idea of motives, the realization of needed change. Absolute peace in a world of 3 billion is, Id have to argue, ignorance.